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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A child has urinated all over ds.

223 replies

PrammyMammy · 18/03/2013 17:58

I'm not sure if I am over reacting or not.
Ds is 5 and in primary one. The boy in question is also 5 and in the same class as ds.

Firstly in February I had a letter sent home saying my ds was outside the toilet cubicle with his pants down and had lost 'Golden time' because of this. I asked him about it and his reason was that he was in the toilet doing a poo and the boy pushed him off the seat and told him he was to use another toilet.
When I called the school with that story they said that isn't what they had heard and as far as they knew that isn't what happened.
So, today at my work I got a call.
Ds has been involved in an insistent, he was sitting on the toilet and another boy opened the door, entered and wee'd all over him. He has been changed, is no longer upset and the other boy's parents have been called.

At first I thought that the school had dealt with it well and appropriately, until I got my son off the school bus and he had an entire change of clothes, his own clothes in a bag, completely soaking wet, I'm talking woollen jumper, trousers, poloshirt, vest and pants, all soaking. This boy had done a full wee on him.
I asked him about it, and it turns out it was the same boy who pushed him off the toilet in February.
About ten minutes later the school called me. I expected it to be about the insistent. It was his teacher asking me for my permission to sent ds to speech and language therapy. I brought up that it was the same boy who they said hadn't pushed ds off the toilet before and again she said 'no that didn't happen as far as we are aware'.

I doubt my son has made up that he was pushed off a toilet seat by the same boy who has wee'd all over him a month later.
I don't know if I should meet with the school or leave it at this. I mean there is nothing else that can be done about today, but if this is an on going thing then I'd like them to realise it and not just dismiss me.
What would you do?

OP posts:
SundaysGirl · 18/03/2013 18:29

I agree with the worry of what five year old would think it is ok to do a full wee on someone else like that? And it fits completely with him pushing your child out of the toilet and saying he was using it.

Poor child..both of them.

The school sound like they are trying to minimise it, I would go in tomorrow if it were me.

RooneyMara · 18/03/2013 18:32

Did they not let him have a wash or a shower at school? He must have been soaked and smelling very unpleasant.

They ought to have washed his clothes as well, not just shoved them into a bag.

I think I would be taking this a whole lot further tbh. I'm sorry for you and your poor lad.

toastandmarmiterocks · 18/03/2013 18:33

Absolutely make a fuss. And don't leave it til parents evening, if its anything like our school you get shuffled out after 5 minutes. This is clearly something that needs a little more time. I would write (email?) to the head expressing your dissatisfaction with the handling of the situation and how you would like a meeting to discuss. It's not acceptable to completely deny your son's words about the first incident and also the pee-er needs to understand his actions are not acceptable, for his own sake.

Yfronts · 18/03/2013 18:34

'no that didn't happen as far as we are aware' is their way of not doing anything. Tell them these are the facts and what are they going to do with the information about a child bullying your child twice. Also ask your son if there have been any other incidents at all. Email - if it's in writing things are logged more formally. Ask for a reply by email.

RooneyMara · 18/03/2013 18:35

talking of safeguarding the other lad is displaying some very worrying behaviours here

I think that needs flagged if nothing else

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 18/03/2013 18:36

It is a brand new school, this is the first ever primary 1 class and the town begins with S not U.
I'm just going to call them in the morning and take my son in, hopefully there will be someone around to talk to.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 18/03/2013 18:37

No way would I be waiting for parents evening...this needs to be discussed separately, and asap. I would want to know why the toilets don't have basic locks on them, for a start.

However foul being urinated on is, and there is no getting away from that, these are 5 year olds...small children who are still learning, and we don't know anything about this other child, so to say this is "bullying" is a bit dramatic, IMO.

homeaway · 18/03/2013 18:38

This is awful op, they should have made sure that he had a shower as it is not on to be covered with somebody's urine for the whole day. I would go to the school and ask to speak to the head as this is not on at all. This is bullying in the extreme. I hope he is ok .

maddening · 18/03/2013 18:38

Definitely get this formally dealt with.

Also point out that the incident in February can be considered to have happened - I take it they took one child's version over you ds' s.

I would also suggest that you raise the question of bullying now.

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 18/03/2013 18:39

The doors do have locks but they are half sized doors I'm sure.

OP posts:
Owllady · 18/03/2013 18:39

it's really not about the other child, it's about the schools inability to support its pupils and manage their behaviour (whether they have a degree of sn (which I suspect) or not)

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 18/03/2013 18:41

I think it's awful and I also think the teacher was on the back foot about it which is why she tackled you about the speech and language referal on the SAME day that this awful thing happened.

I would call a meeting and the first thing I would say is that the teacher should not have called about the S and L thing until she had spoken to you properly about this nasty incident.

INeverSaidThat · 18/03/2013 18:41

I agree that this is a very veryserious incident and I would be wanting a full explanation as to what happened and what will happen in future. This is the type of thing that could really affect a child if it is not dealt with properly.
There may be things going on with the other boy that they can not tell you about. (You would almost hope that this was the case Confused )

I would be nervous to let my child remain in a school where he might. Be exposed to this type of thing unless I was confident that something had been done to prevent a recurrence.

RooneyMara · 18/03/2013 18:42

There could be SN
There could be abuse happening somewhere in his life

The school isn't doing enough imo but then they may not make you aware of it if they were, so let's hope.

RooneyMara · 18/03/2013 18:43

x posts

OxfordBags · 18/03/2013 18:44

This is horrid for your poor boy and it's not acceptable for the teacher to fob you off that way. Also, apart from how upsetting and unpleasant these two incidents must've been for your DS, I'm worried about the other boy. Perhaps he has some sort of additional needs which have not been picked up, or has been witness to, or the victim of, dodgy behaviour at home (not sexual, nec., but poor/weird/aggressive boundaries about toilet stuff, etc.).

The school shouldn't be brushing this under the carpet.

LynetteScavo · 18/03/2013 18:47

Owllady, I agree with you.

TheRealFellatio · 18/03/2013 18:48

Hmm. the weeing boy is displaying some worrying signs of being controlling/bullying in a sexual way if you ask me. And it sounds as if he is specifically targeting your son. Without wishing to sound alarmist I think you need to make sure your son is chaperoned when he goes to the loo, and the other boy should be watched closely for a while.

jennybeadle · 18/03/2013 18:49

Don't try to deal with this at parents evening. This is separate, and you will want to use the time to see how your DSs progress is going, not focussing on how they are (mis)handling the situation.

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 18/03/2013 19:02

I have had a chat with ds about how this lad acts usually.
He said he has stamped on his foot and told other boys not to be his friend. Can a 5 year old really be like that?
I'm going to push for an appointment tomorrow. I'm so angry though Confused Ahhh! I never knew school was so stressful.

OP posts:
paddyclampo · 18/03/2013 19:10

This is awful - i'd go into school and kick up a right stink .... The other boy definitely needs watching, this is not normal behaviour :/

LibertineLover · 18/03/2013 19:11

Awww, bless you and your poor DS, I would be spitting feathers, agree that there must be something wrong in the other boys life to do something so so horrible, that much wee takes time.

Push for a proper meeting, you need answers about how they are going to handle any future problems.

bangwhizz · 18/03/2013 19:20

why isn't your DS locking the door when he goes to the toilet?

FamiliesShareGerms · 18/03/2013 19:21

Poor you and your DS

Agree this needs a meeting with the head separately from Parents Evening (which is where you can discuss the proposed referral)

Poppet48 · 18/03/2013 19:23

I would be absolutely furious and go straight to the school and tell them exactly what I thought and not leave until they told me what appropriate action they are going to take.

Your poor DS :(