AIBU to not go to this wedding?

[ItsallFeegle]

So, we are a family of four.

Myself, DP, (my) DD and (our) baby DS. DP and I have been together approx 3 years.

DP's close friends are to be wed next month and the invite arrived at the beginning of last month. I pointed out to DP that neither DD or DS were mentioned on the invite and asked him on a few occasions to speak with his friends to find out if the DC were invited too, as we don't have anyone who could/ would mind them whilst we attended the wedding.

DP came home from work today and informed me that our DS had been remembered but my DD had been totally forgotten!

I've already contacted the bride to be and said that unfortunately, only DP would be in attendance.

I said my best wishes go with him on the day and I wish them all the best in their future.

DP and I aren't a new couple. All of his friends know our family dynamics, so....

....AIBU to think this is shite on my DD? And is it U of me to stay at home with my DC, both of them?

YANBU

I've read all the thread thanks, I've just read it again and still missed the bit where you've said they've met your DD.

Yanbu. That's crap. Either child free or everyone invited. You don't treat siblings (step or otherwise) differently. It's not fair.

20:28

Feegle - they know our family. They are DP's friends from childhood.

Our family = myself, DP, DD and DS.

They know our family well.

Jeez. You can't really invite someone with a 6 month old to a wedding 250 miles from home and assume she'll leave the baby behind. I wouldn't leave a 14 year old behind either. Trouble is, people who plan weddings don't really think. We were utter wankers. I would stay behind in your shoes, but I would think it was thoughtlessness rather than malice.

And I don't think it's bad manners to gently check , some of us don't have second sight about these things.

TSC - I'm really not going to drive all 4 of us 250 miles to say to DD "Ok, DD, us 3 are off to a wedding. You aren't invited, so go see if there's anyone about to spend time with until we're finished".

oh for heavens sakes.. they probably know a lot of other families well too, but havent invited all their offspring as well.

I am getting the feeling there are deeper issues because your daughter is from another relationship

I'm sure they do squeaky but they're not my family.

I'm only arsed about mine really.

I'd be interested to hear your theory on the deeper issues though

So it's okay to exclude part of a family from a wedding on the grounds of cost?

Not according to this thread.

I'm with K8, sorry! I think YABU - if your daughter were little then I could see the offence, but she's almost 15. I doubt they gave it much thought other than the baby is v little & needs you (& if they did think about your dd, then likely thought she'd have plenty of friends to stay with).

Weddings are stressful enough without thinking of all the children of guests, especially those who are much older. Hope your friendship doesn't end up spoilt over this though as I really doubt they meant to cause offence.

Yanbu that is rude and unacceptable. TSC they are a family of 4 not 3! Why should one Chidren be eft out because his note child of dp.

I have been to several weddings that were 'no children except babies in arms' affairs so I wouldn't necessarily be offended, so assume it was a snub to your dd.

But its fine not to go if you don't want to.

It won't spoil the friendship one

We live too far away for me not to consider both of my children.

I do not expect me and mine to be the centre of their thought process but I would like my whole family to be considered when making the decision. No children or both, it really isn't that hard. There are only four of us and to say they forgot my DD, when yes they know her well is upsetting.

However, I understand for some people a 14 almost 15 year old is easy to disregard, I disagree with those of you who do, that's all.

tSC that is not good at all sorry. How can you Sayto the child we are ff Tom wedding but as your not invited we will drop you off to friends first, how awful is tat an how crap would tat grl feel. The op has already said that she would be disappointed if she was not invited. Op let your dp go and you stay behind with the kids

YANBU
It's awkward enough when your younger DD (11) is asked to bridesmaid and her older (14) sister isn't.

DD1 was still invited and we all got our room paid for, but I think she was slightly miffed. Not being invited at all would have equalled very angry.

(I should add DD1 is taller than both the bride, groom and the brides sister who was the other brides maid. She's also has far darker hair. She would have looked somewhat out of place.)

That's exactly the plan piglet

I think that is the point people are making, neither of your children were invited according to the invitation.

If you can't see that there is a difference between a 15 year old and a baby, well I despair. I imagine they thought a 15 year old daughter of their friends girlfriend would not be interested in going to their wedding, if indeed they spent much time at all thinking about your children (you may be shocked to realise that your children may be important to you, but not so much to the rest of the world).

Go, don't go, who cares? But what's with all the outrage?

It's obvious to me that your DS wasn't invited either but your DP asked and his embarrassed friend was left with no choice but to say he could come, can't you see that?

Neither child was invited originally but the baby can go because it won't put up the agreed cost or mess with the table settings.

I think it is more likely a child free wedding but babies allowed. Babies don't have to be catered for and can't go running off to the idilic lake or the like.

I doubt they have singled out your dd to not go. If they have they are massive bastards. But yanbu not to go. Sounds like you have no option anyway

That's good itsallfeegal

Can I ask where I'm outraged?

Sad, yes, but not sure I said outraged

I've also made it clear that I was unaware of the protocol not to check if DC were invited or that I expect my DC to be on the forefront of anyone's mind.

Please do not slot words, actions or behaviours in where there are none.

Call me U, fair enough I did ask for opinions and all are welcome but I'm not going to allow any poster to be shitty with me for the sake of it or for effect.

Also, if you don't really give a shit, skip to the next thread. I can't be arsed with rude comments like go, don't go, who cares?

Nobody really cares. This is my dilemma on an Internet forum. It's only affecting me, and I'm asking for input and perspective not goady rude posts.

Thanks all

OP, some people are giving you a hard time on 'protocol'. I am going to a wedding next month. The invite was to me and DH. I assumed it was childfree - we have two dcs under 5. We couldn't arrange child care. I spoke with the bride, like an adult. She was mortified that this may be a problem. The wedding is not childfree and she has a bouncy castle organised! Our DC were always invited. The only reason our dcs weren't on the invitation was that she couldn't remember their names! So now we're all going.

There are no hard and fast rules in this area.

And who the hell are these people who are too precious to ask a question of a friend?

IMHO you are STILL NBU.

this is one of those AIBU's where the OP didn't want to hear the answers less they were in full support.

FWIW I just don't get why people get so het up over weddings. They are usually very expensive and not half as much fun as ones own.

However AIBU would be a poorer place without them.