to think that as a mother you would not like your children in another house for half the week?

[exoticfruits]

I know that 50/50 custody can be a good thing but could you, hand on heart, say that you would be perfectly happy for your young children to be living with their father, step mother and step siblings for half the week?
I would hate it, but apparently I can't speak for women in general - and lots exist that would be quite happy with this. Having been told this 3or 4times on another thread, I thought I would ask and find out who is right.
My assumption is that the mother would like to be prime carer with the father having access.

Thanks for answering MammaTJ It's interesting how the same situation can feel different depending on what caused it to happen

LineRunner 50/50 is just a pipedream isn't it? Maybe if we had the option of 50/50 we wouldn't like the idea

You really don't see why this thread has upset people?

Yes StuntGirl, I noticed I was just thick and didn't understand the question

i understood teh question completely, what i was having trouble with is how OP couldn't understand that there wouldn't be an out and out answer as so many people are in so many different scenarios with different feelings about it. so 50/50 to one person could be a different thing for another.

if you had asked me 7 years ago whether i would be happy being without my ds half the week i would have said no.

ask me now if i would be happy being without my dcs half the week i am saying yes.

there are reasons why my answers 7 years apart differ. same children, same father, different circumstances.

AllDirections My point is that for those resident parents who want 50/50, there is no legal way of them pursuing it let alone enforcing it.

LineRunner I like the idea of 50/50 being enforceable but in practice it wouldn't work which is why it's not enforceable. As much as I want 50/50 I couldn't do it at the expense of my DC's care and happiness.

But the look on my X's face if a judge told him he had to have the DC 50% of the time, now that would be priceless

If the dad was hands on involved and had taken equal responsibility during the relationship then I would not bat an eyelid and I would probably rather enjoy the break. But then again I would expect dads partner to not act or behave like she was my dc's parent just the same as I would not place a partner of mine in any situation where they had to act like one. My kids have 2 parents only.

But my experience of dads is a bit different to that so no I would hate it, I will how ever stress that my experance is based on personal experance and DV work so focuses on bad dads.

The dads I come into contact with have little interest in their kids and my ex is quite happy that he does not have to see his dc.

Basically what Sockpixie said - but with my Ex, his desire for contact is purely based on his deep desire to control and 'beat' me and the courts, social services etc who have reduced his contact. He is enabled and encouraged at every step by an emotionally stunted OW. So the thought of anything close to 50:50 contact fills me with fear and horror.

Seeing as I'm having a thick moment too

to think that as a mother you would not like your children in another house for half the week?

I do have to counter that statement with the fact that my Dh was a far better mother than I ever was. I do practical things like keep them clean and cook and sort out packed lunches - he does all the emotional parenting stuff - so in answer to your musing OP - it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if the entire household took off and lived somewhere else for 95% of the week .

I would hate it. their dad would hate it. the children would hate it (now can't say about older) they would love to see their dad more though.

HollyBerryBush

AllDirections I would love to see that look, too.

My ExH took me to court twice for a contact order he admitted in court he didn't really want. He just needed to 'communicate' with me. Even his [expensive] barrister was cringeing.

LineRunner Have we got the same XH?

My XH took me to court for contact at defined times that he doesn't always often want or have. He just wanted the 'right' to those times. Arse!

Yes, I think our ExHs must be a Jungian archetype.

The mythical timetabley-keeping-father.

I haven't read the whole thread but I would say as a single mother coparenting with a full time job, I am not overjoyed to be separated from my kids ( not 5050 now but there is a plan to do so gradually).

However, I have a very full on job and no nanny type support so in fact for my own sanity it is not so bad to have a few nights and weekends "off" and I am hoping to get to the stage where staying late at work when I don't have them means I can pick them up early other days....

DH and I share the childcare 50:50, in fact he does the school run at both end of the day so really he does more. I think my DCs would be devastated if we were to split up and they didn't spend at least half their time with their father. It's not about what I want, surely it's about what is best for the DCs security and stability.

And if it we had anything other than that, by Day 4 with me the DCs would be moaning to be about when they were going to see their dad so I'd want shot of them anyway.

If he was a crap, hands-off dad then no way would I be happy with 50:50

You're being disingenuous, OP. You're changing your tack over whether or not your question was "a simple poll" according to whether you like the answers.

If you had simply asked: "as a mother, would you be happy seeing your children for 50% of the time", then of course most of us would say that we'd hate it. And you would hate it too.

But you didn't. You opined about the different types of access. You implied that mothers were somehow special, with special feelings for their children that men didn't have. You wondered "who was right". And then, when people who actually have some experience tried to explain that things might be - you know - a bit more complex than what you might feel "in your heart of hearts", you scuttled back to your claim that it was a simple poll.

As if you could ever have a simple poll about something like that.

OP, in one of your early posts you said: I believe that I can speak for most women to say they wouldn't like it-even if they managed to hide their feelings-in their heart of hearts they wouldn't like it.

I think that is where YABU. The responses on this thread show that you CANNOT speak for most women. None of us can, we are all different. Your feelings and opinions are valid, for you, but not necessarily for others.

When my dc were younger and spent almost 50% of their time with their Dad, I was delighted. he gave them the time and attention that he'd never given them while we were together, they build up a really good relationship with him, and I had time without them which was really important for my mental health. Of course there were times when I missed them desperately, and howled at the thought of them waking up without me there, but those felt more like isolated self-indulgent moments rather than how I felt all the time.