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AIBU?

A child has urinated all over ds.

223 replies

PrammyMammy · 18/03/2013 17:58

I'm not sure if I am over reacting or not.
Ds is 5 and in primary one. The boy in question is also 5 and in the same class as ds.

Firstly in February I had a letter sent home saying my ds was outside the toilet cubicle with his pants down and had lost 'Golden time' because of this. I asked him about it and his reason was that he was in the toilet doing a poo and the boy pushed him off the seat and told him he was to use another toilet.
When I called the school with that story they said that isn't what they had heard and as far as they knew that isn't what happened.
So, today at my work I got a call.
Ds has been involved in an insistent, he was sitting on the toilet and another boy opened the door, entered and wee'd all over him. He has been changed, is no longer upset and the other boy's parents have been called.

At first I thought that the school had dealt with it well and appropriately, until I got my son off the school bus and he had an entire change of clothes, his own clothes in a bag, completely soaking wet, I'm talking woollen jumper, trousers, poloshirt, vest and pants, all soaking. This boy had done a full wee on him.
I asked him about it, and it turns out it was the same boy who pushed him off the toilet in February.
About ten minutes later the school called me. I expected it to be about the insistent. It was his teacher asking me for my permission to sent ds to speech and language therapy. I brought up that it was the same boy who they said hadn't pushed ds off the toilet before and again she said 'no that didn't happen as far as we are aware'.

I doubt my son has made up that he was pushed off a toilet seat by the same boy who has wee'd all over him a month later.
I don't know if I should meet with the school or leave it at this. I mean there is nothing else that can be done about today, but if this is an on going thing then I'd like them to realise it and not just dismiss me.
What would you do?

OP posts:

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PrammyMammy · 18/03/2013 19:23

As far as I can gather, he is locking the door, but the doors are half size and easily reached over. I will be asking about that tomorrow too though.
Having said that, I don't believe an unlocked door is an excuse for urinating over someone.

OP posts:

bangwhizz · 18/03/2013 19:24

TBH I think both boys are displaying some silly behaviour.
If Your DS's story about being pushed off the toilet is true, why did he not pull his pants and trousers up ? It is odd to be hanging round outside the cubicle with pants down?
why are they not all locking the doors.
I think they are playing silly beggars in there.The teacher needs to send them one at a time.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 18/03/2013 19:27

Bang this is a 5 year old...he may have been more engaged in trying to get back IN than worrying about his pants. He had, after all just been dragged off a toilet!

LindyHemming · 18/03/2013 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BreasticlesNTesticles · 18/03/2013 19:30

Maybe the OP's DS was a tad confused at being shoved off a toilet mid poo!

FannyFifer · 18/03/2013 19:33

Wow, did they just change your son, covered head to toe in someone's urine & no wash, WTF!

I would go into the head teacher in the morning, your poor wee boy.

Is he scared of this other boy, did he just stand there & let him wee all over him?

bangwhizz · 18/03/2013 19:34

we are all speculating, but the one thing I think everyone agrees with is that you need more explanation about what happened on both occasions.

PrammyMammy · 18/03/2013 19:35

He was doing a poo and went next door not to get poo on his pants. Believe me when I say I asked all those questions last month.
The doors are small doors you can reach over. According to ds, but I will obviously be asking this tomorrow as well.
I am absolutely not someone who blames the other child. I have two kids and I know how easily a silly mishap can escalate between them.
But again. It is the fact that he was totally soaked right through. The head teacher said she doesnt believe there was any malice in it but it was done on purpose and she went in because she heard the noise ds made.
I don't know if he was having a carry on, but the head teacher didn't mention anything like that to me.
If I honestly thought this was a carry on I wouldn't be so upset.

OP posts:

pigletmania · 18/03/2013 19:55

I would demand a meeting with the headteacher this is unacceptable. When I was about 8 a bully boy weed all over me, i still remember it now 28 years later

cloutiedumpling · 18/03/2013 19:59

I would be very upset too if this happened to my DS2 (also in P1). You need to make an appointment to speak to the teacher and the head teacher so that you can find out what happened and what they are going to do about it. If I were you, I'd make it clear when you speak to the school secretary to arrange the meetings that you expect the meetings to last for at least twenty minutes, so that the teachers don't try to shuffle you out of the door after only five. I'd also arrange a series of playdates for your DS with the other boys in the class so that he builds up good friendships with them. I'd probably also speak to some of the other mums in the playground about the other boy. I wouldn't tell them about the toilet incidents but would mention him hurting his hand and ask if their DCs have experienced anything similar. You may find there are a number of parents who are not happy about this boy's behaviour and that your DS was not targeted specifically. Also, if a number of people complain to the teacher and the head they may be more likely to act.

Good luck.

cloutiedumpling · 18/03/2013 20:00

Oh, and the school need to get their janitor to put proper locks on the door that can't be opened by a five year old from the outside

ErikNorseman · 18/03/2013 20:02

The head teacher said she doesnt believe there was any malice in it

What? Ok, there may not have been malice the way an adult understands it but that was a deliberately naughty act done to cause distress to your son. I can't imagine my DS even thinking of weeing on someone, he would be well aware that it was very naughty and disgusting, and he's not even 5 yet. The head's response is simply not acceptable.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 18/03/2013 20:05

I absolutely disagree with the idea of whipping up any sort of talk about the other boy.

OP what a horrible and frightening thing to haopen to your son. The other boy's behaviour sounds extremely naughty or even disturbed to me, and I would worry about/ for him as well. As others have said, there may be stuff the school cannot tell you about him.

I think you do need to pursue this in order to get reassurance that your son's happiness and safety are being safeguarded.

SneakyNinja · 18/03/2013 20:21

What the actual fuck?! I can't quite put my finger on it but this makes me a little bit sick to my stomach. Something is seriously wrong here and the school needs a serious boot up the arse in how to deal with it.

As for " both boys were acting inappropriatly'?! How ridiculous, your DS does not sound like he has done anything wrong, DO NOT allow anyone on here or the school especially convince you otherwise!

PrammyMammy · 18/03/2013 20:25

I wouldn't want to stir up any bother for the lad or his mum with the playground mums. Plus I work 4 out of 5 school days and miss the joys of the school run. Just had a bath and kind of calmed down slightly. My head isn't quite about to explode anymore.
I'm going to speak to the head tomorrow, calmly, and hopefully that will get me somewhere rather than going nuts at them.

OP posts:

Jengnr · 18/03/2013 20:26

This is horrible.

If the teacher says the first incident didn't happen then what the fuck does she think did happen? Because obviously something did.

And 'no malice in it?' I wonder how malicious she'd consider it if someone walked in on her having a dump and pissed all over her.

numbum · 18/03/2013 20:33

Is there the small possibility that the child in question can't hold his urine in and was desperate/couldn't stop weeing once his pants were down? I'm not saying you should leave the incident at all but just trying to think of reasons why it may have happened

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 18/03/2013 20:55

Yes Numb that is a possibility but it's not the OPs problem. The child in question needs more careful supervision regarding toileting...that should be the OPs concern here...that and making sure that her DS is safe when he goes.

PrammyMammy · 18/03/2013 20:58

I guess that could be a possibility but he passed the urinals and went into the cubicle that was already in use. So I don't think so. They have urinals with dinosaurs to aim at, my ds tells me with delight.

OP posts:

Smartiepants79 · 18/03/2013 21:10

Definitely speak to school, clarify how they can be so sure that the previous incident didn't happen.
Make sure you are happy with what they are doing in the future to try and prevent it happening again.
Speak to your son and suggest he takes steps to make sure he is not in the toilets at the same time, I know it is not his problem but at least it would keep him out of it.
I'm not sure i would class this as bullying unless it is in the context of more repetitive and ongoing behaviours.
This kind of nonsense with toilets and small boys is more common than you might think, especially if the child has SN of some kind.

teacherandguideleader · 18/03/2013 21:12

There could be more going on than you are aware of.

I have dealt with several incidents where I am sure the victim's parents have thought me incompetent because of my blasé responses to what the perpetrator has done.

In truth, the incidents had sparked child protection concerns on the part of the perpetrator and social services involvement, a couple of which were serious. I was legally not allowed to pass comment on what was going on and could just reassure the victim's parent 'it was being dealt with'.

Incidentally, I would be raising a boy weeing on another child as a CP concern - what has that child witnessed that makes him think it is ok? It could be just boys being boys, but could be much worse.

numbum · 18/03/2013 21:16

'Yes Numb that is a possibility but it's not the OPs problem.'...I didn't say it wasn't a problem, was just trying to think of reasons why the child thought it was ok/couldn't help it.

Like teacherandguideleader said, there may be more to it that school wont be allowed to divulge to you OP. If they say they're dealing with it they're aware of a situation that usually means there's more to but that can't say what. They do need to reassure you that they're protecting your DS though

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NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 18/03/2013 21:23

Well thinking of reasons won't help the OP will it. I wasn't being rude Numb...just factual.

FullOfWoe · 18/03/2013 21:32

Merry, merry, merry hell - starting tomorrow.

Absolutely should not be happening and it sounds like it's up to you to make sure they get this under control. Unless Wee boy has one to one how can they supervise every visit to the toilet? During independent learning (play) they take themselves off to the loo.

numbum · 18/03/2013 21:43

I was just being factual too (not rude either honest!). Obviously it should not be happening but I know children who just can't hold their wee in once they reach a toilet and wondered if perhaps the child had gone to the toilet, seen the OP's son there and tried to move him out the way quickly/tried not to wee but couldn't stop so carried on and inadvertently wee'd on the OP's son.

That doesn't make it right in any way and needs sorting though

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