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to be a bit suspicious of DP's new friendship

588 replies

faulkernegger · 27/05/2013 23:22

I'll try to be concise - my DP is a music teacher and has developed a friendship with the mother of one of his pupils. He visits the house to teach, and often doesn't come home for ages. They live 5 mins away and the lesson is 30 mins, but it's been 2 hours later on occasions. There's always a reason, usually he was helping her with something, but she has a husband. I have met her and we've been to the house and they to ours, and it's all very friendly, BUT I have this niggling feeling. Even my DD (12) says her dad is obsessed with this woman ( completely unprompted by me - I've not voiced my thoughts). AIBU?

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 30/05/2013 21:54

OP listen to AnyFucker, she knows her shit.

They doing the dirty on you and rubbing it in your face.

Minimammoth · 30/05/2013 21:54

How about looking Z in the eye and saying ' get your eyes/ hands off my husband'.

AnyFucker · 30/05/2013 21:55

room just type what you feel and then edit out all the comes naturally then Smile

Doubtfuldaphne · 30/05/2013 21:59

My dh is a music teacher too and there is a line you just dont cross - even if you get on great
We house sit for one wealthy family who's dc he teaches but we wouldn't socialise with them outside of lessons
Go with your instincts

Fairenuff · 30/05/2013 22:25

he looked a bit surprised, and then said 'oh great, I had planned to any way with ds, and by the way Z and her two ds might come along'...

There it is, right there. This is the point where he proves there is more to it because he is lying. They might come along? No, this is a planned date event and he has even got the puncture repair kit in advance.

Lying by ommission. Ask yourself why op.

AnyFucker · 30/05/2013 22:28


The pivotal point

Ignore this at your detriment, OP

After this point, you will start blaming yourself for being a doormat and you would be right

believe me

Ledkr · 30/05/2013 22:38

I'd not be subtle at all tbh. If say who the fuck do you think you are acting like a lovesick teen in front if me and your child. Of then assist him in a spot of packing before showing him the door.
Disrespectful fucker.

myroomisatip · 30/05/2013 22:40

AF I was born a people pleaser but I am learning!

OP I cant get over the blatancy of announcing a cycle ride with this woman and her family and not even discussing it with you?

This is a ludicrous situation and you have got to put a stop to it as soon as you can. I could not share a bed with my husband under these circumstances, I would not sleep a wink.

AnyFucker · 30/05/2013 22:48

You seem ok to me room Smile

LindyHemming · 30/05/2013 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/05/2013 00:07

If he got anymore blatant he might as well just shag her in front of you.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 31/05/2013 06:59

What a couple of twats they both are, him especially for sitting on the floor like a dickhead eyeing her up in front of you.

How did the chat go?

HarrySnotter · 31/05/2013 07:23

I'm all for not over reacting bit seriously OP, they are taking you for a mug and you are watching them do it. He arranged a date with her, children used as an 'cover'. You need to sort this out properly now, don't wait.

bettycocker · 31/05/2013 07:50

Female-male friendships are fine, but it sounds as though he is pushing his luck here.

What does her DH think of him helping her with things? Men like to help their DP/DW with things, so your DP should be helping you, not another women.

In your situation I would tell DP that he only helps me with things and that she has her own DP to help her. I would also tell him what a tit he is being and that even your DD has commented about it.

OHforDUCKScake · 31/05/2013 07:53

OP my stomach churned for you when I reas this whole thread. Although perhaps thats all the caffiene Ive had this morning.

Either way, this has wrong written all over it.

When you discuss this with him, do not let him pull the age old lines;

"Dont be daft, its in your head"
"You've got everything in a twist, stop being emotional"
"You've let your imagination run away with you"
"You're paranoid"

Etc etc.

BadgersNadgers · 31/05/2013 08:25

I think he's using the pano lessons and children as a front to make this look respectable. It's not.

Ihavenamechangeddd · 31/05/2013 08:31

How are you feeling OP? Just read this and couldn't not reply.

I wouldn't nessersarily jump to the conclusion of an affair, but I would be doing a bit of snooping. It definitely sounds as if your DH is interested, hard to tell if she feels the same back but she's obviously enjoying the attention.

Has he done anything like this before?

forgetmenots · 31/05/2013 08:37

I really don't consider myself the jealous type and mush has plenty of female friends and colleagues, but seriously OP this is so disrespectful, I hope you have spoken to him and made your feelings clear.

forgetmenots · 31/05/2013 08:38

*mush = my DH

Fairenuff · 31/05/2013 08:51

How are things today faulk did you have the talk?

Flicktheswitch · 31/05/2013 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenStromba · 31/05/2013 09:25

I would not be impressed at all.

Coconutty · 31/05/2013 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beachyhead · 31/05/2013 09:34

I think if my dh developed a crush, I would probably ridicule him. ie. 'Dolly is coming round in 10 minutes', then watch him run around like a loon, then sit him down and say, just look at yourself, get a grip.....

I'll also let her know that he had a silly childish crush on her and would she mind just keeping out of the way for a while. I might be cruel enough to tell her 'DH has told me he's got a silly childish crush on you, and he's asked me to let you know. Could you help us out with this because it's really pathetic and embarrassing!' Blush

NatashaBee · 31/05/2013 09:40

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