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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP's ex has no right to phone at 5.30 am?

144 replies

MsColour · 06/04/2013 22:01

My partner (we don't yet live together but we are planning on moving in together in the summer) was staying over the other day. His ex-wife phoned him at 5.30 in the morning to say that she had a leaking pipe and didn't know where the stopcock is. The leak was in their son's room.

My dp had no idea where the stopcock was as it is 3 years since he lived in the house. He told her he didn't appreciate being phoned at that time in the morning as it was no an emergency. She wasn't alone, she had her boyfriend with her. She then phoned back later to argue that it was an emergency and she had every right to phone.

I was furious as she could have disturbed my sleeping children plus dp has been unwell and really needs the sleep himself. Plus, I don't like her feeling he can be at her beck and call every time she has a problem.

OP posts:
LayMizzRarb · 06/04/2013 22:03

Err, a leaking water pipe is a emergency.....

Original poster
MsColour · 06/04/2013 22:04

Her emergency - not his problem.

OP posts:
Shakey1500 · 06/04/2013 22:05

It was an emergency and she rang to see if he knew where the stopcock was, not (I assume?) that he go round there immediately etc. Not unreasonable I don't think.

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2013 22:05

To be fair if I was up at 5.30am with a leaking pipe and water doing possible damage by the minute, I'd phone him too.

I'd feel bad about it, but I'd still do it if I thought he knew where the stopcock was.

If the phone is likely to wake the kids, he should probably have it on silent or vibrate.

I'd be pissed off in your shoes too, but as I said I would still have rung and felt bad about it.

Rainbowinthesky · 06/04/2013 22:05

A leaking water pipe in his son's room probably ruining his stuff and disturbing his son's sleep and she thought he might know where the stop cock is as he used to live in the house. Your dp sounds a right catch - lucky you.

NotSpartacus · 06/04/2013 22:05

Your boyfriend is the father of the little boy whose room was flooding?

He should have been happy to help his son, surely?

VerySmallSqueak · 06/04/2013 22:06

I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill here OP.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 06/04/2013 22:06

It might not be his problem but was she calling him because he was her ex-husband or because he was someone who had also lived in the house and might know where the stopcock was?

Depending on the leak it might well have been an emergency for her.

DontSHOUTTTTTT · 06/04/2013 22:07

Sorry but it's another YABU.

It was an emergency and it was not at all unreasonable to think your DP would know where the stopcock was.

chris481 · 06/04/2013 22:07

I think it is an emergency and it was perfectly reasonable of her to ask.

BlackeyedSusan · 06/04/2013 22:08

it was his son who was being affected, it was his problem.

BruthasTortoise · 06/04/2013 22:09

Ok I'm no great fan of people being dependent on their former partners for support in every minor crisis they may encounter. However, finding the stopcock to stop a leak destroying a child's room does, in my book, fall under the category of emergency. Phoning someone who used to live in the house early in the morning to see if they know where the stopcock is located is reasonable. Had she demanded your partner come round or that he organised an emergency plumber she would've been unreasonable.

Wallison · 06/04/2013 22:10

A leaking pipe is an emergency. If it's leaking into his son's room, he should be concerned. If he's likely to know where the stopcock is - and he is likely to know that, having lived in the house - then it's reasonable to ask him if he does.

He sounds like a keeper. Hmm

pooka · 06/04/2013 22:10

YABU

I would class it as an emergency if there was a leak in my dc's bedroom - and if I didn't know where the stopcock was, I'd ring someone who might (who seems to have lived int he house before).

HollyBerryBush · 06/04/2013 22:10

Did your boyfriend used to live in that particular house? And he would have been a cheaper option to call first in an emergency rather than an out of hours plumber, on the assumption he might have known where the stop cock was/is.

But hey! it was only his son getting drenched and having his room ruined - so long as you and your children got their warm, dry, beauty sleep that's fine

Losingexcessweight · 06/04/2013 22:10

Stopcocks are usually under the kitchen sink or in the garage if the property has one. Its not rocket science.

Let it teach your dp a lesson to always put his phone on silent before bed.

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2013 22:11

It's not just the room either, if the bedroom's upstairs that means the water is likely to leak into the electrics.

Mind you, not knowing where her own stopcock is was a schoolgirl error, but I'm sure she's learnt from it.

willyoulistentome · 06/04/2013 22:13

YABU. That's his son's room flooding. She has every right to call.

BadabingBadabong · 06/04/2013 22:13

He can't remember things over 3 years ago?

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2013 22:13

My stopcock is behind the cupboard on the opposite side to the sink...because the kitchen had been refitted before I bought the house and the sink was moved.

So they're not always in obvious or even visible places (mine was hidden by the back of the cupboard).

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 06/04/2013 22:13

Why wasn't it his problem? His son's bedroom had a big leak and he used to live in the house and the mother of his child hoped that he might be able to remember where the stopcock was in the house he used to live in. OK, you could argue that she ought to know too, but clearly she didn't but thought he might. While the child they share had water running into his room!

I bet while she was doing this, her boyfriend was turning the place upside down looking for it.

I don't think she was being unreasonable. It was an emergency. And this idea that it wasn't his problem is really cold. It's his child's room. Why is that not his problem?

CheCazzo · 06/04/2013 22:13

I think your 'furious' was a bit of an overreaction don't you? Even if your poor sleeping kids had been woken up - well - you know - it's hardly 2am is it? Nobody would have died.
Incidentally OP - were the boot on the other foot and it was you that needed help - what time would you phone? Would you leave it a couple of hours and let the pipe leak on?

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 06/04/2013 22:14

YABU, i would expect dh's ex to call if there was ever any sort of emergency involving their children.

His son, his problem too.

CloudsAndTrees · 06/04/2013 22:15

YABU, and really quite mean.

She want phoning for a chat or to deliberately piss you off, she was phoning because she was desperate to stop water leaking all the way through her house and hoped that someone else who had once lived in the house might be able to tell her how to do that!

You being furious says a lot more negative things about you than someone phoning for help in an emergency ever will.

AllOverIt · 06/04/2013 22:15

Sorry YABU

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