To refuse to allow my 12 yo DD to travel unaccompanied?

[ItsDecisionTime]

As part of a pending contact order, ExP who lives in the USA, is asking that our 12 year old DD travels as an unaccompanied minor on her flights from the UK to US (to save him the time and cost of collecting her). It goes against all my parenting instincts on the basis that if anything had to happen on those flights, it would be everyone for themselves. I know people do allow their kids to travel alone but for me, that's just lazy parenting and something I'd only consider in an absolute emergency. She has only just started going into our town on her own but only when she is with a friend. Personally, I can't even contemplate what kind of father would even push for it in court when he knows I'm so set against it.

I don't think it's lazy parenting! Some people are fine with it and it must be a bit of an adventure for the children.

Why don't you fly over with her?

Personally I would be fine with it - my dd is 11

I suspect this is also about punishing your ex and making contact more difficult

Yabu

Yabu

How does she feel about it?

Lazy parenting? YABU

British Airways would allow a 12-year old to travel alone, would not even have to be chaperoned as an unaccompanied minor. So if she wants to go over and is comfortable with the idea, YABU.

YANBU to feel worried

But YABU to make the lazy parenting comment

Is there some sort of chaperon scheme on some airlines or did I dream that?

I think that how your dd feels about travelling unaccompanied should be the primary consideration here.

I don't know about your personal situation, but I travelled unaccompanied younger than 12 and LOVED it.

I get what you are saying about an inflight emergency - I do get that.

I think it's fine for you to say it's not something you are comfortable with, it's not fine to accuse others of lazy parenting because they make use of a service.

An unaccompanied minor is closely supervised by the airline and cabin crew and receives pretty preferential treatment. I did my first trip at 4 years old - and had a ball.

YABU.

Within the US, internal flights, you can travel unaccompanied at 5years old.

12 really isn't an issue. Lots of diplomat and military children do it every year.

YABU!

I took my first flight unaccompanied at 12. Was delivered to check-in by one relative, picked up at the other end by another. Nothing can happen, she can't get off at the wrong stop.

She's more unsafe driving to the airport, so I wouldn't let your fear of a plane crash stop her seeing her dad.

Yabu, I think most 12yos would be fine to travel unaccompanied. I assume that her dad would meet her at the other end.

YABU, it's possible and fine. My 13yo has flown to North Eastern Russia twice on her own. If you or her are uncomfortable, booking a chaperone might be better?

How does she feel about it? I wouldn't have a problem with it at all at that age, if she is used to flying, and if they are direct flights - there are more things that can go wrong if changes are involved.

I know plenty of people whose children have flown as unaccompanied minors at that age or younger (expat kids visiting family in the summer, children going to boarding schools etc); the second time I ever flew anywhere (aged 13, or possibly just turned 14) I was unaccompanied.

You might be able to hold out for another year or so, but after that I think you will start to seem unreasonable.

Many many children travel every day as unaccompanied minors, from a much younger age than your daughter.
You are fully entitled to your point of view, but to be scathing and sneery about people who do not share your opinion is very rude. There are many reasons that people who allow their children to fly as UM's and that does not make them lazy parents.
Try to separate your view of doing this from the animosity towards exP that is fairly apparent in your post.

Arf @ "lazy parenting" I cant think of a time when you are less likely to need to actually 'parent' a 12yo on a plane.

"Sit still, watch tv, stay glued to your Nintendo.....oh, you already are"
"Eat your dinner.....oh you already have"
"Dont get lost on the way to the loos"hahahaha
"Dont go anywhere while I nip to the loo"

Its a container. Once in, theres.nowhere to go til the end.

Oh, and our friends' daughter travelled as an unaccompanied minor on a 12-hour flight at the age of 9, and they are anything but lazy parents!

than on a plane. should say.

Yabu. I used to do this from about 12 years old. The cabin crew were annoying in their attentiveness.

She will be fine.

It's not lazy parenting, it's a consequence of parents being on different continents.

If you are that set against it, why don't you meet the cost and take the time to take her there yourself? Personally, I can't even contemplate what kind of mother would rather her child didn't see her father because of her own feelings.

What scenario are you thinking of in which it is every man for himself and having a parent present would make a significant difference to your DD?