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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not go to this wedding?

181 replies

ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:04

So, we are a family of four.

Myself, DP, (my) DD and (our) baby DS. DP and I have been together approx 3 years.

DP's close friends are to be wed next month and the invite arrived at the beginning of last month. I pointed out to DP that neither DD or DS were mentioned on the invite and asked him on a few occasions to speak with his friends to find out if the DC were invited too, as we don't have anyone who could/ would mind them whilst we attended the wedding.

DP came home from work today and informed me that our DS had been remembered but my DD had been totally forgotten!

I've already contacted the bride to be and said that unfortunately, only DP would be in attendance.

I said my best wishes go with him on the day and I wish them all the best in their future.

DP and I aren't a new couple. All of his friends know our family dynamics, so....

....AIBU to think this is shite on my DD? And is it U of me to stay at home with my DC, both of them?

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 10/06/2013 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ITCouldBeWorse · 10/06/2013 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EllaFitzgerald · 10/06/2013 20:27

That's so incredibly rude! The best case scenario is if they invited the younger child only because he wouldn't take up a seat or need a full meal due to his age, but even then, it should have occurred to them that it should have been both kids or neither.

Original poster

ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:28

They know our family. They are DP's friends from childhood and we all get on very well.

My DD isn't a 'random' 15 year old. She's my child.

The groom to be told DP today that they forgot my DD.

OP posts:

SanityClause · 10/06/2013 20:28

CaptainSweatPants, are you implying that it's okay not to invite a 15 yo, because they would cost money?

DH was once invited to a family wedding without me (when he was DP, but we'd been together 5 or 6 years). I think he was invited so as not to offend other family members, but I was left out, so he wouldn't actually go.

The rudeness of people with regard to their weddings can just be astounding.

squeakytoy · 10/06/2013 20:29

Would a teenager even want to go?

I wouldnt have at 15 if it was to a wedding of my parents friends.

Why does a 15yo need childcare anyway?

NinetiesBitch · 10/06/2013 20:29

YANBU, they're not your friends.

Remember the thread about the lady who was told to pick which of her children who could come?!

SanityClause · 10/06/2013 20:31

There's been an update of that thread, Nineties and it's in Classics, now. Have a look!

Original poster

ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:31

She'd need childcare as it'd be a full weekend.

250 miles for a wedding isn't a round trip.

She'd really have no choice but to come, and she'd probably be ok with it too, as she'd see some other friends/ family from DP's hometown.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 10/06/2013 20:32

I honestly do not think it is odd.

You were invited as a couple, they knew you had a baby, so politely invited the baby, and (as many people would) assumed a teenager would not really want to be invited.

If they had to invite the entire family of all their friends it would increase the numbers massively.

K8Middleton · 10/06/2013 20:32

I think yab a bit u. A small, dependent baby who doesn't take up any space or need a meal is quite different to a teenager who could stay with friends.

Actually at nearly 15 the last thing I would want to do is go along to a wedding with my parents and I would much preferred to have stayed at home.

I think you're seeing offence where none is intended or warranted. Sorry.

SanityClause · 10/06/2013 20:33

squeaky the 15 yo may not have wanted to go, but it's very different to not being invited.

AKissIsNotAContract · 10/06/2013 20:33

I'm surprised your 15 yo would want to go TBH. Aren't weddings pretty dull for a teenager? I don't think it has anything to do with your DD not having the same dad.

decaffwithcream · 10/06/2013 20:34

"We even made up a few phantom cousins when my husband got married because we couldn't remember who was which and how many kids everybody had and we were racking our brains to remember their names which of course we couldn't because they didn't exist."

Original poster

ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:34

Then don't invite either child squeaky.

It then gives me the opportunity to bow out without feeling like my DD is unwelcome.

As I say, it's quite a trip, would need to be a full weekend and they are aware of our situation.

OP posts:

StrawberryMojito · 10/06/2013 20:34

I think this isn't actually that big a deal. It is all about finance, your DS won't cost them a penny, your DD will. They have basically have invited you both without either of your kids but when pressed have said that you can bring the baby if you want. I doubt very much it is anything to do with your DD not being your DHs. I don't think they handled it well though, they should have just said neither of your kids.

NinetiesBitch · 10/06/2013 20:34

Cheers, sanity, I'll look it up.

As much as I'd have moaned about at 15, it would have been a huge blow to be deliberately missed out! I think it's horrendously rude.

MrsDeVere · 10/06/2013 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 10/06/2013 20:34

You don't need child care for a 15 year old, you would for a six month old. They know you have no child are that's probably why they've included your DS but not your DD.

Go, don't go, whatever... But don't take it personally.

QuintessentialOldDear · 10/06/2013 20:36

Do you think this is a case where children are not really invited but your baby is regarded newborn / babe in arms, and therefore invited?

You know, so many times parents are livid that their newborn is not invited. Maybe they are allowing young babies only?

foreverondiet · 10/06/2013 20:36

I don't think it's so rude due to the massive age differences in the children.

Easy to find childcare for 15 year old (dont really need childcare) much harder for a baby
baby can just sit at high chair with parents - teenager as an extra guest
wedding could be v boring for teenager if no other guests that age. Would she even want to go?

Fair enough if you don't want to go but I don't think they were being unreasonable.

K8Middleton · 10/06/2013 20:36

I think you're being a bit "me me me" about this. Of course they haven't considered your daughter as a priority. She is not close to them and no doubt there are many guests.

I think you are being a bit weird about this.

StrawberryMojito · 10/06/2013 20:37

Cross post with a few others.

YANBU for not wanting to go if you don't want to but I do think you are being paranoid about the reasons for your DD not being invited. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

Original poster

ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:38

I may well be being U, however, I really can't help how I feel.

Which of my DD's friend's (at home) is she (or I) supposed to assume that she could just stay with? It's not as easy as saying stay with a friend.

OP posts:

QuintessentialOldDear · 10/06/2013 20:38

She is 15, a teenager. What teenager would even want to go to some random family friends wedding? What childcare? Can she not have a sleep over with friends? Go visit other family?

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