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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not go to this wedding?

181 replies

ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 20:04

So, we are a family of four.

Myself, DP, (my) DD and (our) baby DS. DP and I have been together approx 3 years.

DP's close friends are to be wed next month and the invite arrived at the beginning of last month. I pointed out to DP that neither DD or DS were mentioned on the invite and asked him on a few occasions to speak with his friends to find out if the DC were invited too, as we don't have anyone who could/ would mind them whilst we attended the wedding.

DP came home from work today and informed me that our DS had been remembered but my DD had been totally forgotten!

I've already contacted the bride to be and said that unfortunately, only DP would be in attendance.

I said my best wishes go with him on the day and I wish them all the best in their future.

DP and I aren't a new couple. All of his friends know our family dynamics, so....

....AIBU to think this is shite on my DD? And is it U of me to stay at home with my DC, both of them?

OP posts:
QuintessentialOldDear · 10/06/2013 23:33

You have not stated it outright, but that is the impression you give.
I would think it would be much more exciting for a young girl to spend the weekend with a close friend, than go to some boring wedding at the other side of the country.

PrincessFiorimonde · 10/06/2013 23:33

Hello Feegle.

I think you are understandably a bit sensitive about your DD with regard to the invitation. If the couple are DP's and your good friends, I'm sure there's no intention to snub. Basically, I agree with what HonourableAlgy said a short while ago.

Would it be at all possible for you to have a word with, say, DD's best friend's mum (assuming you're friends too) and sound her out about DD having a weekend there? A fun weekend, with something specially nice planned? And you to reciprocate later in the summer?

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 23:36

That's a great idea Honourable, however, DD is in a group of 6 close friends and most of the girls spend time with DF's every other weekend.

The girls do spend a lot of time together but quite honestly, I'm not prepared to be so far away from her, just yet, IYSWIM?

I love your suggestion about DS being like my handbag with no alternative but to take him but I've decided now that I would rather DP go and I stay home with both DC.

Thank you for your alternative, yet balanced views. Refreshing!

OP posts:
PrincessFiorimonde · 10/06/2013 23:36

Gosh, I'm such a slow responder. I was agreeing with HonourableAlgy's post of 22:38. Now I also agree with her post of 23:38!

AThingInYourLife · 10/06/2013 23:37

A 15 year old and a 6 month old aren't the same category of guest, even if they happen to be siblings.

One is a babe in arms, free to invite, and likely to be a necessary appendage of the female partner.

The other is a teenager with (presumably) her own social life, no desire to attend functions with her parents' friends, and no need to be babysat.

PrincessFiorimonde · 10/06/2013 23:38

Xpost.

Feegle, quite see your reasoning here. Hope that you and DD and handbag Grin find fun things to do that weekend.

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 23:40

No sarcasm at all ifancy - I posted for opinions, all very welcome I just cannot abide (and don't mean yours Smile) posters who take my snapshot and either put words into my mouth, situations into the mix that aren't in the mix or talk shite basically.

I'm ok with reasonable opinions, questions, posts but when posters talk shite Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 23:42

Quintessential - not sure what I've yet to say out loud?

But to you and Princess, thank you for your posts, I hope I've kinda covered them in my response to Honourable Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 23:44

AThing - I know they are a different category.

Thanks Wink

OP posts:
TheHonourableAlgyLacey · 10/06/2013 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollaAtMeBaby · 10/06/2013 23:46

You're not prepared to be 250 miles away from your teenager for one weekend? Really? I didn't think it was possible to maintain that level of PFBness into adolescence.

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 23:48

Princess, I think Honourable is v.balanced and despite having a completely different opinion from my original opinion, I am open to these types of lessons.

I can see how things are from other perspectives when offered in a balanced, reasoned manner.

and yes, loving the thought of DS as a handbag Grin

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 10/06/2013 23:49

How does your DP feel about all this?

It will be a bit of a downer if your daughter is away on a sleepover while the wedding is on and you are stuck at home on your own. :(

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 23:50

Well, you learn something new every day Holla Wink

OP posts:
TheHonourableAlgyLacey · 10/06/2013 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 23:52

Holla - you came in with another dig, yet failed to answer my last question.

Goady much? DFUD and don't let the door hit you on the way out. Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 23:56

Squeaky - he's understanding that the costs may have dictated a decision for the wedding meal. He's upset that his friend said they'd totally forgotten DD and he's confused as to why she can't be invited in the evening.

She won't be on a sleepover, as I'm going to plan something. Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 10/06/2013 23:57

A Handbaaaag? Thanks Honourable Wink Love it him

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 11/06/2013 00:09

I actually meant, how does he feel about YOUR decision not to go.

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 11/06/2013 00:13

He understands and knows he'll go with my blessing.

I'm not pissed off just sad we can't all go together.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 11/06/2013 00:35

go down but let your daughter take a mate too, then her and the mate can go and do whatever they want to do, (obviously within reason) while you go to the wedding..

MrsLyman · 11/06/2013 00:42

Why do you need childcare for a 15 year old?

Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 11/06/2013 00:45

I get what you're saying squeaky, I do, but I've kinda made my mind up now and as I said in my OP, I've contacted the btb and told her I'm sending my love with my DP and all my best for the day and their future.

I'm going to have a lovely weekend with my PDC Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsallFeegle · 11/06/2013 00:47

Have a wee sneaky at the rest of the thread Mrs Wink

OP posts:
MrsLyman · 11/06/2013 01:01

Sorry didn't realise it went beyond the first page, YANBU to not go but I think you are coming across as a bit precious. It's really not that unreasonable to assume that arrangements to be away from a 15 year old for one/ two nights are that hard to arrange.

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