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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how do you do it?

294 replies

catgirl1976 · 08/05/2013 06:59

DS wakes at 5am - 5:30am every day.

Then I have to go to work all day, then come home, feed him, play with him, bath him, put him to bed, tidy the house, do laundry, finish off some work, eat, get ready for work, maintain some semblance of a beauty regmine (and mean finding time to wash my hair or shave my legs, nothing intricate) and try to have some quality time with DH.

DS is amazing. He's worth every 5am start, but I am so tired today and have a busy day ahead. I do get a lie in on Sundays but it feels so far away today!

How do you cope with it? Any top tips?

Coffee is my good friend, but I'm considering swapping sweeteners for speed.

OP posts:
NoWayPedro · 08/05/2013 07:05

I'll be back at work in a couple of months so I'm interested. Think we're going to need a rota of tasks 50/50.

Sounds tough either way though.

Limelight · 08/05/2013 07:07

Well. You sort of stop noticing. And eventually they don't wake up so early and if they do, you can tell them to go and watch cartoons.

That's probably not quite the answer you were looking for Confused

Mutley77 · 08/05/2013 07:09

I don't think there is any other answer - until your DS gets a bit older and will wake later / be more independent giving you some more downtime.....

I have a 4 and 8 year old and this was my life in their earlier years (except I didn't work F/T so tried to leave the laundry for days off, and I also roped in DH during the mornings to try and fit in a very very poor semblance of a beauty regime at that point as was too tired to do it in the evening!)..... I am now having DC3 and am not looking forward to the element of workload that comes with a little one - although I love my children very much and don't want to wish away the early days.

It sounds like your DH could possibly do a bit more - I try and instigate one of us doing the evening jobs while the other does bedtime (although tricky with more children as they each need individual time at bedtime). Does your DH cook the dinner? Is he available in the mornings to help for 45 mins so you can wash your hair?

Also your mornings are early, how old is your DS? We had a 5am riser and tbh it stayed that way until he was 3 and would obey the groclock but that is totally exhausting so I feel for you.

emsyj · 08/05/2013 07:09

When I first returned to work, DD1 woke at that time every day - so I just tried to do as much as I could (laundry, dishwasher loading, tidying kitchen etc) in the morning and felt exhausted the whole time (working 4 days not 5 though).

The only answer really is that they don't wake that early for ever in my experience. Hopefully he'll start waking later for you soon.

Also, could you get a cleaner?

Mutley77 · 08/05/2013 07:10

x post limelight Wine

Pootles2010 · 08/05/2013 07:10

Agree you get used to it. I don't do all of your listed jobs - nursery feed him, so I just give him crumpets or something before bed. Baths don't need to be every night- twice weekly is fine. And I have yeti legs Grin

Are you single mum btw? If not, why aren't you sharing the load?

InMySpareTime · 08/05/2013 07:11

Sorry, but I agree with Limelight.
Go to bed earlier, have a lunchtime nap, epilate your legs so it's longer between "shaves".
My DCs are 9 and 11, still get up at 6ish, but are now old enough to sort themselves out in the morning.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 08/05/2013 07:11

DH does cook and he gets up about 7:30 and looks after DS whilst I get ready for work. He takes me to work and then either takes DS to nursery or looks after him. Then picks me up.

I can just about fit in time to wash my hair some mornings, but not straighten it :)

I'm sure it wont be for long.........I'm just pooped this morning

OP posts:
GoblinGranny · 08/05/2013 07:13

Making sure my partner did an equal share.
Power naps.
Laundry at the weekends.
Basic level of housekeeping, no dusting of skirting boards and polishing.

BooCanary · 08/05/2013 07:13

Does your DH do half of what is needed.
Tbh if it was me, if DH was around I would be leaving DS upstairs with DH. Go and do any housework first thing,all done before work. Then I would spend evenings relaxing, long bath, bit of telly, early night.
Divide and rule re. The bedtime routine - one of you does dinner, one does DS bedtime/bath. Quick clear up after dinner and then hopefully feet up!

Fizzography · 08/05/2013 07:13

F

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 08/05/2013 07:14

DS is 17 months

I do have a cleaner who does 2 hours on a Tuesday.......but by Wednesday pm the place is wrecked as DH and DS are at home all day

(Apparently it is 'not possible' to care for a toddler and tidy up after yourself) Hmm

OP posts:
Tortoiseontheeggshell · 08/05/2013 07:15

You get up at 5am every day and your DH gets up at 7.30am? And DH works part time but you do the laundry and the cleaning?

What?

BooCanary · 08/05/2013 07:16

I wash hair the night before, quick straighten in the morning. Not a chance I could get it all done in morning as I leave the house at 7.30.

NoelHeadbands · 08/05/2013 07:16

I don't think there is a magic wand thing, I never found it anyway- you just have to ride it out for a while.

If its any consolation mine are 14, 12 and 5 and those broken nights/ early mornings are a long distant memory

Tortoiseontheeggshell · 08/05/2013 07:16

My DD2 is 17 months, and I absolutely can't care for her and tidy up on my two days at home - she is super whiny and clingy and hates me not being in physical contact with her. But she naps, so I clean the house then.

grobagsforever · 08/05/2013 07:17

Catgirl from what I remember of your posts your DH is unemployed? So he should be doing all.the housework and early starts! Why does he get up at 7.30 and you at 5.30? Come on, you know the answers here! Big hug to you. It sucks being tired.

ohforfoxsake · 08/05/2013 07:17

If you are up at 5 you can get the laundry done, house tidy (presumably its empty all day so should stay that way) and yourself sorted by 7. Get a slow-cooker meal on, eat earlier in the evenings, go to bed at 10.

You just have to flip your day and use the two hours at the start to do the stuff you have to do.

LindyHemming · 08/05/2013 07:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohforfoxsake · 08/05/2013 07:19

Oh crossed posts - I see they are at home all day.

Tell your DH to step up. WTF?

dogrosie · 08/05/2013 07:19

We are all up at 5.45, when DH leaves the house. It's easier now DCs are older (hence MNing while eating breakfast - multitasking!)

However, when they were little, I farmed out the ironing to a very kind relative who was at home (would have gone to a professional if she had not been around), ate a lot of soup (no prep, and if you have fancy bread in the freezer to eat with it, it feels a bit more luxurious, also eating this helps pay for sending the ironing out)

DH got in around 6.30pm so he did the putting to bed etc. for a bit of time with them, whilst I sorted out kitchen. We both had jobs that involved working in the evening, so that was our 'quality time', a glass of wine, share the kitchen table, put some nice music on and do the work. Also, go to bed early and together if possible.

It does get easier. I do have fleecy legs though.

Mutley77 · 08/05/2013 07:21

Yes agree with everyone else - your DH needs to take his turn with the mornings. Also he needs to tidy behind himself and do the laundry. I agree a cleaner doesn't solve all the housework issues (but it is definitely better than not having one!!)

dogrosie · 08/05/2013 07:21

Hang on - X post, he's at home all day? You need to drop your standards and he needs to up his so that you can both find a balance. Also, he can do the laundry and make dinner.

fairylightsinthespring · 08/05/2013 07:23

does your DH work once he's dropped you off? On the days he is looking after DS, can he run the hoover round, load the dishwasher etc? My DS, at 3.7 still sometimes gets up at 5-5.30 and it does knock you for six after a few days on the trot. he's rarely up after 6.30 anyway but just that extra 45 mins makes a big difference. I very, very quickly do my legs in the shower on the morning I take DD swimming and about once every two weeks get in the bath at 7pm when they've gone to bed while dinner is cooking (or being cooking by DH) and do them properly. With summer coming up, could you get a wax maybe? Hair wash every 2 days, plonk DS in front of Cbeebies and try to do it before DD is up (she wakes much later, 7-8). For food, can you make stuff at the weekend that can just be reheated? Nothing wrong with crumpets or toast for tea for your little one if its a couple of times a week. Mine have fishfingers etc on the days when there's not much time but their new CM gives them tea now and it is MUCH nicer to just have to do bath and PJs and milk when we get through the door at 6.30. Quality time with DH is about 2hrs per night, unless one of us has marking to do, but I will quite often be ironing in front of whatever TV we are watching (Sorry, I iron, apparently on MN you're not supposed to). Sometimes we do just surrender to it and go to bed at 9pm which curtails our evening but makes it bearable. It has got easier as they've got a little older and I am assuming that will continue. (she said, desperately clutching at straws!)

ninjasquirrel · 08/05/2013 07:23

You prioritise sleep. When DS was waking at 5 for about 9 months, one of us would do the first hour, then swap and go back to bed for an hour. And sod 'quality time' - early nights all the way. It sounds crazy to me that your DH is getting so much more sleep than you.

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