Soft play incident - WIBU?!

[Sianilaa]

I took my three year old to a soft play place the other day. He was playing nicely most of the time but then I noticed he pushed a child out of the way to get on a slide first. I went straight over, took him aside and explained pushing/pushing in wasn't nice and he was to wait his turn. If he couldn't wait his turn and I saw him do it again, he would go in time out. He started kicking off because I'd removed him from the slide and was losing the plot - he ended up lashing out at me.

I picked him up, took him to a quiet bench away from the play area, against the back wall and explained hitting was unacceptable and he would do 3 mins time out. If he repeated it, we would go home. I stood about 1 metre away from him and turned my back while he did his time out. Close to him so he knew I was there but not giving him any attention. I was calm but firm - Supernanny would have been proud!

He was sobbing hard though, but stayed put. About a minute later a woman came rushing over to me, pushed past me and picked my son up and started cuddling/rocking him! She kept saying to him, "shhh, there there. It's not your fault you have such a cruel, abusive mummy. It's ok now."

I was so shocked, I just stood there with my mouth hanging open, catching flies for about a minute. When I got a grip, I told her to put him down and stop interfering when I was calmly disciplining my own child. This woman had a smaller child with her, plus a female partner. She put him down and went back to her partner loudly talking about how awful and cruel and damaging I was to my son. I lost my temper, and went over and said how dare she touch my son and interfere when I was trying to teach him hitting and pushing was wrong and that surely time out was better than screaming/swearing/smacking him?! I walked away shaking like a leaf.

Her partner came over a few minutes later and apologised, saying she had very strong views on discipline and ignorance and that she didn't agree with what I had done but that she shouldn't have done it or been so rude. At which point I said I wasn't ignorant in any way, and that they should be careful who they say these things to as next time they might get thumped by someone or ejected for inappropriately touching a child.

What would you have done?! Is time out cruel?! I didn't smack him or shout at him, but I did have to wrestle with him slightly to get him over to the time out spot I chose.

It's still making my blood boil just thinking about it.

Wow, I get upset by the mothers who take their kicking child's sides, or hit the poor child in response!

I know quite a few people who really don't agree with time out (but I don't really understand the theory behind the objection)

But I think regardless of the other woman's opinion she was very very out of order to touch your son and say those things to him. Your poor son must have been very confused!

YWNBU and She WBU

She was way out of line ! I personally wouldn't put my child on time out at a play centre cos i think the excitement takes them over, dependant on age of course, if they really should know better, but i think its fine if you choose to.

bloody hell.
what a softplay nightmare.

She was SO out of line it's unbelievable! I'm not surprised you stood there speechless, utterly bananas!

YWNBU. She was. I wish more people paid attention to their charge's behaviour at soft plays and parks, and disciplined where appropriate.
What is wrong with time out? I get why the naughty step isn't ideal, but I think time out is appropriate when your child is getting out of hand, and you literally need to take them out of the situation and give them some quiet time to calm down.

I think you acted appropriately. The other woman did not. I wonder how she would have felt had her child been the one pushed?

this sounds frankly unbelievable.

First things first - she sounds bloody barking. Even her own partner ackowledged her behaviour was inappropriate. I am not surprised you were upset and angry! There are some really odd people about.

To be honest, though, your child is very young. I would have given him one more warning not to push or shove, then taken him home if he couldnt behave. In fact, I have done this in the past with my rather wild DS. Time-out in a busy play environment can just make things worse, in my opinion.

She was MASSIVELY out of line. YANBU at all. She might not agree with your parenting, or your hair colour or what you had for lunch but to interfere like this is disgusting. Time Out isn't abuse. It's just a method of managing behaviour that works well with some children in some situations. We have a Thinking Chair, and it works very well when used appropriately. And I think what you did was perfectly appropriate, but even if it wasn't, it's got nothing to do with me or anyone else. (Unless you were hurting the child which of course you weren't.)

Well done for being so restrained, she WVVU.

Ok, it probably was a bit full on but he properly shoved another child to get in front of them on the slide. I only took him aside to have a word and that would have been the end of it if he hadn't thumped me! He can be challenging at times so needs boundaries and things like this are happening less and less now I'm being more consistent. That's not to say I don't have my shouty moments though...

I just wouldn't ever cuddle another child in front of the mother when she's clearly in the middle of dealing with something. And I was hardly cruel and abusive surely!

What a fruitcake (the other woman, not you)

Oh and he's almost 4 and will be at school in September rather than a little just-turned 3. So I felt he should have known better!

It's a bit hilarious that you were telling off your boy for pushing, but when YOU were in his situation, you lost your temper and threatened that she might get 'thumped' next time. Did you go to time out?

I swear on my life this genuinely happened!

That is full on weird. I keep thinking if OP maybe used horrible abusive language or wrenched her child around by one arm, then I could half understand. The fact the lady's partner came over to apologise says volumes; men really don't like to get involved in such things ime.

I don't think she should've got involved but I don't think 'time out' is necessary for a 3 year old. I can't stand Supernanny though.

I was once at a soft play centre and saw a 2.5 ish year old hysterical in their buggy, I couldn't see a parent and so I reported it to the staff. The staff quietly informed me that the person she was pointing at was enforcing 'time out'. To me it was ridiculous as she was still essentially a baby and I said as much. Think I got a 'fuck off' for my comments.

I would have just laughed manically at the crazy lady. Pointed and laughed.

This is actually hilarious.

FWIW I woudln't have bothered with time out at softplay either, it's softplay. Mild hysteria and boisterousness are to be expected, really.

I didn't threaten to thump her, I said she ought to be careful going round insulting the way people are handling their own children as they might challenge someone a bit more physical than me! I would never have hit her, but yes I was angry.

What is it with certain people? I used a public toilet the other day and in the cubicle next to me I could hear a woman telling her daughter (who was crying)off for one thing or another. Next thing I hear someone else pipe up: 'Well I'm not surprised she's crying with you telling her off!'

Everyone has different parenting styles on how they deal with bad behaviour. Providing the child isn't coming to any great harm it's nobody's business so they should mind their own.

The ladys partner was female lljkk