AIBU to not go to this wedding?

[ItsallFeegle]

So, we are a family of four.

Myself, DP, (my) DD and (our) baby DS. DP and I have been together approx 3 years.

DP's close friends are to be wed next month and the invite arrived at the beginning of last month. I pointed out to DP that neither DD or DS were mentioned on the invite and asked him on a few occasions to speak with his friends to find out if the DC were invited too, as we don't have anyone who could/ would mind them whilst we attended the wedding.

DP came home from work today and informed me that our DS had been remembered but my DD had been totally forgotten!

I've already contacted the bride to be and said that unfortunately, only DP would be in attendance.

I said my best wishes go with him on the day and I wish them all the best in their future.

DP and I aren't a new couple. All of his friends know our family dynamics, so....

....AIBU to think this is shite on my DD? And is it U of me to stay at home with my DC, both of them?

YANBU. I wouldn't be going.

You are being unreasonable, people can invite who they want to their wedding. I didnt want screaming babies at mine so didnt invite them. All my friends had no issues. A 15 year old is another adult space, they will only have a set budget. You are punishing your DP by telling him to go along and sadly it is a childish thing to do.your poor DP he must be really caught in the middle.

Is this more about you wanting acceptance of your DS as your DP is not his
father?

I was in a similar position earlier this year with a cousin.

Just me & DH on envelope, no names at all on invite. I asked my cousin if it was just couples, or our DCs too. It was just for the adults but I asked if I could take 8mo DD.

He said no to baby going but had he said yes, I would've taken the baby and made arrangements for the other DCs. We would've been away 2 days, 1 night. Which would be very unusual - we never go out. So I would've been excluding the older DCs.

I really think that this has highlighted your own anxieties about your DD being excluded from what you clearly see as a family unit - maybe something which is worth you exploring and dealing with so it doesn't cause any other negativity?

I hope this comes across as kindly as it is meant. But YABU for declining an invite after the bride and groom had made alterations to allow you to bring your baby. I wonder if this would've been such a problem if both DCs had the same father and you didn't already have concerns about your DD.

Feegle - I think maybe you are upset because you've taken this the wrong way - which is often the problem when you are not communicating directly but through someone else.

I'm also in a 'blended' family situation, and can see how easy it is to be sensitive about the issue.

Are you completely sure that treating your children differently is down to the fact that DD is yours not your DH's?

As a poster said upthread - it is not unusual to treat children differently because of their age - and it's not totally unusual to say 'babes in arms = yes, teenagers = no" to wedding invitations.

As a part of a large family (my mom is one of 6 siblings, each of whom has 3 or more children) I stopped being invited to even family events at that age. They knew that I would rather be elsewhere and was of an age where I could be left. These days they are more of an 'opt-in'.

I don't see that you've done anything wrong. You're not happy to leave DD so have politely declined. However, I don't think you should take it as a slight. Even if they purposely did not invite DD as they are happy for babies but not older children to attend, that is a decision they have made about their wedding, and in no way a slight against you or your DD.

Maybe this is why DH is happy to still attend? Have you spoken with him about it?

Oh that's horrible. Yanbu