To not lie to the dr as instructed by dh.

[Youcanbesneezyimnotdopey]

Dh is clearly being an unreasonable arse.

He suffers from hayfever. Normally he gets it on prescription as it is so expensive over the counter and he gets through a lot of it. It costs nearly £20 to buy over the counter. He has recently moved to my dr's surgery, previously he was still at the one where he lived before and his mother used to get the prescription and pay for the charge.

I suffer from a long term medical condition which entitles me to free prescriptions. So he wants me to go and lie to the dr and get the hayfever stuff so we don't have to pay. I have refused. This morning he said to me to go to the chemist to get his hayfever stuff and I said ok if he gave me the money (I'm a poor sahm, he earns 70k+ a year). He refused and said I could pay as its my own fault for refusing to get him free prescriptions.

I will not do this a) because its just plain wrong, b) because I've never had hayfever in my life and it'll probably look odd of I suddenly develop so badly I need eye drops, nose drops and antihistamines and c) because I have quite enough on my medical record without anything else.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?! He is not very pleased but in all honestly he is a bit of a bulky sometimes and I think he thinks I will give in if he's unpleasant enough.

'a bit of a bully'????

as usual, deeper issues here.

BTW he can buy an annual prescription ticket or a three month one. More than a prescription a month and it is cheaper.

You are the parent who stays at home doing the caring. If you split, HE leaves your family home, not you!
He will have to pay maintainance, plus you will be entitled to benefits whilst you search for work.
If you are really serious about leaving, there are options. Get some figures together, make some plans, save some cash secretly to help (difficult on what you are getting, but feed the git beans on toast for a few months if necessary)

OP why don't you talk to Women's Aid and see if you can get some time with a solicitor?

Please tell me that you don't have sex with him? Why are you scared of him? What can he do, shout? Do you think he is going to hit you?

Is there anything good about this man, OP? He sounds like a controlling arsehole and unlike many MNers, I don't use the word 'controlling' lightly. I wonder if you'd be better off - financially and emotionally - without him?

How awful - he sounds like a nasty bully. Why does he think he has the right to dictate what the money is being spent on? Its family money not his money FFS.

What would happen if you stopped shopping for him - food, toiletries, clothes etc? How about going on strike?

He might have to give me more money if we split up. But where would we live? Also I'm somewhat concerned that he could afford a great lawyer...me...not so much.

I would not put it past him to lie in court.
I would not put it past him to be one of those fathers that hurts their children just so the mother can't have them. Which is a terrible thing to think and maybe I'm overreacting...but it is a nagging worry.

Find out as much info as possible about the finances. Copy documents if you get a chance.

And then get yourself to a solicitor asap and find out how you can walk away from this vile man with enough to set yourself and your children up in a new, happy home.

If I knew where you lived and it was near me, I would quite happily turn up on the doorstep, say "hello Mr OP" and slap him round the face with a rancid fish.

He's an arse of the highest order and he doesn't deserve to have you in his life at all, never mind doing his dishonest little errands for him.

Whose decision was it for you to be a SAHM?

The more you tell us about him, the more I agree with the person who said its a solicitor not a doctor that's needed.

He's done a right number on your self-esteem, hasn't he? Does he do much in the way of childcare?

You've opened a can of worms OP, had you realised before everyone started replying this morning that the finances between you and your husband were seriously fucked up?

No ifs no buts, joint account NOW.

sorry lots of xposts

Aldi do cheap antihistamines

Please follow kungfupanda's advice.
Your situation is not right. Get advice without him knowing, then you can make an informed decision on how to take it forward.

I would not put it past him to lie in court.
I would not put it past him to be one of those fathers that hurts their children just so the mother can't have them. Which is a terrible thing to think and maybe I'm overreacting...but it is a nagging worry.

Please call Women's Aid. It sounds like you really need them, for yourself AND your children

Tight bastard.

Start charging the fucker for his meals in the evening. Start with a lovely Elizabethan salad peppered with marigolds and daisies.

We both decided I'd be a sahm. At the time dh was all for it.

Yes, I was aware before this morning that all was not rosy. There have been issues prior to this.

Where would you go if you split up? You would stay right where you are, in the house, with the kids, he is the one who gets to move out.

Are you seriously seriously thinking that there will suddenly come a time in a few years' time when you will have a) the financial independence b) the courage to LTB?

You won't. That perfect moment never comes. Sorry that this has escalated from husband-being-an-arse-over-a-packet-of-pills to LTB, but actually, it was never about the pills was it?

He is a bullying fuckwit. He gads about playing golf and going abroad on stag dos while you sell the charms on your fucking christening bracelet?

That is not going to happen again. Is it? Not now? No going back now you're realising what an utter wanker this man is.

Any redeeming points? Good father? (no he isn't, not while he's abusing the mother of his children)

Please kick him out and start again. You deserve so much more. He wants a low paid skivvy not a wife.

Sadly this has gone tbe way I feared. :(

OP your husband is a bully and he is abusing you. £500 per month is less than a single parent gets if claiming benefits.

How dare he do this to you. You are not unemployable a 30 with 4 years out of work either. Does he tell you that?

Leave him. There are ways and means. Do you want your DS growing up thinking this type of relationship is normal? Post a thread in relationships and the people over there can point you in the direction of how to leave.

You deserve so much better.

Tell us about the other issues.

Just have HQ move this whole thread into relationships maybe? Although the posts on here are pretty much what you'd get over there as well.

So sorry, OP. You deserve better.

I really feel for you, OP. Your situation is sadly not unfamiliar and other women I've seen go through this have been utterly miserable. However, in the time I've been on MN, there have been quite a few threads following women who start out in your situation and go through the process of identifying and accepting that they're in an abusive relationship and then taking the steps to get out of there. It's not easy, it's not always quick, but there IS a wealth of support here and from places like Women's Aid. Please don't feel like your situation isn't "bad enough" to call them; you may not see it now but take it from the opinions of a bunch of internet weirdos to whom you've described elements of your marriage - this is abusive.

Firstly, reapply for Child Benefit. You need that as cash in your pocket but also so your NI contributions are covered. It's down to your husband to make sure he fills out his tax return to repay it.

Secondly, speak to Women's Aid. Do you have any friends or relatives you can open up to about this? Someone who can be there for you?

Those are two achievable but big steps towards regaining your independence and removing this awful man from your life. You can do this, and we're all here to help you along the way.

Yu are afraid he might hurt the children to get to you? And yet you want to stay with this man?

Yes, because whilst ds was with him id worry the entire time. At least I know ds is safe at the moment.
Dh is not physically abusive. Ok he's not the greatest dad (minimal interest) but he's not horrid to ds...more affectionately dismissive I guess.