To not lie to the dr as instructed by dh.

[Youcanbesneezyimnotdopey]

Dh is clearly being an unreasonable arse.

He suffers from hayfever. Normally he gets it on prescription as it is so expensive over the counter and he gets through a lot of it. It costs nearly £20 to buy over the counter. He has recently moved to my dr's surgery, previously he was still at the one where he lived before and his mother used to get the prescription and pay for the charge.

I suffer from a long term medical condition which entitles me to free prescriptions. So he wants me to go and lie to the dr and get the hayfever stuff so we don't have to pay. I have refused. This morning he said to me to go to the chemist to get his hayfever stuff and I said ok if he gave me the money (I'm a poor sahm, he earns 70k+ a year). He refused and said I could pay as its my own fault for refusing to get him free prescriptions.

I will not do this a) because its just plain wrong, b) because I've never had hayfever in my life and it'll probably look odd of I suddenly develop so badly I need eye drops, nose drops and antihistamines and c) because I have quite enough on my medical record without anything else.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?! He is not very pleased but in all honestly he is a bit of a bulky sometimes and I think he thinks I will give in if he's unpleasant enough.

LOL at "I would be rubbing his pillow all over the garden".

So how does the money work in your household OP? His monthly income is around £5,800 before tax. What is yours?

Please read that link on financial abuse.

You would be better off divorcing him - you would get £137 a week in maintenance alone, plus probably the house to live in until your DS is 18yo.

Fuck that shit - if he doesn't give you AT LEAST that amount, just for your DS, PLUS free access to the joint money, then you would be far better off LTB!!

Your husband sounds like a complete bell-end, sorry.

I worked the maintenance amount out based on having one DC, 51 or less overnights a year (one a week), as if he is earning that amount, he's not likely to be ABLE to have your DS overnight more often than that, and based on a NET income of £913.40 a week.

Did you all get that? This 'man' TAKES HOME OVER NINE HUNDRED POUNDS PER WEEK and he's quibbling over paying for his hayfever meds.

I am a disabled Lone Parent on benefits, and I don't fucking quibble over the fact that they don't get prescribed in my PCT.

Op you said
With child benefit you opt in for eligibility so you get the NI stamp but then out of the payment.

I don't think that is correct, as others have also said. Please double check that.
I thought the same as couthy that
either
a) you claim for NI protection and husband pays through tax returns
or
b) You don't claim

OP, I think you should start a thread in relationships, tbh. Or get this thread moved.

This is NOT a decent example for your DS to see. Do you want him to grow up thinking that its OK to treat a woman like this? Because he will. Do you want your future DIL to be treated the way you are?

If this was one of your friends, what would you be telling them?

Why are you a 'poor SAHM' if he TAKES HOME OVER NINE HUNDRED POUNDS A WEEK AFTER TAX?!

Why have you put up with this for so long? You may not have wanted joints accounts etc when you were earning yourself, but becoming a SAHM simply means that instead of working for your salary, you are working at childcare and saving YOUR FAMILY those costs.

If you went back to work tomorrow, your FAMILY finances would have to stretch to cover childcare costs too.

I can't understand why some people allow this sort of situation to develop, I really can't.

He is a tight arsed git, he isn't even covering the costs of essentials when he brings home (did I already mention this...) OVER NINE HUNDRED POUNDS A FUCKING WEEK AFTER TAX!!!

Apart from finances, your Dr would need to check that all your different medications do not react with each other and may refuse to prescribe medicines that big boys can delve into their pocket and get over the counter...

I have £500 a month. Out of this comes my car insurance, petrol, phone bill and a fair bit of food shopping. Around £150, maybe a bit more. Also comes out anything clothes or shoes wise for ds. I often end up ebaying stuff I really would like to keep to try and make a bit of money. And I have in the past sold gold from my charm bracelet that I had when I was christened.

Dh has a fuel card and company phone so doesn't have those expenses.

Gosh, I rarely post on these type of threads, but you sold gold from your christening bracelet to raise money for yourself and your child when he earns 70k?! Words fail me.

Surely the only fair way of dealing with money when one parent is SAH is to pay ALL the bills out of the one income, then split the rest equally?
No way could I live on £500 a month!!!! Nor would I be prepared to, if my OH was earning (and keeping to himself) such a large salary

I just keep hoping I will be able to find some work - any work - once ds is at school.

It's all very well saying ltb but I've nowhere to go and no money to do it with atm. It's a case of biding my time I'm afraid.

Why is his med so expensive? AH tabs can be bought for £1. And IF he really needs very expensive special ones how can he guarantee that your GP will give you the same ones?

And he's a cheating cheapskate to boot.

Blimey - £500 just about covers our food bill. Let alone clothes, shoes, petrol, insurance etc.

Why don't you share your finances? Who decided on £500? Why don't you ask for more?

Oh my God OP, that is fucking disgraceful.

Have you actually sat down with him and said 'this cannot continue'? Even if he is making a decent sized pension contribution, then he will have well over £4k per month after he has paid you your 'allowance' (WTF???).

I wouldn't be surprised if leaving him will mean you get more money - he will have to pay maintenance.

This is financial abuse OP.

He got very unpleasant when I asked for more and said I must be wasting money.
He said he wanted to see a month's worth of receipts before giving me a 'rise' to see if I could cut my spending first.

To be honest he was so unpleasant I backed off. Which I know of course was his aim, I'm not stupid I'm actually reasonably bright believe it or not. I am however a bit scared of him and I don't like confrontation. He knows I will back down.

Similar to CouthyMow, my GP surgery now won't prescribe antihistamines or any other OTC medication unless to a child/person on low income/for a v good reason, so there would be a good chance they'd just tell you to get it OTC anyway. Fair enough as it means they can spend more money on referrals and urgent tests for those who need them for much more serious conditions (I have hayfever v badly too, but it's an inconvenience rather than a real illness, to be honest - I've spent the past six months in hospital nearly every day visiting a friend with an aggressive cancer which needs v expensive lifesaving treatment, so hayfever treatment doesn't quite come under my definition of things the NHS needs to be spending money on right now). Your DH needs to grow up a bit.

God how awful for you.

Where does his salary go then ?

While biding your time find out what you can because at least if he is stashing money away you will get half in a divorce settlement.

Good lord, you (plural) are earning £70k+ and yet you have sell jewellery to pay for necessities? This is disgraceful and dysfunctional. I cannot understand how anyone could think this was acceptable.

Tight fuckwit. £500 a month? Jesus..

What the hell is he spending the rest of his earnings on?

I don't know about this, but I would guess that he'd have to pay more than £500 a month in child maintenance, should you ever split.

Boots has anti-h for 99p a box. Anything with a brand name is the same stuff in a different package - the red and white boxes are cheapest.

Never mind that though, your "D"H is an abusive wanker.

The more you say, the worse he sounds. I hope you are making plans to get out of there. You might find you are even better off financially on your own!

He has quite a lot in savings. I can't say that he buys loads of stuff for himself because he doesn't. However if he wants something he will get it (£250 of golf stuff last month.) similarly if he wants to go out with his friends or on a stag do or something he can afford to go. He's been abroad three times without me for stag dos since having ds. I wouldn't be able to entertain doing the same and have had to turn down invites to things simply because I can't afford it.