AIBU to not go to this wedding?

[ItsallFeegle]

So, we are a family of four.

Myself, DP, (my) DD and (our) baby DS. DP and I have been together approx 3 years.

DP's close friends are to be wed next month and the invite arrived at the beginning of last month. I pointed out to DP that neither DD or DS were mentioned on the invite and asked him on a few occasions to speak with his friends to find out if the DC were invited too, as we don't have anyone who could/ would mind them whilst we attended the wedding.

DP came home from work today and informed me that our DS had been remembered but my DD had been totally forgotten!

I've already contacted the bride to be and said that unfortunately, only DP would be in attendance.

I said my best wishes go with him on the day and I wish them all the best in their future.

DP and I aren't a new couple. All of his friends know our family dynamics, so....

....AIBU to think this is shite on my DD? And is it U of me to stay at home with my DC, both of them?

Have other older children who aren't family members been invited? If they have then I would be offended, if not then I wouldn't. We had a no kids wedding, other than close family kids and babies. Could this be the case here?

Actually, idi, you're wrong.

I won't put up with goady posts or posters who put words in my mouth but I am adult enough to concede that some people feel AIBU and maybe I am.

Not entirely sure Fairy.

DP will go regardless and I'm sad, not offended but I get what you mean

I can totally see where you are coming from.

The only reasonable explanation is that its child free bar babes in arms.

Fwiw dhs friends have always included ds1(my son) I cannot imagine our other dc being included but ds1 not. It just wouldnt happen.

You are not being remotely unreasonable and as someone with a similar family set up, I would find it incredibly hurtful, and would be devastated on behalf of DD. Havent read whole thread but would hazard a guess that those posters who say YABU aren't part of a blended family.

It may be the case ENorma but DP said his friend said they'd totally forgotten DD and apologised profusely.

I don't really understand
if neither of them were on the invitation, I would have assumed neither was invited so I would have found a baby sitter or just one of us would go.

What is all this "children at weddings" malarkey anyway? Presumably your DS won't be eating a meal so doesn't cost them anything, Your DD is practically an adult (whom they don't know?)
I think you are BU - sorry of that's not what you want to hear!

They do know her Tommy.

It's a bit odd. But I'd probably assume that a space for a 15yo equals an adult space whereas a space for a 6 month old equals nothing. I have been to weddings when only children too young to be left (ie bf babies) have been included and it does seem pretty standard if not a bit sad.

oh yes - just saw that now - sorry

Ok, so lets say I concede that IABU, they surely could have said she's welcome to the evening?

That way, all four of us could travel the 250 miles and DC and I could join them in the evening?

Is that still U?

I would never consider leaving DD at home for a weekend.

I think you're probably very close to the mark there Honourable.

I don't believe for one second they were or are shitty but I do concede that I'm unaware if DC are always or never included on wedding invites.

But I still know my DD would feel excluded. She is almost 15 so still has a lot to learn in terms of intent etc.

I suppose I do feel for her for all the reasons you've mentioned.

I think you're being a bit super-sensitive about this. You said in your OP that neither DC was mentioned. DS is 6 months, doesn't need a meal, doesn't need anything, really, so they said he can come. DD is 15. That means a meal, a space at a table, etc. It's a much bigger deal for the B&G than a 6 mo.

We've been invited to a cousin's wedding soon. It's a weekend away. No DC, which is fine by me as there are already 150+ being invited. No problem for us. DC are 18/16/14. 18 yo can do what he wants. 16 yo DD can either stay at home or go to a friend's, DS 14 is going to a friend's. I really don't see the big deal.

You're wrong on the 'not from a blended family' point with me I'm afraid AuntMargaret.

Well it's a big deal for me. I don't have 3 or 4 DC who will all need to 'sort something else out'.

I have 2 DC. And I'm not sure where people think I'm expected to deposit DD whilst the other 3 of us go to somewhere together.

Genuinely, does your 15 year old never stay at a friends for the weekend? I used to all the time (and friends stayed at mine). My nieces & friends kids the same.

Yes, she genuinely does but who am I to assume I/ we could expect that?

It happens occasionally, for a night, not a weekend.

I just used to ask my friends 'can I stay at yours on x weekend please'. They'd say yes or no,

Not sure if you were being sarcastic repeating the 'genuinely' of my question. Felt a bit like you were. Which is a shame - I was interested to know the answer rather than trying to be tricksy.

I think you should be worrying less about this wedding and more about your 14yo DD not having any friends close enough to stay with for a weekend. :(

And I'm still not sure why people think I'm ok with telling my DD that she can fuck off to a friend or whatever for a weekend while DP, DS and I go away for the weekend together?

As my OP asks, would it BU to stay at home with both DC?

Now I am sure, no, it isn't.

DP can go, I've no problem with that bit I will stay at home with both my DC

Why would I be being sarcastic? Not at all.

Also Holla, please point out where I've stated that my DD doesn't have close friends?

Fair enough. Just sounded like it but apologies for misinterpretation. And agree with PP: if you tell your daughter to 'fuck off for the weekend', well then yes; she is likely to be upset. But 'it's an adults only do apart from babes in arms' might result in her understanding...