To not lie to the dr as instructed by dh.

[Youcanbesneezyimnotdopey]

Dh is clearly being an unreasonable arse.

He suffers from hayfever. Normally he gets it on prescription as it is so expensive over the counter and he gets through a lot of it. It costs nearly £20 to buy over the counter. He has recently moved to my dr's surgery, previously he was still at the one where he lived before and his mother used to get the prescription and pay for the charge.

I suffer from a long term medical condition which entitles me to free prescriptions. So he wants me to go and lie to the dr and get the hayfever stuff so we don't have to pay. I have refused. This morning he said to me to go to the chemist to get his hayfever stuff and I said ok if he gave me the money (I'm a poor sahm, he earns 70k+ a year). He refused and said I could pay as its my own fault for refusing to get him free prescriptions.

I will not do this a) because its just plain wrong, b) because I've never had hayfever in my life and it'll probably look odd of I suddenly develop so badly I need eye drops, nose drops and antihistamines and c) because I have quite enough on my medical record without anything else.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?! He is not very pleased but in all honestly he is a bit of a bulky sometimes and I think he thinks I will give in if he's unpleasant enough.

He'd be bound to get some custody rights and I just don't trust him.

Jeez it get's worse.

Do you talk to anyone IRL about him? Do you have family or friends you can tell? I think you need to.

Then you need to speak to Women's Aid (confidentially) who will help you step by step.

But it's going to do DS much more damage to grow up with this man. If you've got real concerns about contact, then a solicitor will help you to deal with this - supervised contact perhaps.

Yes that would be ok. Of if contact was at mil's house. She'd never let dh hurt ds.

You're married right?

Leave him & try to go for half? Or thereabouts, iyswim?

He's financially abusing you & intimidating you. I wouldn't feel bad about it for one second.

As for the kids, if he's that uninterested how do you know he'll even bother if you left? besides the chance of doing it to get at you

Just to echo what everyone else has posted.

Any chance that if you left him he wouldn't be bothered about seeing your Son or is that wishful thinking?

Also, he sounds like a goddam awful role model & you sound like a sensible woman who just got financially trapped when you had kids and probably just didn't expect it to get so bad when you became dependent on him

No he'd see ds. If nothing else but to get to me. I have no doubt of this. It would in no way be a civilised split. It would be extremely nasty.

Good God Youcan what a terrible situation to find yourself in.

Why don't you contact Women'd Aid and tell them what you've said here.

Remember to wipe your internet history too in case he keeps an eye on your browsing.

He sounds an utter cunt.

Re the child benefit I would be on the phone to HMRC getting the payment reinstated and let the fucker pay it back via self assessment. See how he likes that? Oh and I wouldn't tell him. Let him pay the £100 fine to HMRC for late filing.

I hate the tied taxation of the child benefit changes but I will conceded in this case it has its uses.

Well you could make him take it to court first. That can sometimes weed out the half arsers who are just doing it out of spite (like me dad did)

That would also give you some time away from him (can be a lengthy process).

I can't imagine how you must feel being dependent on such a selfish man.

God, you poor love. Yes he would absolutely be paying out more if you divorced. Women's Aid and ultimately the police are there to protect you if he turns nasty. And don't you be thinking that you have to go anywhere if you want to split - he goes.

(And a small thing, but this 'he pays his taxes and doesn't get anything else back' belief is so blinkered. What about a peaceful, defended country, pretty good law and order compared to most places in this world, ditto educated population, for the benefit of everyone, etc etc etc ...aaaaargh)

He will only do it to spite you if he thinks it will work.

If you appear reasonable and encourage him to have access and be very cheerful and unconcerned about it, then chances are he won't bother after a few sessions - if he is as disinterested in him as you say.

Do you have a rl friend or relative to confide in?

Or go through the courts for supervised access.

OP regarding your household expenses, can you jsut buy stuff for you and your DS, and make cut backs on things for your H, if he asks tell him you're making the cut backs he asked you to, in order to remain within your budget,

You'd get CSA payments if you left, you'd get single occupancy discount on your council tax, you'd get child benefit and tax credits (not sure about the last), you'd get peace of mind. Speak to solicitors in your area to guage your position (dont need to do anything about it).

Any chance you can put a small amount of money away as a riany day fund for you and your son?

Oh youcan I'm so sorry. There was a thread a few years back from a woman who originally posted about her husband not buying milk (or similar) and ended up disclosing just what a massive bastard he was. AFAIK she broke free from him and found a happier life. Can anyone link/remember?

OP, if the lovely posters on MN could make it happen, help you and your children and hold your hand along the way would you want to leave, would you ask, would you let them?

Just to add everyone else. Your husband is abusing you. Your husband is abusing his children.

The trouble with going the supervised access route is that you may need some real grounds for it. If you only think there may be a danger of him harming him, based on no evidence, the court may not agree to it. It may be better to try the unconcerned, encouraging access way. If he knows he can't upset you, he won't bother. You will need to be a good actress though.

As others have said, this is financial abuse. Please contact Women's aid. To win your case in law you will need as much evidence as possible, this can be diaries, receipts, videos, whatever. If you haven't go much evidence write stuff down now.

Gingerbread are also very helpful regarding finance and working out benefits.

What are the other issues you mentioned?

Tell him to get a prepayment certificate, I pay £10 a month but well worth it as I get about 9 items a month on prescription

As others have said, the hayfever tablets are the least of your concerns- aside from the fact that he's using it as something else to bully you with.

First job is to start claiming back child benefit again - this situation, where men earned money and refused to use it to support their wife and family - is exactly why it was set up as a universal system in the first place. You are still entitled to the money, but he will be taxed on it via his tax return.

In the meantime, you might want to think about whether you stay with this financially abusive bully.

This thread makes me so sad. OP you are being treated terribly. Please take the advice of others on here and contact all the help mentioned.

I think you should have an honest word with your doctor.

Evidence of stress from financial abuse could be admissible in a court when you want to LTB.

Shame on him.

Poor you.