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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking nrp should dedicate their weekend to their children?

188 replies

LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 22:12

Have posted (ranted) about exH before. He sees our 5 year old every other weekend from Fri at 6 until 2 on Sunday. He has no midweek or holiday contact which is his choice. He has a new hobby which he needs to travel 1.5 hours away to do on a Saturday morning. DD can't take part but he says she'll 'really enjoy going along to watch.' It takes 2 hours then another 1.5 hours home so that's most of Saturday spent on DD watching/travelling to something he enjoys while she is bored stiff. AIBU in thinking that with the little time he has DD he could dedicate it to doing things with/for her? It's entirely possible to do the hobby whenever he likes, he has chosen sat mornings.

OP posts:
HibiscusIsland · 02/06/2013 22:16

It's hard to know without knowing whether he is right that she would enjoy being there or whether you are right that she would be bored stiff. Can you say what the activity is?

MajesticWhine · 02/06/2013 22:19

I think perhaps YABU but I agree it depends what the activity is. If she is on her own for 2 hours with no company, then obviously that is not ok. But generally I think that kids can fit in around parents' hobbies to a certain extent, rather than having it their way 24/7. No different for nrp really.

HollyBerryBush · 02/06/2013 22:20

Do you not think the 2 hours travelling is quality time? 1-2-1 conversation?

Ask any of my children, they like their one-on-one time in the car with either parent, it's exclusive, and undivided attention.

joanofarchitrave · 02/06/2013 22:20

YANBU from my POV though would have to know what the hobby is to be sure.

Who looks after her while he does the hobby? Can't he lead/coach a youth group so that she can do the hobby while he watches, with a view to them doing it together when she's older?

NicknameIncomplete · 02/06/2013 22:27

I think because he only sees her every other weekend & if it is true that he can do his hobby any other time YANBU.

If i only saw my child every other weekend i'd want to devote that weekend to them.

Numberlock · 02/06/2013 22:28

I agree with you. He has 12 days out of every 14 to do what he wants.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 22:29

It's skiing. They don't talk in the car, she plays on the Ipad which she'd also do while dad skis. His girlfriend would be going too but also skiing so no one directly supervising dd

OP posts:
theoriginalandbestrookie · 02/06/2013 22:32

So where is your DD whilst the adults are skiing? The long car journey and lack of prioritisation of your DD is disappointing, but I'd be more worried about a 5 year old girl not being supervised.

BridgetBidet · 02/06/2013 22:35

I think I remember this, it's cricket isn't it, and it's during the summer months? If I'm right I don't think it's necessarily unreasonable when it's just during summer. And bearing in mind it will often be rained off anyway.

kim147 · 02/06/2013 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BridgetBidet · 02/06/2013 22:36

Oh sorry, x post. Skiiing is a bit different, as you say she's not being supervised and it will be all year round if it's on a dry slope. No, you're right it's not fair. I'd put my foot down, it's inappropriate.

JumpingJackSprat · 02/06/2013 22:37

Hate to break it to you but its none of your business what he does on contact weekends or otherwise.

joanofarchitrave · 02/06/2013 22:37

Can't your dd do skiing lessons?

pinkballetflats · 02/06/2013 22:38

What is your DD going to do whilst they're skiing? Onsite crèche? So long as your DD is having a good time I'd just let it go...but yes, I'd be a bit Hmm at him preferring to go skiing than spending his every other weekend with his daughter, but you can't force him into doing it how you think it should be done. You're daughter will make up her own mind in a few years time about the state of his relationship with her.

foreverondiet · 02/06/2013 22:38

Why can't she ski too? Totally inappropriate for her not to be supervised while he is skiing - where is she and who is watching her? Am a bit confused as can't see how anyone would think it ok to leave a 5 year old to watch unsupervised - btw is it indoor or outdoor skiing?

pinkballetflats · 02/06/2013 22:43

JumpingJack - I think it is the OP's business if LO isn't being supervised...if she really is just watching her DF and his GF skiing from the sidelines then who is looking after her? She's only 5....

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 22:47

It's indoor and there's a viewing gallery where DD will be plonked with Ipad. He has lessons during the week but likes to practice at weekends. I've queried who is supervising DD - he said it's fine as she can see them initially then when I said that isn't good enough he said he and gf take turn in sitting with her but DD says they ski together. He apparently cannot afford for DD to ski...!

OP posts:
Ragusa · 02/06/2013 22:50

Is it dry slope skiing or do you live in southrrn hemisphere??

Either way I think it is pretty shoddy he's not doing things she might enjoy. I guess if it's dry slope she will be in sight of your EX H if he is still beginning. If it's snow skiing... well, he would presumably be leaving her unattended Shock. Ski slopes can be km long......

Agree she could learn, as long as she is physically able to do so. Five is old enough.

Cherriesarelovely · 02/06/2013 22:50

It would upset me too if my Dd were to be in this situation. I suppose it might well be "fun to watch" but the bottom line is he is doing it for himself and she just happens to be there which, bearing in mind, he only has her every other weekend is a bit pathetic and selfish. I agree.

I had a friend whose xh did this, had his Dcs on Saturdays and they had to spend the entire day at his rugby club waiting for him to finish playing rugby and then sitting in the bar while he had drinks with his mates. When you only have a day or two a week (or every 2 weeks) with your kids and this is what you choose to do I think it sends a very clear message to them.....that you come first. Sad.

Agree with pinkballetflats though, ultimately your Dd will make up her own mind. Hard for you though.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 22:53

JumpingJack - I appreciate there's little I can do about it but still entitled to be annoyed for dd particularly as there's a hobby she'd like to take part in locally but can't because of his skiing. I've offered to take DD to her activity while he skis and then he collects her after thus saving unnecessary travelling time for DD, letting her do the activity she'd enjoy and being safe and supervised but he refuses

OP posts:
Ragusa · 02/06/2013 22:53

X post. He sounds a git. He can't afford for her to do it? What a prize knob. YADDDNBU. Your poor DD.

joanofarchitrave · 02/06/2013 22:54

To answer your OP then, if he is super focused on this hobby, it is morally appalling that he doesn't spend the money on paying for her skiing lessons, while he watches. And if he thinks that would be boring... hah.

He could of course just take her to the park, and pay for extra skiing lessons for himself on the weekends he doesn't have her which might appeal more to such a selfish wanker.

And I would report a person who left a five year old unsupervised for that length of time. Could you write to his parents and ask for their intervention?

clam · 02/06/2013 22:55

I'd be furious about this. For sure, skiing is expensive, but he's managing to fund his own lessons (plural?) during the week PLUS extra practice at the weekend, PLUS the fuel costs of a long journey there and back, so I would guess he's not exactly on the breadline. Maybe if he only had a one hour practice instead of two (available at my local snow-dome), he could fund a lesson for her at the same time?

AcrylicPlexiglass · 02/06/2013 22:56

Sounds crap. Poor dd.:( Doubt there's much you can do, as JumpingJack says but completely with Cherriesarelovely that it shows very clearly where his priorities lie.

AcrylicPlexiglass · 02/06/2013 22:58

completely agree with

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