to ask how do you do it?

[catgirl1976]

DS wakes at 5am - 5:30am every day.

Then I have to go to work all day, then come home, feed him, play with him, bath him, put him to bed, tidy the house, do laundry, finish off some work, eat, get ready for work, maintain some semblance of a beauty regmine (and mean finding time to wash my hair or shave my legs, nothing intricate) and try to have some quality time with DH.

DS is amazing. He's worth every 5am start, but I am so tired today and have a busy day ahead. I do get a lie in on Sundays but it feels so far away today!

How do you cope with it? Any top tips?

Coffee is my good friend, but I'm considering swapping sweeteners for speed.

Sorry I still don't understand why u r eating so late and going bed so late there doesn't seem to be a reason for it other than habit that is not a healthy lifestyle for any of you.

Why can't dh if he is cooking anyway not have it ready for when you get home at least on the days where he isn't with DS??

does your h work?3day solo for h when baby in nursery,2day with baby?
is your h working or studying?whats he doing during day

he should be up at 5.30 every morning not you.

My dd is 17mo.and we have discovered that if she wakes at 5am, we can take her in a bottle of milk.and leave it with her and go back to bed drinking it usually sends her back to sleep. Could you try that one morning, nothing to lose! For us, it means she then wakes at 8am.

Also, does he work from home.on those three days your ds is at a nursery? If not, why the fuck are you paying nursery fees when there is a parent free all day to have him?

Catgirl - please please change this situation, before you are I'll from exhaustion and even more importantly so you don't set such a ghastly precedent for your children. From a v young age, children pick up on what the dynamic is in their household - do you want your DS to grow up believing women do ALL the housework and men can't manage to stick on a wash while entertaining a toddler? It takes FIVE FUCKING MINUTES. Sorry, I'm just so angry on your behalf.

Want to do something right now? Write down a list of three jobs per day that DH has to do (ie whites wash, change beds, cook a casserole). Just do it. Your house will be sorted in a week.

Both get up at 5.30 and tag team to do housework, have showers, get dc ready, and have breaky so by time to leave everything is done? Then it's just dinner and cursory tidy up in the evening?

Also all eat dinner together with dc- one meal prep and tidy plus it's better for your digestion.

Sorry saw your dh is home all day - is he working from home? What does he do?

It's really not about how you manage your time, or even about how other parents manage their time, it's about how your husband manages his time.

Not very bloody well by the sounds of it.

And why should he when mummy will come home and magically sort it all out anyway?

He's a lazy nob of the highest order, but you are letting him be one. Why on earth is he in bed til 730? Why sn't he doing all the housework??? He's got 3 days a week free to do it and the days he's got DS he's got a cleaner too? Stop being a mug. Tell him to pull his weight and if he won't then you are a FOOL to stay and run yourself ragged for someone whose online gaming is more important than you. even you think the games are more important as you enable him to treat you like this.
Quite frankly I am stunned that someone would live like this and see it as acceptable.

You say this is an improvement????? what the fuck was he like before???

There is no time managing for you to do here, your DH needs to step up to the fucking plate. What a tosser.

Echo what others are saying. We have a 2.5 year old who wakes at that time every morning and at least once during the night. It's exhausting. We both work FT and I honestly sometimes think it's all too hard. But we both get up when DSA gets up (5.30am). We then have coffee, put a load of washing on, unpack the dishwasher. I then go to the gym for a work-out while DH gives DS breakfast. He then goes to work if DM or DMIL arrive to look after DS. Two days, DS goes to daycare so DH waits for me to get home and I or he then take DS to daycare. I rush and get ready for work (30-40minutes max) and leave the house around 8.45am. If I am doing the day care drop off I don't get to work until around 9.15am. Home by 6pm at the latest. Usually DH is later, depending on how busy he is. More chores and playing with DS. Attempt to throw very simple dinner together. Bath DS, milk with stories and he is in bed by 7.45-8pm. We then have dinner and I head to bed at 9pm at the latest. We have very very little downtime. That is a downside of both working full-time. It's just something I have come to accept as a consequence of working full-time. Weekends are spent cooking for the week and trying to spend lots of time with DS.

My DH does 50% of chores and household and DS, absolutely. We are also lucky because we have my DM and DMIL who help around the house (ironing, washing etc). But neither of us really get any time to relax and it is hard. Particularly because I am 38 weeks pregnant. The only thing that keeps me going is I have a wonderful marriage and am married to a wonderful man and I know it will get easier when the children get older and I will have maintained a career I love. We are definitely not having more than 2 children though. I really want to get past the baby and toddler stage so I can get more sleep!

Your DH being a lazy cocklodger aside, I think Figgygal makes a good point... Your evening is round the wrong way.

Eat dinner much earlier - as soon as DS is asleep. Quick 15 min tidy up (both you and DH) afterwards.

Then do your hour's work.

Stop watching tv, or just watch one half hour episode of box set. Have a bath and go to bed by 10.30.

Save laundry for a weekend morning.

Use dry shampoo to get an extra day out of your hairstyle.

Not sure what getting ready for work each evening involves but can you spend 2 hours on a Sunday while your H has your DC getting it all ready for the whole week?

why are you eating so late? Whoever isn't doing DS's bedtime can get the dinner ready so you can eat as soon as he's down - it is very bad for you to eat that late, and completely unnecessary. Why are you watching films on a work night? Watch an hour of a box set or something, but a film is crazy. Go to bed 10 at the latest - that gives you a couple of hours after dinner to do things. You are up at 5, so you can get stuff done then - why do you need to get ready for work the night before when you have so much time to get ready in the morning? And how long does that take, anyway - putting out some clean clothes - 2 minutes.

Other than that, of course, the elephant in the room is you H (no D for him, I'm afraid). He is being unutterably lazy and disprespectful, and no amount of 'he's really good with DS' will change that - he is shite with wife, and you count too, you know. And right now, you are enabling him. Every post I've read of your shrieks of this, but you don't want to hear it, which is very sad. You are being ground down by this and the worst thing is - this is the example that is being shown to your DS. Have you thought about him growing up, seeing how his dad treats his mum and thinking that it's right? That's how a relationship between adults is?

I hope you can get this sorted - you can, if you really want to. Maybe go over to relationships, where you will get some fantatastic advice and support.

Bare minimum of housework, just enough to keep it decent. And get your dh to do his fair share, it's his home too.

As for beauty regime, I'd only bother shaving legs if you're wearing a skirt and/or sheer tights. Otherwise nobody can see them, so what's the point? Hair, cut it to a bob maybe? I did it and never looked back. Five minutes to wash, and if it's sunny don't bother blow drying.

We all eat together at 615 ish. If I ate after mine was in bed I would starve! Then neither of us sit down until ours has been settled (long job!) and basic housework has been done. We each get a lie in at the weekends. Ours doesn't usually wake that early but won't sleep till gone 9pm so we have some of the same issues. Just cooking at night would not count as an equal contribution to housework for us because we deliberately eat easy food in the evening - meat and two veg, pasta, hummus and pitta, a variety of mince based concoctions from the freezer,omelettes etc.

I remember your other threads Catgirl. I wondered how you were doing.

I took the piss as a SAHM for awhile. DH pulled me up on it. It wasn't fair, he was right.

You should start by telling DH he needs to get up with DS on the three days DS goes to nursery. If he's tired he can nap later.

Just read the rest of the thread, bloody hell. I know my dp can be lazy (although is better lately) but this really is ridiculous. Leave the damn housework. You and dc have clean clothes? You're both fed and washed? You have space to sit down and a plate too eat off, a mug for your tea? Then hang the rest, your H can do it. If he doesn't like it, tough. You are not superwoman, doing everything is only going to make you ill. I won't say LTB, sometimes these things can be worked out, but you need to put your foot down.

Ffs, this is crazy, you H is acting like a child, he needs to get up in the mornings, do the house work on the 3 days he has at home sat on his arse, and have dinner ready for when you come home, what in gods name does he actually do all day???

Oh, and also on the days he doesn't have your Ds he batch cooks so therefore only has to defrost/reheat some dinner, it's not rocket science it's good use of time and planning

I'm angry I'm your behalf :(

Your DH is massively taking the piss. From what I have gathered from this thread, he doesn't work, only does two days childcare and you do the bulk of everything else. What precisely is he bringing to this partnership? He must be amazing in the sack for you to put up with being treated with such a massive amount of disrespect. If it were me I'd stop doing anything for him and if things didn't improve inside 2 months he would be out on his ear as this behaviour would kill any love I had left for him.

To answer the question directly. You're the one working, your DH should be getting up at 530 with DC. You need sleep or you will not function properly in the work place and your family cannot afford to lose your salary. Get to bed earlier, eat earlier and lower your housework standards.

I have to agree with the general opinion on here that he simply is not pulling his weight and if your starting to feel this exhausted things really need to change. I personally wouldn't go in all guns blazing but its something I would suggest talking to your dh about when your calm and explain how difficult your finding things with the early starts and cleaning.

In our relationship I take on all the housework, most of the cooking and the majority of the childcare in our house because after years with my dh I realised he is who he is and he isn't going to change. Before having kids we've had so many rows over cleaning but I realised the mess bothers me far more than it will ever bother him. Having said that being SAHM and him being the bread winner means I take responsibly anyway. He works damn hard and so after much soul searching I've found a way to live with it without building up huge amount of resentment. Even with him working we share the early mornings, the night wakings, the childcare when he's not working and so on. Its still a two ways street and I make sure I'm not so exhausted I can't function.

You really need to ask yourself what you can live with and what is pushing you too far. I found my limit and our household is much calmer as a result. DOn't try and change everything at once but decide what your priorities are, I personally couldn't handle the early mornings everyday so that's what I would work on first.

Sorry OP, I'm afraid that you won't like what I'm going to say: -

How can you bear to live with someone who shows you no respect?

You say that you want to stay with him and the fact that he is good with your DS makes up for quite a lot - how would you feel in 20 years' time seeing your DS treat a partner in the way you are treated now? Is this really a good relationship model, do you think? Where one person does practically everything and is exhausted, struggling to keep going and the other is so obviously just selfishly taking the piss?

Sorry. for you.

More and more on mumsnet I am thankful for a DH who more than pulls his weight and am determined my sons will grow up to take responsibility in their relationships.
:(

Catgirl - I was a lone parent with DC1 and remember the early morning starts. I'd have everything done and in the park at 8am.

Even now with 4 DCs, DH often works 6-7 days a week, often away and away every weekend. He does not expect anything, but he gets his dinner on the table and has clean pants in his drawer. He doesn't ask me to do much and I don't ask much of him because we know what needs to be done and get on with it. When he does get home he sorts the kids, I clean up. Whenever we can we eat together. I stopped doing a different meal for us a long time ago. We dont have the perfect marriage by any means but we do get on with what needs to be done.

As you DC gets older you will have to factor homework, activities, clubs, pick ups, you won't get home before 9pm some night if he does cubs. Are you still going to be having the same problems then?

It is not difficult. It is hard work. If he needs a list, give him a list. Expect to be treated fairly and with respect.

Hobnob makes an excellent point. What are you teaching your DC in how relationships?