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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how do you do it?

294 replies

catgirl1976 · 08/05/2013 06:59

DS wakes at 5am - 5:30am every day.

Then I have to go to work all day, then come home, feed him, play with him, bath him, put him to bed, tidy the house, do laundry, finish off some work, eat, get ready for work, maintain some semblance of a beauty regmine (and mean finding time to wash my hair or shave my legs, nothing intricate) and try to have some quality time with DH.

DS is amazing. He's worth every 5am start, but I am so tired today and have a busy day ahead. I do get a lie in on Sundays but it feels so far away today!

How do you cope with it? Any top tips?

Coffee is my good friend, but I'm considering swapping sweeteners for speed.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 11/05/2013 14:42

Why don't you have a rota for which jobs he does on which days - same every week.

Tell him what time he needs to put dinner on the table for every week day.

ImperialBlether · 11/05/2013 14:56

Who does the dishes and tidies the kitchen when he cooks?

What time does he start to cook, if you're not eating until 9.30?

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 11/05/2013 15:06

That would be me

He starts cooking 9pm onwards normally

OP posts:
RandomMess · 11/05/2013 15:10

Tell him he needs to have tea ready for x time - whatever is reasonable for you - 7.30pm?

LadyBeagleEyes · 11/05/2013 15:14

Seems nothing's changed since the last time you wrote about this catgirl Sad
He is a lazy bastard.

ImperialBlether · 11/05/2013 15:18

What would he have to do to make you realise life would be better without him?

At the moment he does nothing except play on his games. You do all the housework, the laundry and you do all the childcare when you're in the house. He does absolutely nothing. Now you say you even clean up while he's cooking? Personally, I would rather cook than clean up. How about you?

Is there anything he could do that would make you prefer to live alone?

Oh, and does he acknowledge he does nothing? Do you ever say you're knackered and he says, "Yes, me too" with a sigh, as though he's been working hard all day?

How happy would you be for your son to grow up to be like him? What would you say to your DIL if so?

scottishmummy · 11/05/2013 15:19

Why isn't gp appt made yet?why have days passed,you're still in same situation

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/05/2013 15:27

Catgirl we had a very long-running thread in Sleep about our early wakers. Here is the assembled wisdom and tips of an exhausted group of people. It is an old thread now, 2012, so I hope most of those children are sleeping now, DD is. Smile

dreamingbohemian · 11/05/2013 15:44

well catgirl's been away, and the earliest he could call the GP I imagine is Monday. So no pitchforks yet! Smile I do hope he does call.

In the interim, I do think it would help to eat earlier... what time do you come home?

We eat all together around 6.30-7, with DS going to bed 8ish.
One of us does bedtime stuff while other does dishes.
This means we're both free from about 8 on, so there's lots of time to take care of things or relax and still get to bed early.

It's absolute madness to eat at 9.30 with a child getting up at 5. Why does he start cooking so late?

scottishmummy · 11/05/2013 15:46

this has been active since wed early morning.why hasnt a gp appt been booked
a lot of advice,no concrete action,no gp appt
nothing's particularly changed.appt could have been phoned wed,Thursday,fri?

ImperialBlether · 11/05/2013 15:48

Because he can't be bothered doing it earlier, dreamingbohemian. He's still living like he's a student.

LadyBeagleEyes · 11/05/2013 15:53

Why should he bother, he has no reason to.

dreamingbohemian · 11/05/2013 15:57

Well if that's the reason, that's ridiculous.

Get him to change that one thing at least right now, it will have a big knock-on effect.

scottish I'm not sure catgirl told him he had to make the appointment til she got back?

scottishmummy · 11/05/2013 16:02

no,read the thread they've had the see gp conversation already,prior to this thread
I suppose I'm wondering when the appt will get made,given 3working days has passed

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 11/05/2013 16:05

We did have the GP conversation, but with me being away and him looking after DS it wasn't something I expected him to do till next week

Plus he was reluctant, so him promising he will on Monday is a step forward

I realise he has to follow through on this book it and then actually go

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 11/05/2013 16:08

Ok see what happens Monday

But, don't think of it as a step forward until he actually does it

GoodtoBetter · 11/05/2013 16:31

Why is he reluctant?

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 11/05/2013 16:54

I think because they will tell him he has a drink problem and also he will have to face up to his depression and actually start dealing with thing Good

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 11/05/2013 17:00

well let gp assess the resent action,and me it from there
in all likelihood the gp will be supportive and solution focused
but he needs to make the appt or you both remain stuck

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 11/05/2013 18:16

What was said above about does he acknowledge your exhaustion at all - I wonder this too? I just can't imagine how this happens - do you say you're tired? Or say you're hungry? I would be keeling over if I didn't eat til 9.30! Does he delay cooking until then in the hope that you'll do it? I seriously don't know how you are managing day after day - I am exhausted just imagining your life and I have an early waking toddler of my own.

You mentioned the possibility of relationship counselling before; would that be an option?

ZangelbertBingeldac · 11/05/2013 18:19

Why are you still starting these threads?

No one is going to validate your choice to put up with this sponger.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 11/05/2013 18:26

He says 'me too' if i say i am exhausted

today he asked me 'who is getting up with ds tomorrow?'

i said 'you - sunday is my one lie in day' Hmm

he said 'well i got up with him on thursday (ds woke super early, i got up with him but dh couldn't get back to sleep and came down after about 30mins, played pc games till half six when i had to get ready to go to london) and i got up with him friday'

this has really annoyed me as i will be getting up with ds m,t,w,t,f,s. dh will have relaxing child free days m, t and thurs. i will be at work all week. i was up m.t.w.t with ds this week and f up to go to all day course, then travel back from london

and yet he feels hard done too because i wont give up my lie in day tomorrow just because he had to get up on fri when i was away

he is acting like the injured party

relationship counselling is something i really want to do - am hoping it will give him some perspective

although i appreciate the whole of mn is hoping it will give me some

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 11/05/2013 18:30

cat,you're truly stuck.locked into your do it all role and he unwilling go gp
frankly I see v little point in these tortured guess what he said/did next
it's unlikely to elicit a lot of sympathy as you're as stuck and enabling this

scottishmummy · 11/05/2013 18:36

look cat what are you seeking here?your rightly aggrieved but do nothing about it
you get immediately defensive when it suggested dh behaviour is lacking
but you seem to want a poor you sounding board. no one on mn can fix this

what are you both going to do

HazleNutt · 11/05/2013 18:36

i will be getting up with ds m,t,w,t,f,s. dh will have relaxing child free days m, t and thurs. i will be at work all week. i was up m.t.w.t with ds this week
and yet he feels hard done too because i wont give up my lie in day tomorrow just because he had to get up on fri when i was away

And what did he reply when you pointed this out? How could he justify that what he asked is in any way fair?