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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off PIL looked after baby while I was at work and left me with upset, screaming child

214 replies

Mamacj · 27/04/2013 22:16

At work this mornin so was dh but he was with dc most of time. Apparently he thought pil did fab jobplayin with dc and really stimulating him. I came home to a screaming tired underfed baby who needed a full outfit change. This was one of the first times they had dc and I had left instructions which they did seem to attempt to follow. Dh can't seem to understand why I think they are useless AIBU???

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 27/04/2013 23:09

I am thinking that he may not be useless.. just not actually allowed to do anything without his wifes permission, or he faces her wrath for fucking it up... Confused

Clearly this extends to his family too.. but not her own.

freddiemisagreatshag · 27/04/2013 23:10

Send him to me for a fortnight. I'd soon train him. Grin

Flojobunny · 27/04/2013 23:10

arse would be on the sunny side of the latch I love it, I am going to use that from now on!

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 27/04/2013 23:11

Is your DH Gordon Ramsay OP? Because he's the only man I can think of in the last 20 years who refused to do nappies. And the reason that I know it about him is because it gets mentioned in articles because it's really fucking unusual in a resident father.

If you are married to Gordon Ramsay then LTB cos he's a hideous unfaithful shouty POS. If not, then just get a grip.

freddiemisagreatshag · 27/04/2013 23:11

Actually, on a technicality, it would be the "freezing and pishing down" side of the latch Grin

alwayslateforwork · 27/04/2013 23:13

Oh Gordon. Mmm, I dunno. He's my secret crush, really. Not exactly father material, but he tries hard with the candid shots of kids n pigs running about on the lawn....

If he's Gordon Ramsey, I volunteer to train him.

ssd · 27/04/2013 23:13

why is the dh getting an arse kicking? he's probably tried but gets told off by the op as only she and her mum are good enough

stop all the man hating shite and read the thread people

Flojobunny · 27/04/2013 23:13

Gordon Ramsay is unfaithful? Shock you mean he managed to find someone else willing to shagging him? Who would be that stupid? ....it was you OP wasn't it? You are the mistress.

Flojobunny · 27/04/2013 23:14

Ha Freddie I was thinking much the same, still love it tho!

balia · 27/04/2013 23:14

The thing is, one of my friends said things like this about her DH, and I thought he was a total dick...until I was actually there with both of them, and watched my mate utterly undermine him, non-stop criticism, snatching the baby back and redoing whatever he had tried to do. she was so controlling it was scary - but she was desparate to do things right (abusive childhood) and I think she thought if he gained in confidence and learned how to settle the baby/change nappies/feed, he would see she was rubbish (she wasn't, just her perception).

So things aren't always straightforward.

How do you feel about going back to work when your baby was 4 months old, OP?

freddiemisagreatshag · 27/04/2013 23:15

True SSD.

Oh and Gordon fucking Ramsay. You can keep him. I'm having James Martin, OKAY?

Fluffymonster · 27/04/2013 23:15

Tbh I can sort of relate to the OP - but I think it's more to do with family dynamics, and not being quite as comfortable giving instructions and saying exactly what you want - as they're not your own parents.

It used to drive me nuts after PILs had been babysitting to find baby still awake, being bounced on knees at 10pm, the moses basket in the middle of the lounge instead of staying upstairs as requested (because we were trying to sleep train). Oh and the stinking nappies that were mysteriously full to overflowing even though "Oh, I did change her...[but I thought I'd leave that one for when you got back]" Other times Dd1 being dressed in layers of woolly clothes when everyone else was in t-shirts and shorts, stuffed with sugary biscuits at every opportunity...Hmm

After a while it just became obvious that some of it was down to my insecurities as a first time parent (is baby your first?) - desperate to 'prove' I was doing a great job, and seeing every difference in approach as an affront to my ability to parent. They were doting grandparents who had been through it twice (albeit decades ago) and much more relaxed about various details. Took it all less seriously - but it felt like they were taking me less seriously, as a mother. Also it bugged me that every time they babysat, it was like the first time - i.e. I had to explain everything again, like they'd never done it before - but actually it was just that babies do change even in the space of a few weeks, so things you take for granted, they really aren't that familiar with.

But...that was with the first baby, by the time our second came along - I was so much more relaxed - and grateful! Dispensed with neurotic, control-freakery instructions and took the attitude of 'when you're in charge, you do it your way' and it was much better all round.

Neither dcs have been harmed - they love their grands.

So YANBU for being a bit pissed off, but YABU to expect them to do everything the same way, and make the same choices you would.

YABVU to think men don't change nappies - what decade are you in lol. Err...no! That is not the norm.

Flojobunny · 27/04/2013 23:17

James Martin oh I bet he changes nappies .... (in my mind, in his apron and nothing else)

alwayslateforwork · 27/04/2013 23:17
sweetestcup · 27/04/2013 23:18

He probably has tried to change a nappy in the early days and you made him feel such a useless twat he hasnt again.

Flojobunny · 27/04/2013 23:19

Just to see what exactly

olgaga · 27/04/2013 23:20

YANBU OP.

If people ignore the kind of routine your baby is used to, then you need to make the kind of childcare arrangements which will.

I never could understand this "tiring babies/toddlers out" philosophy. I guess it must work for some children but it certainly never worked for my DD. It would be painful to watch, and to deal with the aftermath.

Some children need routine and the kind of "stimulation" they get from some people is entirely counter-productive.

However, I don't rate your chances of persuading your DH - he sounds like a bit of a knob.

Hopefully he'll learn - the PIL won't always be there to help him out.

freddiemisagreatshag · 27/04/2013 23:21

I have SEARCHED and SEARCHED for the red nose day clip where James Martin was about 18 and stripped to the buff.

Can anyone please find it for me?

Flojobunny · 27/04/2013 23:22

Oh yes please, let have a nice distracting link of James Martin. Don't think OP is coming back...

Sheshelob · 27/04/2013 23:22

I kind of see the Gordon Ramsey thing, but the compulsive yessing would shut my ladyland down like a security shutter.

morethanpotatoprints · 27/04/2013 23:27

OP is not a troll.

There is an AIBU to not want her 8 month old looked after overnight by her pils.

OP, perhaps if you feel your ds will need to be looked after during the night you could call your overnight nanny. Rather than upset your beauty sleep.

Flojobunny · 27/04/2013 23:27

I bet his pillow talk is very slutty tho.

freddiemisagreatshag · 27/04/2013 23:27

Right. I have discovered it was in 1998 that James got his kit off.

I have not yet discovered any footage hope the kids never look at the search history on this laptop

alwayslateforwork · 27/04/2013 23:28

James Martin? James Martin? Yes, he'd change nappies. Am strangely weirded out by the idea of him nekkid in a pinny, though. Confused

I may have to google, just to remind meself.

breatheslowly · 27/04/2013 23:31

Do you not know any other families?

I don't understand how your baby can have reached a year and you haven't ever noticed another father changing a nappy.