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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking nrp should dedicate their weekend to their children?

188 replies

LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 22:12

Have posted (ranted) about exH before. He sees our 5 year old every other weekend from Fri at 6 until 2 on Sunday. He has no midweek or holiday contact which is his choice. He has a new hobby which he needs to travel 1.5 hours away to do on a Saturday morning. DD can't take part but he says she'll 'really enjoy going along to watch.' It takes 2 hours then another 1.5 hours home so that's most of Saturday spent on DD watching/travelling to something he enjoys while she is bored stiff. AIBU in thinking that with the little time he has DD he could dedicate it to doing things with/for her? It's entirely possible to do the hobby whenever he likes, he has chosen sat mornings.

OP posts:
AcrylicPlexiglass · 02/06/2013 23:48

bloody hell, clam! That is a bar!

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 23:49

Mutt I just feel powerless about the lack of supervision as he lies so much. I am bitter that he can't take the time to treat our DD better, you're right there

OP posts:
clam · 02/06/2013 23:50

alienbanana That's not THE location, it's the viewing gallery in A snow centre. No idea if it's the one the OP is talking about; she hasn't said.

alienbanana · 02/06/2013 23:51

I thought she said it was the same one upthread, apologies if I've got wires crossed though.

pinkballetflats · 02/06/2013 23:51

Right then...lack of money...we need to look at this from a different angle - and your EX is being a right barsteward dangling emotional carrots to get your DD to comply with his way of thinking (got that T-shirt too)

Do not even think about just moving away - you're much better standing your ground over issues of safety than making a move such as that one.

You need proof of his lack of care for her safety...

Speak to a sol, 30 minute free consultation thing and find out what would be considered proof.

What about Social Services? Could you tell them what is happening? Could they turn up there? Do you have a friend who is a probation officer, or a court clerk, or a police officer etc? They could perhaps witness what is happening?

Could you video her being left alone?

alienbanana · 02/06/2013 23:52

Ah... Referring to the other thread. :)

AcrylicPlexiglass · 02/06/2013 23:53

Good point alienbanana. Perhaps we should get the thread deleted, Lisa? It sounds like there are not many of these places and it is not ideal to give all the scum of the internet information about where an unsupervised 5 year old may be found, rare as it is for bad stuff to happen.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 23:54

No I meant same exH as. Other post who won't communicate except in writing.

OP posts:
Mutt · 02/06/2013 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AcrylicPlexiglass · 02/06/2013 23:57

AGree with Mutt re email concentrating on safety and not mentioning his general rubbishness as a father.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 23:58

I've consulted a Solicitor before who advised stopping contact but ultimately he isn't going to be awarded no contact by the court even if I did prove this - he'd just be made to attend a parenting information course and could well end up with more than the bare minimum contact he has now which would be worse for dd

OP posts:
Mutt · 03/06/2013 00:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 03/06/2013 00:02

Will email over safety concerns then may well go along to see if he's listened. Good job I send all emails to his work email address so he can't pretend they weren't received ;-)

OP posts:
clam · 03/06/2013 00:02

Isn't he already entitled to more contact, but chooses only to have EOW? as long as it doesn't interrupt his skiing and roast lunches

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 03/06/2013 00:03

I know mutt but he'd still take her to spite me then palm her off on other people :-(

OP posts:
pinkballetflats · 03/06/2013 00:04

That's a dice you're going to have to roll, OP.

What would happen if someone else reported both you for knowingly allowing him to leave her unsupervised in a public place and him for doing it? And your only defence is that you feel there is nothing you can do and that you were worried you'd look like a contact blocking bitch? What if something happened to your daughter and those prosecuting found out you knew she was going to be left unsupervised? You'd be accountable too.

You must do something about this.

Perhaps post about it on legal? Have you thought about contacting Rights of Women's Aid for advice? He is being abusive. And perhaps since he is putting your daughter in danger they would help you get the right help?

BlackeyedSusan · 03/06/2013 00:04

could you ask the police to do a welfare check? does someone know whether that is possible?

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 03/06/2013 00:06

Yes he's entitled but there's currently no court order so he just conveniently 'forgets' to book time off in school holidays - except for his own Hol with gf of course

OP posts:
pinkballetflats · 03/06/2013 00:08

So there isn't actually any official contact order in place? Which means that you wouldn't be breaching an order if you stop her going for her safety.

I'd stop it right now...and then get advice.

Mutt · 03/06/2013 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 03/06/2013 00:17

I like that idea mutt, thank you.

OP posts:
foreverondiet · 03/06/2013 00:24

Yes - I agree go next week - or even better send a friend that your dd won't recognise - don't let your dd see you - just observe - and take photos. And if she is left alone you then have evidence. Also call up midweek and ask policy on unsupervised children. Tbh I have a dd aged 9.5 and even at that age I don't think it's safe.

clam · 03/06/2013 00:27

Good idea, although I'm not sure anyone taking photos of a child from a distance in a public place is going to work.

sashh · 03/06/2013 04:40

I was half considering traveling to the ski place and seeing for myself if she's unsupervised then taking her home if so and waiting to see how long it takes him to notice

I was going to say do that.

Doesn't the ipad have a camera, maybe dd could takes some nice pictures of ex and gf skiing together?

Jemma1111 · 03/06/2013 06:13

Your ex is an utter arsehole for leaving your dd on her own whilst he has fun with the gf.

I agree , he's putting her in potential danger and I too would stop contact if he won't listen to your concerns about him taking her there and leaving her alone .

If it comes to it and you're worried that your dd won't tell anyone what her 'father' has been doing , could you not get a dictophone and record her telling you exactly what's been going on ?