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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking nrp should dedicate their weekend to their children?

188 replies

LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 22:12

Have posted (ranted) about exH before. He sees our 5 year old every other weekend from Fri at 6 until 2 on Sunday. He has no midweek or holiday contact which is his choice. He has a new hobby which he needs to travel 1.5 hours away to do on a Saturday morning. DD can't take part but he says she'll 'really enjoy going along to watch.' It takes 2 hours then another 1.5 hours home so that's most of Saturday spent on DD watching/travelling to something he enjoys while she is bored stiff. AIBU in thinking that with the little time he has DD he could dedicate it to doing things with/for her? It's entirely possible to do the hobby whenever he likes, he has chosen sat mornings.

OP posts:
AcrylicPlexiglass · 02/06/2013 23:20

Oh I see, chipping. I've never been to one but if like ice skating I can imagine that it's quite chaotic!

AcrylicPlexiglass · 02/06/2013 23:23

I agree that you'd be well within your rights to personally go and check it out and make sure she is safe. As long as it won't get you into trouble. Have there been any issues with contact that a court has made orders about?

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 23:25

Will check out their website for photos and phone them to see what their policies about unattended children are. I've told him I think he's selfish for not arranging it outside of contact time as it's boring, tiring and unsuitable for DD but this is a man who takes spicy food hating DD out to Indian restaurants for dinner because it's his favourite so it's very much like talking to a brick wall

OP posts:
pinkballetflats · 02/06/2013 23:25

OP - there's plenty you can do if your DD is being left in a public access gallery unsupervised...you can refuse to let her go and let him take you to court over it.

This is the H that refuses to communicate in writing too isn't it?

Communicate your concerns in writing - document everything - he's leaving a 5 year old unsupervised!!!! Completely inappropriate.

zipzap · 02/06/2013 23:27

I would ring up the manager of the dry ski slope, explain the circumstances as you have outlined them here and ask if that is acceptable under their terms and conditions (I'm guessing that there is probably something in the small print somewhere about not allowing minors to be left unaccompanied or unsupervised - and she's a little minor, it's not like she's 12 or 15 and able to curl up in a corner with the ipad and blend in, or know what to do if there was an emergency and the place needed evacuating etc).

I would hope the manager would then go and find your dd and your ex and explain to him why it is so wrong and why he can't continue to do this.

But on the other hand if the ex is paying lots to go very regularly they are not going to want to jeopardise it too much so maybe they won't be bothered - who knows. In which case I'd be tempted to contact the local police for the ski place and ask for their advice... You so do not want somebody at the ski slope to notice there's always a little girl there alone for a couple of hours on a saturday morning Sad

clam · 02/06/2013 23:27

littlelisa have you clicked on my link from earlier on? Probably not the same centre but they're all similar.

Can you imagine the outcry if a child was left alone unsupervised in a school setting?

zipzap · 02/06/2013 23:28

oops. cross posted with you OP.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 23:29

Yes same one. If he takes me to court he'll just deny it though and paint me as a contact blocking bitch. DD wouldn't talk to anyone to confirm what's happening

OP posts:
AcrylicPlexiglass · 02/06/2013 23:30

He sounds like a real prince. He's lucky your dd is such a sweetie and so well behaved. My boys did not behave well enough to be left alone anywhere at 5 (they are barely trustworthy at 14!) and my little one who is nearly 4 would throw the mother of all tantrums if we tried to leave her alone anywhere for 2 minutes, let alone 2 hours. But that is not the point. The point is that he sounds utterly totally and completely selfish. Angry Sad

Ragusa · 02/06/2013 23:30

I think the checking up and removing her idea is good...although it's going to inflame things, isn't it?

I am eternally amazed that such rubbish parents exist. :(

Ragusa · 02/06/2013 23:31

I mean your ex-p, not you, Littlelisa Shock Blush

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 23:33

Link won't load on phone but will look on computer tomorrow, thank you

OP posts:
elastamum · 02/06/2013 23:34

She is effectively being left in her own in a public place for 2 hours. Anything could happen to her and there is no way he would even know about it until he got off the slope. I would go down there one Saturday and pick her up. Then stop contact unless he stops leaving her alone. Poor child Confused

pinkballetflats · 02/06/2013 23:35

He is putting your daughter at risk. I fully understand this man is a game player - I've got one of those myself. You really need to put your foot down - at the risk of looking like an obstructive parent. Your concerns are valid - she has told you she is being left alone in a public viewing gallery whilst her DF and GF ski - her safety is way too important.

Do you have a sol? If so I would contact them immediately, tell them what is happening and your concerns and take it from there.

I'd also contact the centre manager and let them know what is going on - to see if you get any joy there with someone corroborating your story.

If CAFCASS asked your DD in the even of court would she really not tell them if they asked?

MagicHouse · 02/06/2013 23:37

Yes same one. If he takes me to court he'll just deny it though

Then turn up with a friend (who would be prepared to speak up) and see what the supervision is for her. There's no way she should be left alone in a big public place. Confront him then and there (not aggressively - just say you're not allowing her to go in future as she is unsupervised - if that's the case. Do your utmost to be polite and cool about it and not get into a row, especially in front of her.)

I think if your daughter is telling you no-one looks after her, and that she doesn't like being alone - then you can't ignore this.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 23:37

Ragusa - it's the only way I can think o to make him face up to the potentially dangerous situation he's putting DD in. Like an earlier poster said - they're there same time every other sat and it only takes someone to notice she's always alone...

OP posts:
Mutt · 02/06/2013 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 02/06/2013 23:38

viewinggallerybar
Here's another pic

clam · 02/06/2013 23:39

mutt but safety IS a key issue here. Take a look at those links I posted - specially the most recent one. Would you be happy to leave a 5 year old alone here?

Mutt · 02/06/2013 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elastamum · 02/06/2013 23:43

At all the indoor ski centres I know, Hemel, tam worth, MK, the viewing gallery is a cafe or bar, with pool tables etc. he is leaving your 5 yr old unsupervised in a bar Shock

AcrylicPlexiglass · 02/06/2013 23:43

I am all for parents not living solely for and through their children and having plenty of time to pursue their own hobbies and interests. But I have to say that I do find it really astonishing that he would want to spend half of his main day per fortnight with his daughter doing something without her. Really, really sad. Quite apart from the safety issue.

Original poster
LittleLisa78 · 02/06/2013 23:45

She really wouldn't tell them. He has a relative who's a child that DD adores and he's told her it'd stop her seeing them if she says anything to make him sound bad :-( magic the courts generally don't entertain non-independent people getting involved as friend could simply be lying for me. Problem is I've stopped contact once before for very good reason but we stopped the court process at mediation though because he's had to take court action before I will look obstructive and he can afford Solicitors which I can't. DD gets nothing from her relationship with him and I'm seriously considering just moving away

OP posts:
pinkballetflats · 02/06/2013 23:46

OP - I used to let my EX run circles around me for fear of looking like a contact blocking bitch - and even when he pretended for a whole year that his email didn't work, I still recorded everything that was done and said via email - and refused to speak with him on the phone, except on a couple of occasions. I do understand what it is like to deal with someone who will spin a situation any way possible to play games, lie and get everything the way they want - but you just have to stand your ground. Right now you're allowing him to dicate things to you - you DO have a say in things.

You do need to stick to what is best for DD though and not cloud it with how this man and his stupid controlling games makes you feel. If you put your foot down over valid reasons he's going to have less sticks to beat you with in the end.

alienbanana · 02/06/2013 23:46

Um... Is it really a good idea to link to the location? Confused