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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sorry for Amanda Holden re her article about Mumsnet

484 replies

GrowSomeCress · 06/04/2013 22:36

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2305111/Why-I-hate-negative-judgmental-Mumsnet--Amanda-Holden-Britains-Got-Talent-star-accuses-site-fuelling-mothers-guilt.html

Seems to be newly posted.

I think sometimes it's forgotten that famous people are actually real people with genuine feelings.

Don't agree with her about mumsnet just being negative and judgemental all the time though, really excellent support available on here.

OP posts:
Stepissue · 14/04/2013 21:42

MrsDeVere - I think that is a really important point, there are loads of different ways of working that people choose for all sorts of reasons. There shouldn't be any judging really as no one knows why someone is doing what they are doing.

In my job I had to go back 4 days a week. It was that or nothing. 4 days a week pays for school fees and the mortgage etc but it's not as simple as some who say 'cut back'/ 'don't pay school fees/don't have expensive holidays' and then you could be a SAHM - without my money we couldn't afford the mortgage or bills let alone the extras.

I'm not sure I've explained that properly but say I earnt £70k, if we 'cut back' I'd 'only' need to earn say £20k for bills/mortgage, but in my career you can't do less hours so I'd have to resign completely to be a SAHM, therefore earning £0 which means we'd lose our house.

In short - everyone does what they think is best and for their own reasons and I hope it works out for them Smile

Xenia · 14/04/2013 22:03

And the suggestion women who return early damage the psychological of their children is utterly wrong. It can indeed be best for many families and girls ought to realise it is a very viable option which can work extremely well for many of us.

scottishmummy · 14/04/2013 22:11

There's no robust evidence that working harm children.at all
plethora of research and inadequate comment that doesnt stand up to scrutiny

Stepissue · 14/04/2013 22:13

Yes, I think that is true - it is another viable option among the others out there. One that shouldn't be immediately discounted through fear of what others might think (ie the alleged 'backlash' against AH on MN)

Squarepebbles · 14/04/2013 22:25

Why Xenia,why can't it be questioned just in case?

Why should the needs of children be completely disregarded?

exoticfruits · 14/04/2013 22:25

Of course they should realise it is a viable option- has anyone said they shouldn't? Confused I would think that any DC these days knows mothers who work full time, those who don't work, those who work part time, those who work from home, fathers who stay at home - in fact all variations. The best example is that there isn't one way and there isn't a 'best way'. Only the best for the individual.

Squarepebbles · 14/04/2013 22:26

Also there is working and working.In the same way there is childcare and childcare.

exoticfruits · 14/04/2013 22:27

You do have to bear in mind that many DDs look at their mothers and take them as an example of what not to do themselves- whatever the mother does.

Bessie123 · 14/04/2013 23:05

exoticfruits you are so right Grin

stepawayfromthescreen · 14/04/2013 23:15

my decision to be a sahm came from being the daughter of a very busy wohm and the fact we spent so much time apart.
I felt as though I hardly saw her.
We still have a very strained relationship.
I will not ever never repeat the cycle.

scottishmummy · 14/04/2013 23:25

Your decision to be housewife is is also presumably facilitated by waged dp
Personal experience does choices,of course,as does economics of manage on 1wage
My parents both worked ft, hard working,good work ethos,provided for us

Bessie123 · 14/04/2013 23:26

scottishmummy she didn't say she was a housewife, she said she was a sahm

scottishmummy · 14/04/2013 23:30

Housewife is personal choice,dependent upon adequate finance and waged dp

Bessie123 · 14/04/2013 23:38

Nobody on this thread is a housewife, sorry, think you have stumbled upon the wrong discussion.

Sahm is a job, you are spending your days with your dcs instead of farming them out elsewhere. A housewife runs a house.

Arisbottle · 14/04/2013 23:43

I have been a SAHM for about 6-7 years in total , I loved it but never saw it as a job and did see myself as a house wife.

Arisbottle · 14/04/2013 23:44

As a working mother I do not farm my children our, why the need for such negative language ?

scottishmummy · 14/04/2013 23:45

I Happily pay to farm my kids out to someone else no qualms whatsoever

Bessie123 · 14/04/2013 23:53

Why such negative language?

Housewife was used as a derogatory term to denigrate women who chose to stay at home to care for their children. It does not see being a sahm as a worthwhile way to spend time; it is not worth as much as being a working mother.

Look to the mote in your own eye

Arisbottle · 14/04/2013 23:54

I described myself as a housewife so I was hardly using it as a negative term and have never heard anyone else do so either . I loved spending time looking after my children , husband and home .

Arisbottle · 14/04/2013 23:56

I saw being a SAHM as one of the most valuable things I have done, in fact I loved it so much that I left my previous very high paid career to go into teaching so I could have extended periods of time being a housewife .

You seem to be projecting .

Bessie123 · 14/04/2013 23:57

Look at the way scottishmummy used it.

Arisbottle · 15/04/2013 00:00

Sorry I meant to say on real life, as I said on the other thread MN is far from real life .

As a SAHM I never felt the need to denigrate the choices of others , I never told other mothers that they were not making their children a priority, that their children were getting second best or to accuse then of farming their children out.

As a working mother I look back very fondly at my housewife period , it all feels like something of a fantasy now, one I wish could have been a little longer to be honest .

scottishmummy · 15/04/2013 00:00

Housewife isn't derogatory term.on mn many have said they're housewife no dispute term
Love the biblical reference to hypocrites and try link that to farm out kids
I cant wait i see what you do with eyes and avarice as moral warning

Bessie123 · 15/04/2013 00:01

I'm not projecting at all. I find it irritating when women like Xenia etc come on to talk about how much more interesting and worthwhile they are and much better role models because they work all the time. Some of us have a few post grad degrees and did earn £100k a year but think it is important to look after our children as much as possible. We didn't give up or stall careers because we couldn't be arsed to work and personally, I have see a real difference in my dd since I stopped working; she really appreciates having more time with me and is thrilled that I can pick her up from school at 3.15 every day. I don't spend my life making beds and planning menus, I spend time with my children and try my best to bring them up as happy, confident, kind people

Bessie123 · 15/04/2013 00:02

scottishmummy your post made no sense to me, can you try again?

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