AIBU to give my DD £20/week and tell her to cater for herself?

[twofingerstoGideon]

OK, this is sort of lighthearted, but I'm semi-seriously considering it...

My 16 yo DD 'can't' tell me if she'll be home in time for dinner apparently. There are only two of us in our household and after a busy day at work I'd be happy to eat a slice of cheese on toast or a bowl of meusli or something quick and easy. Instead, I have always made a 'proper' meal, which DD and I eat together.

Nowadays she 'can't say' what time she'll arrive home, so WIBU to forget about catering for her, give her £20/week and tell her to sort herself out, saving endless arguments? As she wouldn't dream of clearing up after herself, washing dishes, etc., this would have to be done with the proviso that all meals must be eaten outside the house.

AIBU?

Only on mumsnet could you see a fight between a goblin and an egg

But she's shiny and sparkly and ornamental...

Want to crack her open and see what's inside, oh yessss.

Goblin you want to crack her open and see what's inside..... oooo errrrrr rinses brain

My goodness, fabergeegg, you're like a dog with a bone. People can see your other posts, you know, so it's not surprising you're being picked up on the '2 year old' issue.
Did you just come on the thread to chuck around insults?

'Goblin you want to crack her open and see what's inside....'

They were designed as presents for the Tzar and his family, they always had something inside them. Golden and glittery and detached from reality whilst the population starved.

www.eggbuy.com/images/egg04.jpg

www.designbuildideas.eu/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Art-Faberg%C3%A9-Eggs-5.jpg

I know that was just having a joke. My aunt-in-law had one. Got nicked by exbil and exsil when she died. Lovely people.

'My DH and I have been married for 5 years and have a gorgeous DD who is nearly 2'. Mon 20th May 2013.

Fabergegg do you not realise that if you search your name on mumsnet it comes up with any posts under that name?

Look goblingranny, I understand why posters with different views would want to cling to the fact that I have a (twenty-one year old) daughter. If I have said elsewhere that she is two, I can only apologise, I must have been rounding it up for the sake of brevity. I have been a foster parent. If you think this is somehow different or less 'special' than being a 'real' parent, I can only suggest you try it and have your eyes opened. Kids need parenting. If that's your job, you do it. It doesn't make any difference if they're your biological child or not. I actually find it inexplicable and very saddening that posters have suggested otherwise.

sinkhole I do now! :) I'm not bothered, to be honest. I know where my experience is coming from so that's ok.

2nd coming: The last time I encountered the kind of humour you're peddling, I was eight years old and reading Malory Towers. I'd initially thought that it was when I was nine years old and reading The Chalet School. But having had many opportunities to read your gloriously sarcastic and rather clumsy posts, I've now identified that it was Malory Towers. You're frequently belittling to other posters and seem to take delight in refusing them the opportunity to make a fair point. You use a few techniques and keep rehashing them every time, one of which is 'talking to an audience' (presumably you think you're entertaining a crowd/rounding up public opinion), another is being perverse when an point is made (pretending not to understand it), another is moving the goalposts so you don't have to acknowledge a point at all. I find you wearing. But you seem to be a prolific poster, so I can only imagine that your real life lacks drama of some sort. I've thought that so many times without saying it but really, you've got to be able to take it when you're so good at dishing it out.

Happily walks away to my twenty-one months old bathtime and bed routine.

fabergeegg With respect, if you're 'not bothered', why do you keep coming back on the thread to slag people off? I think you'd do well to read MumnGran's thread of yesterday at 19.30. You have invented a scenario that only exists in your own mind and been rude to several posters when they've pulled you up on it.

So is the daughter 21 years old or 21 months or are you making it up as you go along.

I think she's a bit muddled.
I believe her bio child is 21 months.
Egg, I think that fostering short or long term is admirable, but it's not the same thing as raising a child from a baby to a teenager to an adult.
That's more like adoption, the long-haul with no handing them back if the fostering situation breaks down, or extra support when needed.

OP, what have you decided to do?

goblingranny may you be forgiven. There is no support from social services in fostercare. If anything, they make it harder. And yes it is every bit as significant and difficult as 'raising a child from birth to adulthood'. If anything, it's harder because you're coming in at a time when they're not so attractive and you haven't got much invested except altruism. You're having to act what you don't always feel to kids who have been hurt before and desperately need it to be the real deal. Don't tell me that's not the same thing in a pejorative fashion. You have obviously not lived that life. Extra support. Ha! 'Handing them back'...to whom? The children's home? Now why does that not feel like an option...that would be because they're children who belong in a family, not a children's home.

2nd coming: Thanks. Maybe you will stop describing your movements as if you're in a screenplay now!

twofingers: Because it's interesting? As for rude..I know you don't give a damn about that because you told me to fuck off. Which I really do plan to do this time because it's getting ridiculous...

Blimey its got heated round here. I used to pretty much feed myself from 16 or so. No budget, but there was food in the fridge etc. I didn't think of my self as a child who needed to be moulded by that age, I had a boyfriend and went out a lot to the pub/work. I passed my driving test at 17, bought a car with my waitressing earnings and ate a lot in the restaurant I worked in.

Gee Faberge, don't hold back will you.

This was whilst taking my A'levels, I hasten to add.

I'm surprised Egg, my Dsis is a SW with specific responsibility for fostering and placements and support. She tells a different tale.

I have only read the first page. Our DC are 15 and 18. Presumably your dd is at school/college still. Ours have a lot of independence. Sun-thurs they come straight home from school or sport or drama or music lesson. They do not go out in the week; they know school work comes first.

The feeding doesn't bother me - do what suits. The priorities seem deeply skewed though.

There is a cooked meal every night here. At weekends, DS's dinner goes in the fridge if he is out. But it is there for him. Midwwek, totally unacceptable if he isn't in for dinner. Has never been an issue; not negotiablem

Cripes just read this last page. Eek - sorry not playing.

Same as curlsrus.

I went vegetarian and my mum decided it was a 'fad' and made me buy my own food and cook it.
I was about 16 at the time and ended up eating quorn burgers and beanfeast and wimpy beanburgers all the time which meant I ended up really skinny.

I think cooking and leaving it for her would be a fairer way of doing it and also allocate her some chores to do each week.

Yikes!

Will read whole thread next time!