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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP's ex has no right to phone at 5.30 am?

144 replies

MsColour · 06/04/2013 22:01

My partner (we don't yet live together but we are planning on moving in together in the summer) was staying over the other day. His ex-wife phoned him at 5.30 in the morning to say that she had a leaking pipe and didn't know where the stopcock is. The leak was in their son's room.

My dp had no idea where the stopcock was as it is 3 years since he lived in the house. He told her he didn't appreciate being phoned at that time in the morning as it was no an emergency. She wasn't alone, she had her boyfriend with her. She then phoned back later to argue that it was an emergency and she had every right to phone.

I was furious as she could have disturbed my sleeping children plus dp has been unwell and really needs the sleep himself. Plus, I don't like her feeling he can be at her beck and call every time she has a problem.

OP posts:
kim147 · 06/04/2013 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BruthasTortoise · 06/04/2013 22:23

So slight dripping that could be caught in a bowl until a plumber could be located? Maybe not so unreasonable then.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 06/04/2013 22:23

He lived in the house with her at some stage right?

Then surely it's perfectly reasonable to think he may know where the stop cock is??

Maybe she panicked, but you really are bu.

They share a child she is going to be in your life a long time, you'd better get used to it.

TheSecondComing · 06/04/2013 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenelopePortrait · 06/04/2013 22:24

I am no fan of XW's contacting their XH's. However, I think that this is an emergency and regardless of time it was appropriate for her to ring.

However, if she has rung previously for things that are not emergencies (playing little woman to stir up trouble) then she only has herself to blame when in a real emergency no one comes running.

Mutt · 06/04/2013 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Booyhoo · 06/04/2013 22:24

and what is it with all the threads about exes not being allowed to call or text unless between specific times and to discuss specific issues that the partner of the ex unilaterally decides upon?

IntheFrame · 06/04/2013 22:24

If the stopcock was somewhere unusual then YABU. Surprised your DP didn't know either TBH.

If it's under the sink then yes I'd be Hmm too but it's his son that is having his room and sleep ruined so I think he should help. One emergency is hardly "beck and call".

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2013 22:25

Who wants to pay out for a plumber before asking someone a simple question?

And also, how was the ex to know where he was sleeping that morning? If they don't live together, how would she know the phone might wake the OP's kids?

EchoBitch · 06/04/2013 22:26

I don't know where my stop cock is.

The leak was in their sons bedroom.

You are a meanie.

mynewpassion · 06/04/2013 22:26

Not sure if so even got to tell the ex if just ranted about her calling him.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 06/04/2013 22:26

errrrr... slight dripping could have meant a dam burst waiting to happen (I can remember a ceiling coming down in a pub, that had dripped a little bit first).

I assume that ex-wife wasnt prowling the house at 5.30am looking for crises to annoy her ex with.

Where would be the sense in phoning a family member? Why on earth should a family member know where the stopcock is?

ChippingInIsEggceptional · 06/04/2013 22:27

How do you know it was a slight drip - you weren't there Hmm

She didn't ask him to go there did she - just if he knew where the stopcock was? So hardly 'at his beck & call' Hmm

If the boot was on the other foot - your boyfriend would be calling her - nothing to do with you or your family Hmm

If you did need to know where your stopcock was, ringing someone who used to live in the house would be far more sensible than phoning a family member who hasn't lived in the house - how the hell are they supposed to know where it is? Hmm

DizzyPurple · 06/04/2013 22:27

I would have thought she'd know a way to turn the water off however its not always clear. We recently had to find our stopcock for a non-emergency situation and it was in the downstairs toilet (formerly a cupboard) behind sealed tiles which we had to break open. Some people use no logic when doing up houses - we didn't obviously put it there (not lived here long). Back to the point, ideally I would have thought she wouldn't ring him however she was probably really worried. A one off phone call isn't too bad to cope with is it??

ihearsounds · 06/04/2013 22:27

Not an emergency. Really? He is an arse.

Leaking water, in his child's room is an emergency. So what she called at that time in the morning and disturbed his precious sleep. It was probably no picnic for his child either.

Water causes a lot of damage. She was being a responsible person trying to stop the water immediately rather than waiting up to 4 hours for a plumber.. But hey, as long as you guys get your sleep, nothing else matters. Doesn't matter that damage water can do is to weaken joists, thus can cause a collapse of ceiling and/or walls.

My stopcock is not in an obvious place. For some reason it is not in the same place as neighbours property, even though all the properties are identical. But someone, years ago, thought it would be a good idea to put them all in different places. None, btw are under the sink either.

TheSloppelganger · 06/04/2013 22:29

I don't think she was unreasonable to call and ask for help. A previous resident of the house could be reasonably be expected to be able to help solve her problem immediately - rather than causing her and their son discomfort and stress as she tried to figure out a worsening problem by herself.

However, I do think the ex is a bit unreasonable for not knowing where the stopcock is. Surely everyone should know how to cut the water off in their own residence? It's only sensible isn't it?

Catchingmockingbirds · 06/04/2013 22:30

I think in this case it was reasonable to call, sorry, what other times has she done this?

VerySmallSqueak · 06/04/2013 22:31

It's not a big deal OP but you're trying to make it so.

I'm not sure what your agenda is but it's about more than a phone call.

pooka · 06/04/2013 22:32

God - had missed the fact that she didn't even know he wasn't at his own place.

Get a grip op.

I certainly wouldn't usually be aware of a small drip in another bedroom at 5.30am. Suggests to me that wasn't really a drip.

Could have woken your sleeping dcs? So didn't actually?

Think you need to chill out.

TheChaoGoesMu · 06/04/2013 22:32

His child, so his problem too. And it always will be.

pooka · 06/04/2013 22:35

I know where our stopcock is because we've had a stop switch fitted - a rocker switch - in cupboard under sink. Because actual stopcock isnt easily accessible (behind units).

EchoBitch · 06/04/2013 22:37

And if your DP had the arse at being woken up for it then he's an arsehole.

Didn't he care if his sons room was flooded and all his stuff ruined?

Never mind the damage water does to everything else.

TidyDancer · 06/04/2013 22:38

Gosh, of course this is an emergency. And if she thought he would know where the stopcock is then it was totally reasonable for her to call. Yes, she should know where it is, but the fact is she didn't. Not to mention that a small leak can very quickly become a very big one. Definitely an emergency.

Sorry, but you don't sound very feeling.

HildaOgden · 06/04/2013 22:44

I think the fact that you don't live together yourselves is colouring your reaction to this.Your 'sleepover' was disturbed by the mother of his child ringing...you feel 'your' time was interrupted by her.Well,that's what I think anyway.

You are aware,aren't you,that if you become his 'full' partner (ie living together),that you will be dealing with her until the child they share reaches adulthood?

Maybe iron out how that is going to actually work in reality,before he moves in.

ForTheLoveOfSocks · 06/04/2013 22:46

I don't understand why everyone is jumping up and down. Surely if their DS was in danger then his DM should remove him from the situation, therefore he is no longer in harms way. Then she should turn the water off.

OP I don't think YABU. She has lived in a property for three years without understanding its basic functions. To me that is irresponsible. And yes, it's me who knows how the house functions. My DH doesn't know what to do when a fuse goes. Come to think of it, I don't think he knows where the stopcock is either.

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