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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP's ex has no right to phone at 5.30 am?

144 replies

MsColour · 06/04/2013 22:01

My partner (we don't yet live together but we are planning on moving in together in the summer) was staying over the other day. His ex-wife phoned him at 5.30 in the morning to say that she had a leaking pipe and didn't know where the stopcock is. The leak was in their son's room.

My dp had no idea where the stopcock was as it is 3 years since he lived in the house. He told her he didn't appreciate being phoned at that time in the morning as it was no an emergency. She wasn't alone, she had her boyfriend with her. She then phoned back later to argue that it was an emergency and she had every right to phone.

I was furious as she could have disturbed my sleeping children plus dp has been unwell and really needs the sleep himself. Plus, I don't like her feeling he can be at her beck and call every time she has a problem.

OP posts:
TheChaoGoesMu · 06/04/2013 23:11

Getting to work is about their son though. So that she can earn money to put towards their sons upkeep.

allnewtaketwo · 06/04/2013 23:13

Kerching, I just knew someone would say that.

VelvetSpoon · 06/04/2013 23:19

YABU.

I would not piss on my Ex if he was on fire (or vice versa) but I'd phone him to ask where the stop cock is. Not to sort it out, not to come over and turn it off, but if I didn't know in the first place, or couldn't remember where it was, to ask if he knew.

The stopcock in my house is not in the usual place, I could call whoever else I liked but they wouldn't find it by guesswork, well not for a few hours anyway...

Original poster
MsColour · 06/04/2013 23:22

I will remember to include my full life story if I post again.

And I will inform my ex that it's his responsibility to get me to work next time my car breaks down.

OP posts:
HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 06/04/2013 23:24

Surely you can see if you want an opinion on a situation you have to give the facts of the situation - not one isolated incident.

FWIW i think a line has to be drawn somewhere, if her car breaks down and their son is not involved in anyway (being dropped off/collected/taken somewhere) then that's her problem.

Booyhoo · 06/04/2013 23:24

you really seem open to opinions OP. i can see why you posted Wink

EchoBitch · 06/04/2013 23:25

You can't reason with the unreasonable.

You asked,you got replies.

Meh,your sleepover.

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2013 23:25

Just basic info will do rather than your life history...

You asked a simple question "AIBU to think DP's ex has no right to phone at 5.30 am?"

He doesn't have a partner that he lives with, they have a child together, she was obviously in a panic.

So yes to answer your original question you are BVVU.

ProphetOfDoom · 06/04/2013 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EchoBitch · 06/04/2013 23:28

HaHaHa at drip feeding Grin

Shakey1500 · 06/04/2013 23:30

"But my reaction isn't based on one incident"

Well my response was based on the one incident you mentioned. Because that's what you asked :)

pinkyredrose · 06/04/2013 23:31

YANBU The room wasn't flooding no-one was in danger. Sounds like she was using it as an excuse to pester her ex. Doesn't she have any family or friends she could've called? Would've pissed me off too.

geologygirl · 06/04/2013 23:33

"It's amazing how quick people judge"

The words "pot" and "kettle" spring to mind OP.

Im sure we've all been there at some point, in an emergency situation. People panic and it was im sure very stressful to have to deal with a leak in your child's room first thing in the morning. Phoning your boyfriend was probably going to be the fastest way for her to get help. YABVU.

EchoBitch · 06/04/2013 23:33

Oh Lord.

HOW DID SHE KNOW THE ROOM WAS'NT FLOODING?

Water does awful damage,she only asked if he knew where his cock was so she could stop it.

HildaOgden · 06/04/2013 23:34

You sound quite snippy,Op.This happened a few days ago,and despite asking 'Am I Being Unreasonable'....you don't seem to see any validity in the majority of people saying 'yes,you are,actually'.

That,in itself,makes you unreasonable.

If it bothers your boyfriend,then he should have a full agreement with the mother of his child as to what is acceptable contact.If it doesn't bother him,then you need to accept it.

You seem to have 'second wife syndrome'.Without actually being his wife.Which I still think is what really grates you....you believe you should take priority above all that went before.

You really should consider whether you are able to be with a man who has an ex wife,and a child with her.Honestly.Because there are plenty more times that she will crop up over the next 15 years.

EchoBitch · 06/04/2013 23:35

Ooops,sorry,the cock. Grin

Booyhoo · 06/04/2013 23:35

pinky do your friends and family know where the stop cock is in your house?

pictish · 06/04/2013 23:36

Even adding "She does have form for phoning very early for spurious reasons" would have done.

We don't want your life history Mrs Chippy, just the need to know stuff. Like whether or not it's an isolated incident.

Sheesh!

Flojobunny · 06/04/2013 23:37

YABU

Flojobunny · 06/04/2013 23:46

Even the drip fed bit seems U.
'His son is an early riser' so your DP is fast asleep in a nice warm bed while his ex is up and sorting out their son and you begrudge a phone call in an emergency?
And because she has a social life and arranges contact around that, you have a problem? Most people arrange contact to fit in around jobs, after school activities etc. But arrange it around a mothers social life and that's dreadful Hmm
This must be a joke surely?

Original poster
MsColour · 06/04/2013 23:47

I have listened to people's opinions about her phoning about the stopcock and taken them on board and accept as an isolated incident I was complaining about I would be unreasonable. (and tbh I have re-read my original post and realised I didn't come across very well!)

I just think a line has to be drawn somewhere and there are times where she has crossed it.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsColour · 06/04/2013 23:51

My DP has his son half the time and reguarly deals with him at 5.30 in the morning. He needs his sleep when he can get it as he is unwell.

OP posts:
HildaOgden · 06/04/2013 23:58

Tell your boyfriend to sort out once and for all what they both consider to be fair contact.He,quite obviously,has entertained previous requests of a similar nature so if that is how it has been up until now,it must be assumed that it hasn't bothered him much.She certainly has assumed it's ok to ring him then,(if she thought she was going to get an earful,he would have been the last person she would have phoned).

So if he doesn't have a problem with it in general,then it's you who has the problem with it.

So again,I repeat....get your head around the fact he is open to helping out the mother of his child.Or else you are in for a long,rough road of her being a part of his life.

nokidshere · 07/04/2013 00:08

Fgs what is she? Some poor little woman who can't turn the water off or move hr son to a different room for a while?

And she has a new (seemingly just as useless partner)? Of course she is being bloody unreasonable. She has lived in the house 3 years longer than her ex but doesn't know the basics about it.

All this crap about "helping the mother of his son" is definitely U!!!

Women really do themselves no bloody favours!

McBalls · 07/04/2013 00:09

Wow- that's quite a reaction, nokids! Grin