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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP's ex has no right to phone at 5.30 am?

144 replies

MsColour · 06/04/2013 22:01

My partner (we don't yet live together but we are planning on moving in together in the summer) was staying over the other day. His ex-wife phoned him at 5.30 in the morning to say that she had a leaking pipe and didn't know where the stopcock is. The leak was in their son's room.

My dp had no idea where the stopcock was as it is 3 years since he lived in the house. He told her he didn't appreciate being phoned at that time in the morning as it was no an emergency. She wasn't alone, she had her boyfriend with her. She then phoned back later to argue that it was an emergency and she had every right to phone.

I was furious as she could have disturbed my sleeping children plus dp has been unwell and really needs the sleep himself. Plus, I don't like her feeling he can be at her beck and call every time she has a problem.

OP posts:
pigletpower · 06/04/2013 22:50

I have lived in my house 10 yrs and do not know where the stopcock is,but I do know the main water lock is under the pavement outside our house.So if I had a water emergency I would use that.Would I be reasonable to phone the people we bought our house off at 5.30am if we needed to know where the fucking stopcock was? No,we would look like complete dicks.

PenelopePortrait · 06/04/2013 22:50

Fortheloveofsocks It's the fact that she is the X and in mn land she takes presidence over any subsequent partner. She is a saint who can do no wrong because She Only Has Best Interests Of Child in mind. He is a Bastard.

allnewtaketwo · 06/04/2013 22:52

So true Penelope, so true

EmmaDale · 06/04/2013 22:53

I honestly think that you need to get over yourself.

quoteunquote · 06/04/2013 22:53

I'm sure she loved having to phone, having to admit to her ex she need help, in a desperation, water does a lot of damage quickly, must of been a really horrible situation, lots of running around panicking, with a child there, a child you should really care a lot about, the child that is the part of the package you are marring into.

we get this a lot as part of our business we maintain properties, people get very frantic when water is appearing rapidly , even ones who know where their stopcocks are, forget in the chaos of the situation, then try to turn it the wrong way (GO TO YOUR STOP COCK DRAW AN ARROW WITH 'OFF' WRITTEN NEXT TO IT, you will thank me one day,I promise), or the stop cock will not turn, all cause totally capable people to have a helpless melt down.

sit down have a think how you would feel if the situation was reversed,

You at 5.15am water pouring everywhere, worrying about electric, frightened child,reduced to phoning ex,

and now fucking shitting yourself as you realise that your child's soon to be stepmother is insecure, selfish and resents her soon to be step son, what a nightmare.

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2013 22:54

No-one's mentioned 'danger' have they? Confused

She had a leak, she needed it stopped, stupidly she didn't know where the stopcock was and stupidly he didn't either - despite having only moved out 3 years ago.

She's not psychic and wouldn't know he'd decided to sleep over at his girlfriend's house and forget to put his phone on silent, would she?

EchoBitch · 06/04/2013 22:56

Maybe she should have known where the stop cock is,but she didn't.

Makes sense to ask someone who might,ie her ex.

If neither of them knew then she'd need to call out a plumber i would imagine.

So she had to ring at 5.30,so what,she didn't know where he was.

Original poster
MsColour · 06/04/2013 22:56

It's amazing how quick people are to judge. I do realise that they do have a son together and that he comes first. I would never dream of getting in the way of that. I will accept that when it is his son's birthday, the 3 of them will go out. I accept that my dp will buy mother's day presents with his son for her and that they will need to have genuine conversations about him.

But when it is continual texts and phone calls, regularly starting at 5 in the morning (his son is a very early riser). When she expects him to give her lifts to work because her car has broken down (which has nothing to do with their son), her family tell his son about us moving in together before we have discussed it with any of the children, she controls dp's contact according to her social life.

So perhaps in isolation I might have been unreasonable to be irate about her phoning. But my reaction isn't really about one incident.

OP posts:
VerySmallSqueak · 06/04/2013 22:57

So his ex isn't perfect and she doesn't know where the stopcock is.

If you and your partner ,OP, cannot accept that help might be needed over something as easy for you to deal with as this,I don't know how you're going to cope with the challenges that could possibly arise over the coming years.

It might involve a lot more than a simple question being asked over the phone!

usualsuspect · 06/04/2013 22:58

Drip, drip drip.

And thats not the leak I'm talking about.

Booyhoo · 06/04/2013 22:59

"Surely if their DS was in danger then his DM should remove him from the situation, therefore he is no longer in harms way. Then she should turn the water off."

at 5.30am where would she have removed him to?

and how can she turn the water off if she doesn't know where the stopcock is?

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2013 23:00

Oh fuck me...call a plumber

The Dam has busted!

Booyhoo · 06/04/2013 23:00

also, if it had been dangerous then calling the childs father to come and get him would have been eevn more the right thing to do.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 06/04/2013 23:01

Op people will comment on a situation with the information they are given.

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2013 23:02

"AIBU?"

"Yes - very"

"Right well here's a whole load of info I forgot to mention"

< Sigh >

McBalls · 06/04/2013 23:02

He told her he didn't appreciate being called at that time??
He sounds quite the catch, that partner of yours!

Ds's dad wouldn't mind one bit being contacted at any time about anything to do with his son, neither would I.

What utterly bizarre notions some people have about parenthood.

And I know that if either of us met someone who turned out to be a whingey, selfish weirdo who'd get the arse over the sort of situation you described...they'd be gone sharpish.

SummersComing1111 · 06/04/2013 23:03

YABVU she asked a simple question for her sons needs, she didnt ask him to run round and fix it or to save the day.

Ur DP should of been more concerned of his sons welfare rather than his lie in.

Aww and its sooo wrong that ur DC may have woke but fine for his to be soaked??

This relationship is gonna go far... Awaiting " hate DSS " " crazy EX wife " thread

Off to find my stopcock [ hangs head in shame ]

AmberLeaf · 06/04/2013 23:03

If she had rung when he wasn't having a 'sleepover' at your house you would be none the wiser would you?

Its 3 years since their split, if she feels able to ring him at 5:30am then Im guessing she has done it before and that your boyfriend had no problem with it.

He has children [as do you] and you must realise that because he is a parent he will always be 'on call' 24 hrs a day. That is a part of [good] parenting.

Forget the EX, this was to do with his son.

Repeat forget the EX it is not about her it is about his son.

If you can't seperate the EX from the child, then I predict stormy waters for you ahead.

EchoBitch · 06/04/2013 23:03

Well of course people judge,they judge on what you tell them.

If you come on with an isolated incident what do you expect,this was a genuine emergency whether you think so or not.

And if he cba to speak to her about an emergency then maybe you should think about whether it is a good idea to move in with him.

Booyhoo · 06/04/2013 23:03

oh FFS!

well if your reaction is about more than that one incident then put the 'more' in teh bloody OP then we can comment based on all the facts. if you're going to withhold info that is relevant you cant expect to get a true answer as people dont have teh full story.

pictish · 06/04/2013 23:05

Snippy snippy!

Look OP, the opinions here were based on what info you provided. We cannot know the history by plucking it out of the ether.

McBalls · 06/04/2013 23:05

So of all those other incidents have happened...why do an Aibu about this one? When she isn't even being unreasonable this time?

AmberLeaf · 06/04/2013 23:06

Oh missed the drip feed, I was right then, there are other 'issues'

But as I said before, this is happening because your boyfriend has gone along with it all along.

Tread carefully.

Booyhoo · 06/04/2013 23:06

OP if you had a leak in your house and you thought your DP knew where the stop cock was would you hold off on ringing him til after 9am or would you ring him straight away to get the water switched off?

SummersComing1111 · 06/04/2013 23:11

Also if u see her as the EX and thats why shes calling ur relationship will never work, you need to see her as the mother of his child and she needs to call from time to time