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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking nrp should dedicate their weekend to their children?

188 replies

LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 22:12

Have posted (ranted) about exH before. He sees our 5 year old every other weekend from Fri at 6 until 2 on Sunday. He has no midweek or holiday contact which is his choice. He has a new hobby which he needs to travel 1.5 hours away to do on a Saturday morning. DD can't take part but he says she'll 'really enjoy going along to watch.' It takes 2 hours then another 1.5 hours home so that's most of Saturday spent on DD watching/travelling to something he enjoys while she is bored stiff. AIBU in thinking that with the little time he has DD he could dedicate it to doing things with/for her? It's entirely possible to do the hobby whenever he likes, he has chosen sat mornings.

OP posts:
clam · 03/06/2013 19:10

Not if the OP's dd is banished to the back with an ipad to shut her up, while the ex and his new squeeze cosy up together in the front.

ivykaty44 · 03/06/2013 19:13

and how long will the dc put up with normal life do you think?

FreyaSnow · 03/06/2013 19:15

I don't think it is normal life to leave a five year old unsupervised while you go skiing.

alienbanana · 03/06/2013 19:19

I wouldn't leave my 5yo on his own anywhere in public, for any length of time. Was tempted to leave him at the table in the restaurant the other day when I popped to the loo, but in those 2 mins he could easily have got up and wandered off by himself.

Leave him for hours alone in a bar? Your ex is fucking useless.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 03/06/2013 21:30

The fact that she is unsupervised suggests that no-one will be around to question the op on who/what she is videoing.

If she is challenged by a staff member then this is the perfect opportunity to ask them their policy and to point out her DD so they recognise her being left alone the next time.

kim147 · 03/06/2013 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joanofarchitrave · 03/06/2013 21:35

I guess it's possible that if you go there, you will find that your daughter is being looked after in the viewing area, and that it was a one-off that she was left alone even after the discussion you had. I still think it would be worth doing (not the videoing, IMO) as you have had enough information to think she is potentially at risk.

If she is 'just' being bored stiff for a large chunk of her only time with her father, there's nothing you can do Sad except to continue to propose changes in the contact schedule.

And absolute [facepalm] at the idea that every parent needs 18 hours child-free time to prepare for work in the morning.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 03/06/2013 22:00

Kim she plainly tells him what she wants to do, he just puts himself first unfortunately. He makes, and subsequently breaks, promise after promise about fun things they'll do and I can practically see her faith in him draining only to be replaced with resentment

OP posts:
AudrinaAdare · 03/06/2013 22:39

"has to get himself ready for work in the morning"

Hmm

Is he a fashion model? A clown?

I managed to wash, dress, put on some make-up, do my hair and dress when DD was a crawling baby. Lots of people do. What a twat!

needaholidaynow · 03/06/2013 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragusa · 03/06/2013 23:13

Unh needaholiday - Are there other children? I didn't see any mention of them anywhere in Littlelisa's posts - have I missed something?

Ragusa · 03/06/2013 23:15

Someone upthread mentioned getting social services perspective on this. Would that be a good idea/ possible/ feasible? It also occured to me but I don't have any actual experience in this area and I wouldn't know if that course of action would be fruitful or might conversely put you and your DD at more risk of unwanted intervention?

clam · 03/06/2013 23:31

There's been no mention of other children. The OP's dd is left alone whilst the ex skis with his girlfriend. Where would other children fit into that scenario?
The only "second class citizen" I see on this thread is that poor little 5 year old girl who's being dumped in a viewing gallery/bar with an electronic babysitter every time she visits her father.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots · 03/06/2013 23:32

Audrina, your post made me think of 'blue steel' from zoolander Grin.

OP I think you need to actually do something about it as it happens i.e. get the ski centre involved in taking action by either tipping them off directly or indirectly. You phone up and state that you are worried that your DD is being left unattended in the bar/viewing area and ask them to observe your DD and then check on her. You can get the name of the person you speak to, and ask them to call you back once they've had a chance to watch what is going on, and hopefully put a call out for her dad to come and collect her. You could explain that your relationship is strained and ask that they do not mention your call when addressing the issue with your ex. Alternatively, if you are able to get a friend to go along with you and get them to go into the viewing area, watch your DD for a bit and then bring her situation to their attention i.e. she appears to be a child left unsupervised.

needaholidaynow · 03/06/2013 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreyaSnow · 03/06/2013 23:45

There aren't very many indoor snow slopes in the UK. This one is the chill factor:

img245.imageshack.us/img245/6283/newlettingplansept07hj7.jpg

The viewing window is at the top of the yellow area. It is not inside the snow slope facilities and is near an exit from a small shopping centre on to a road. These viewing areas were never intended as a place to just leave kids.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 04/06/2013 06:56

He doesn't have any other children but they d take a child relative of the girlfriend skiing too, so another person for DD to watch having fun without her and listen to discussing the skiing holiday they'll take when they can ski - without her.

OP posts:
Boomba · 04/06/2013 07:02

I would book her and take her to the activity, that you said she would like to do on a Saturday; and tell X he can pick her up after skiing.

If he doesn't Luke it, he can go to court huh and persuade the judge

Lweji · 04/06/2013 07:23

I was going to propose taking DD too.
I'd take her and then ring the police to tell them I had done it and my concerns.
It would be recorded the time your ex rings them, and when he first talks to staff about it.

A softer version would be to talk to management there about children being left alone and make one record (sign) when you showed up and then when he shows up.
Meanwhile just take DD out of sight.

He's only setting himself to losing his DD.

What do you say to her about dad's attitudes?

StayAwayFromTheEdge · 04/06/2013 08:09

Knowing the staff at the slope we use (manchester) I don't think they would be all that interested in getting involved. It's not like a sports centre where you go through a barrier to get in, it's more like a shopping centre and it's rare to see staff wondering about in the viewing areas.

Guerrillacrochet · 04/06/2013 08:50

Oh my goodness little they take another kid too? This just gets worse for your poor dd. What an absolute turd he is. Didn't you say his excuse for not skiing with her was that he couldn't afford it?

CerealMom · 04/06/2013 09:31

Just to make sure I've got the facts:

  1. Every other weekend contact.
  2. Contact finishes at 2pm Sunday, so he can 'get ready for work'.
  3. On contact weekend X drives to a ski centre with DD, 1.5hr journey.
  4. DD (5yrs) left in a public viewing area whilst X and GF have ski lesson.
  5. A young relative of GF also has lesson at same time.
  6. X 'can't afford' to give DD lessons.
  7. Mum has offered to have DD during ski lesson, X has refused.
  8. X has refused to adjust contact times, holiday contact.

I think the X is selfish, (cruel for the DD to watch another child having the lesson) and putting the child in danger. I can't imagine any mediator or family judge agreeing with this scenario.

OP I live near the Hemel Ski Centre if you need any help. I'm sure there are a fair few of us on the boards (LaurieFairyCake) springs to mind, I think. Not that I'm offering her services :-). Very very worried about an unattended child.

Startail · 04/06/2013 09:35

I think I just go and take her home and let him have the expense of taking me to court.

FatimaLovesBread · 04/06/2013 09:51

If it's Xscape at Castleford the viewing gallery is even worse visibility to the one linked. The window is side on so you can't physically see the top of the slope without getting your head to the window.

I could conveniently mention to staff that I'm worried about the little girl all on her own next time I go.

What's he doing with the skiing that requires so much ski time? If he works near surely he can just go every other Saturday and a week night?

Boomba · 04/06/2013 10:49

as resident parent to my 2 dcs, who i have and see day in day out, i wouldnt do this even. Its just shitty parenting

I wouldnt be arsed with driving up to take her away/alerting staff/alerting police. I just wouldnt let her go. Half about being unsupervised. But as much about it just being crap for the child