in thinking nrp should dedicate their weekend to their children?

[LittleLisa78]

Have posted (ranted) about exH before. He sees our 5 year old every other weekend from Fri at 6 until 2 on Sunday. He has no midweek or holiday contact which is his choice. He has a new hobby which he needs to travel 1.5 hours away to do on a Saturday morning. DD can't take part but he says she'll 'really enjoy going along to watch.' It takes 2 hours then another 1.5 hours home so that's most of Saturday spent on DD watching/travelling to something he enjoys while she is bored stiff. AIBU in thinking that with the little time he has DD he could dedicate it to doing things with/for her? It's entirely possible to do the hobby whenever he likes, he has chosen sat mornings.

YANBU - it's not a hobby he has to do every weekend, why can't he do it every other Sat when he doesn't have dd?? But the unsupervised part would be my biggest issue - what is to stop her walking out the door? 5 is far too young IMO

Also if you do go to observe. Take video of her being alone for quite a while with the surrounding area showing that there is no one with her. Then video where ex dh is to show how she is not with him.

We spend a huge amount of time at the indoor snow slope in the NW - all three DSs ski and I wouldn't leave the youngest two (3 & 6) unsupervised at any point. They are either with us or on he slopes. They can get incredibly busy especially between September and March or if there's a competition on and the viewing area is not easily accessible from the slopes.

I would just turn up the next time your DD is there and see what the situation is.

YADDNBU! I am staggered that he could think it's an acceptable thing to do! I think your plan to email him at work is a good one. There is some guidance from the NSPCC that might help:
www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents-and-carers/guides-for-parents/out-alone/out-alone-pdf_wdf90724.pdf
The opinion seems be be universal that young children should not be left unsupervised! Apart from all the worst-case scenarios, she is sitting playing with an expensive bit of kit. What's to stop someone taking it off her?
I would also be tempted to call the ski centre and ask their policy for looking after unsupervised children, check all their staff are CRB checked etc....they have so many visitors I honestly don't think they will want to accept responsibility for an unattended 5 year old for the sake of a single customer, however much he skis. I would be really surprised if they were okay with it. You could also tell him their response in your email.
If none of that sinks in then I would be tempted to go an 'observe' next week and take it from there.
I might also be tempted tohave this thread deleted though . Maybe I'm being ott, sorry if so.

Sorry, lots of tempteds up there. I should have stopped beating around the bush!

Seems to me that if he carries on like this it won't be long before DD announces she doesn't want to go anymore and he will have lost her by his own doing. Poor girl.

A lot of good points here. I think I would go myself and see what's going on. Yes someone could easily take her. Would be quite easy for someone to 'befriend' her if she's alone for a while. 5 is way too young and she should be doing something for her too which it doesn't sound as though she gets much of that even after the skiing.
I like the idea of dd taking photos of Dad and gf together but not near her though.

YADNBU! Very sad that he is being like this. Totally unacceptable.

I think there's a way to address this without going in person.I'd phone up the ski centre and ask to speak to the manager and explain the situation.

No way on earth the centre will be consciously supporting this happening, risk to their reputation if something happened to your DD is too high.

I would also email your ex, making it very matter of fact and only addressing the safety aspects of your DD being unsupervised and that you have checked with the ski centre and they have advised that children are to be accompanied by an adult at all times except if they are in classes.

I suspect next time ex arrives there will be big signs planted all over the place about not leaving young children unattended and if they do, they'll be tannoyed within minutes effectively putting an end to all future ski sessions.

I agree with those who say just watch and video how long she is left unsupervised. Then take it up with your ex by email. That way when he denies it happens you can just send him the video and say you already have proof. Ideally get him and his gf on the slopes on the video so he can't try and suggest you videoed her on another day.

There are two ski centres I have taken my kids to. One has the viewing area in a bar. The other has a viewing area that is just part of the general public area with shops either side in a shopping centre that the ski centre is part of. Both would be completely inappropriate places to leave a five year old.

While I am all in favour of allowing children freedom, taking a child to the same place on the same day every two weeks and them leaving them unsupervised in an area with lots of people coming and going is something that could easily be observed by somebody whose intentions are not good. Unlike a child, for example, standing at a bus stop alone, people in general are going to assume a child in a bar or viewing area is being supervised by an adult and are not going to be watching out for them to prevent an accident or unsuitable approaches by strangers.

Mutt - I'm not sure if I'm in favour of videoing or not, but I have taken photos and videos of my children at the ski slope on many occasions, as have many other parents.

i think it's shit that someone who sees his child for 2 days out of 14 cant prioritise her on those days. poor child. what fun it must be for her watching her dad and GF have all the fun whilst she has unsupervised access to the internet at 5 years old!

if he cant afford for his DD to ski with him then he should either forget about the practise session EOW or he should find a hobby they can both do together.

Is there any way you can ask the local police to check in on her? Or 'anonymously tip' them that you've seen a child every second Saturday unsupervised at the place?

Your poor DD though :(

can he just have her every saturday to Monday instead?

Yanbu, he has plenty of free time to do what he wants.

Yanbu
At the two centres I've been to I would not leave my ds unattended In the viewing gallery (not even to go to the loo). You can't get from the slope to the area quickly without taking all your gear off, let alone the distraction of the activity meaning she can't actually be watched.
. Also they lead to other areas so its not safe.
They do lessons from 4 so I can't see why she can't join in? Cost clearly not being an issue here

I asked that earlier formicadinosaur, he won't have her past 2pm on sunday as he has to get himself ready for work on monday.

I feel so sorry for the DD, and tbh for our OP, LittleLisa, she must be horrified at what on earth she ever saw in a twat like this? Was he always like this, or is a newly acquired skill to be the total prick of the year?

Mind you, what about the GF? If I was going out with someone who did this, he'd be GONE!

(((((HUGE HUGS))))))

can't he book his DD with a ski instructer also

formica he says he can't afford it!

normal life should continue at weekends, added to which car travel time is an important part of family life as often you will find more out about your dc in the car chatting than you will at any other time