A child has urinated all over ds.

[PrammyMammy]

I'm not sure if I am over reacting or not.
Ds is 5 and in primary one. The boy in question is also 5 and in the same class as ds.

Firstly in February I had a letter sent home saying my ds was outside the toilet cubicle with his pants down and had lost 'Golden time' because of this. I asked him about it and his reason was that he was in the toilet doing a poo and the boy pushed him off the seat and told him he was to use another toilet.
When I called the school with that story they said that isn't what they had heard and as far as they knew that isn't what happened.
So, today at my work I got a call.
Ds has been involved in an insistent, he was sitting on the toilet and another boy opened the door, entered and wee'd all over him. He has been changed, is no longer upset and the other boy's parents have been called.

At first I thought that the school had dealt with it well and appropriately, until I got my son off the school bus and he had an entire change of clothes, his own clothes in a bag, completely soaking wet, I'm talking woollen jumper, trousers, poloshirt, vest and pants, all soaking. This boy had done a full wee on him.
I asked him about it, and it turns out it was the same boy who pushed him off the toilet in February.
About ten minutes later the school called me. I expected it to be about the insistent. It was his teacher asking me for my permission to sent ds to speech and language therapy. I brought up that it was the same boy who they said hadn't pushed ds off the toilet before and again she said 'no that didn't happen as far as we are aware'.

I doubt my son has made up that he was pushed off a toilet seat by the same boy who has wee'd all over him a month later.
I don't know if I should meet with the school or leave it at this. I mean there is nothing else that can be done about today, but if this is an on going thing then I'd like them to realise it and not just dismiss me.
What would you do?

[cloutiedumpling]

I agree LeChat. My DSis was badly bullied throughout primary school and it stayed with her for a long time. The school acknowledged that bullying was taking place but never did anything effective about it.

[PrammyMammy]

He has been fine going to school. He gets the bus. Except yesterday he wouldn't leave the street when I was taking him to the bus stop he was screaming at the top of his voice, sobbing that he wanted to go home. The school receptionist heard it because I called them, then I got the meeting with them.
He got on the bus okay this morning too my husband said but he was upset coming home.
He is asleep on me now. Thankfully.

[MaryZeZJezuzIzntZombiedYet]

It's terrible when you discover that your child is having a shit time at school . But he is only 5 - missing a few days will do him (and you) the world of good.

With such a small number of boys in the class he won't escape this child. So unless the school can absolutely guarantee that a named person (not just someone) will be watching them at every break, loo trip and any time they leave the classroom, I too think you should be looking at a new school.

[maddening]

They punished him for the first incident and have not addressed or prevented other incidents and it sounds like they were both blamed for these. The urination incident hasn't seen punishment for this boy who then attacks your son and they are both spoken to.

How exactly does the school say it is dealing with it?
What have they done so far and what are the next steps?
Do they consider this bullying and what is their bullying policy?
Has it been implemented?
Why have you not been informed till now and how did they let a 5year old bully escalate to this point?

Yes he may be troubled but I don't think it would be appropriate for you to raise - I assume that by implementing the bullying policy the school would themselves have a duty of care to consider both boys - that would be between them and his parents.

Definitely raise bullying now following your ds' response to this - it sounds like it is escalating.

[kerstina]

Sounds like he has been through so much. As others have said I would not send him back there either. What on earth would possess another child age 5 do this is beyond me. They must have a very troubled background.
I would have no confidence in the school they are not keeping him safe. Phone ofsted even if your son does not go back for the sake of the other children at the school. It sounds like they are not coping with the heads frequent absences and things are getting out of hand.

[cloutiedumpling]

We don't have Ofsted in Scotland. You'd need HMIE. More info on www.HMIE.gov.uk.

[PrammyMammy]

I have written a letter in reply to the one I got today. Stating that ds is 100% sure this was not rough play, that they were fighting over a toy and there were multiple of the same toy available. Ds has told me he hit the child with the hoop after he was slapped.
The staff admitted to me yesterday that ds doesn't communicate well with them and shuts off so I don't know if he has just kept quiet at the time, even if that is the case I would like to think you can physically tell the difference from rough playing and a fight.
He is in my bed now while I sort the clothes for tomorrow then I'm going to join him. dh finishes work at 2 he will just need to squeeze in somewhere.

[MrsSpagBol]

Kerstina - please shut up.

What do the toilets being dark and dingy have to do with rhe boy being black and thus not seen?

YOU retold your primary school story as a possible explanatiom for what happened to OP's poor son - which means that even as an adult you think it is a reasonsble thing to think that black people cannot be seen in poorly lit toilets!!!

Surely - as an ADULT - you can see that that's utter bollocks - so why repeat it?

I don't want to hijack OP's much more important but you should really learn to think before you type!

I find it incredulous that YOU are cross for stating such a stupid thing as a possible explanation.

[MrsSpagBol]

*much more important thread

[kerstina]

Why do people have to be so nasty . I would not have bought up my experience if I had not believed what the boy said ? Why do people wear bright reflective gear at night . I will shut up now as my previous posts were made before it became clear it was a bullying issue .

[MrsSpagBol]

Kerstina take responsibility for what you said!!! For goodness sake! Do only black people wear visibility gear at night? NO I DIDNT THINK SO!!! So why mention the kid was black ?! WHY???

Take responsibility for what you wrote!

[PrammyMammy]

I can't find the original post about this. My ds isn't black though and this is a brand new building the toilets are bright, fresh and new.
I don't think the pee'er in question was being fully honest sorry, maybe said that to keep himself out of trouble?

[kerstina]

Ok he could have been any colour ! I just described him as I can still see his face now as he looked so sad that it happened . Apologies pram my mammy for sidetrack .

[PrammyMammy]

Oh no don't apologise I'm so grateful for everyone's input. You have all been great

[Hissy]

My son had a recurring problem, the school tried to keep the boys apart, but failed. It felt like the situation was hopeless, my son was being upset and offended, threatened and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

In the end, after what turned out to be aheated meeting of parents, HT, the DepH and a Governor, eventually a suggestion was made about an initiative called Talkabout.

It's a mentoring group, where the child and my son attended a group with a mix of personalities, some with strong social skills, others will less strong skills to encourage positive modelling, respect for each other, and teaching the children to just get on.

My DS was originally a bit scared, but in a couple of weeks, the pair just got on with things. They still do Talkabout, and it's really helped them both gain self confidence. Ask your school if they have heard of this? It's better to try and get them to just 'be' than try to keep them apart, which is impossible and far too fraught.

[bringbacksideburns]

This doesn't seem to be sorted if you are getting letters concerning this boy and 'rough play' and your son is upset at home.

I think you should seriously look into changing schools.

[SneakyNinja]

Any update OP?

[FrameyMcFrame]

Hi Op, how is your DS?
Hope all is ok

[zirca]

As a teacher, I'm appalled. If that were to happen to a child of mine, I wouldn't be sending them back to that school.

[JaxTellerIsMyFriend]

how are things now op?

[porridgewithblueberries]

Prammy, if it makes you feel any better, I have had the "personality clash" trotted out to me by an unsupportive headteacher in relation to a child who kept swearing at me (telling me to fuck off, just fuck off, just fuck off) over and over again, telling me I had body odour and other delightful things. I was a TEACHER! I was so cross at the implication that it was something to do with a problem with my personality or demeanour that prompted horrible behaviour from this child - I said acidly I didn't have a clashing sort of personality!

I would definitely seriously think about moving schools. You sound a lovely mum x

[QueenBee245]

I have heard of a similar situation in a school, the child in question has behavioural problems but doesn't receive funding for support and causes a lot of issues in their class, the best thing you can do is keep on and on to the head or governors as most of the time this is the only way they take any notice and something actually gets done.
Hope your DS is ok

[SpecialAgentDaenerysTargaryen]

Any updates Prammy? How is your boy doing?