A child has urinated all over ds.

[PrammyMammy]

I'm not sure if I am over reacting or not.
Ds is 5 and in primary one. The boy in question is also 5 and in the same class as ds.

Firstly in February I had a letter sent home saying my ds was outside the toilet cubicle with his pants down and had lost 'Golden time' because of this. I asked him about it and his reason was that he was in the toilet doing a poo and the boy pushed him off the seat and told him he was to use another toilet.
When I called the school with that story they said that isn't what they had heard and as far as they knew that isn't what happened.
So, today at my work I got a call.
Ds has been involved in an insistent, he was sitting on the toilet and another boy opened the door, entered and wee'd all over him. He has been changed, is no longer upset and the other boy's parents have been called.

At first I thought that the school had dealt with it well and appropriately, until I got my son off the school bus and he had an entire change of clothes, his own clothes in a bag, completely soaking wet, I'm talking woollen jumper, trousers, poloshirt, vest and pants, all soaking. This boy had done a full wee on him.
I asked him about it, and it turns out it was the same boy who pushed him off the toilet in February.
About ten minutes later the school called me. I expected it to be about the insistent. It was his teacher asking me for my permission to sent ds to speech and language therapy. I brought up that it was the same boy who they said hadn't pushed ds off the toilet before and again she said 'no that didn't happen as far as we are aware'.

I doubt my son has made up that he was pushed off a toilet seat by the same boy who has wee'd all over him a month later.
I don't know if I should meet with the school or leave it at this. I mean there is nothing else that can be done about today, but if this is an on going thing then I'd like them to realise it and not just dismiss me.
What would you do?

[Floggingmolly]

The head doesn't believe there was any malice in it? Does she seriously think a 5 year old pissing all over someone else is in any way normal?
It is not just high jinks, and it's certainly not normal.
Op, go in to school immediately, don't even think of leaving it until Thursday.

[PrammyMammy]

We are having heavy, heavy snow so hopefully the school isn't snowed off.
I keep a picture diary with my ds and the same little boy has been mentioned a couple of times :( I'm just sitting here going round and it's not doing any good. My head is bursting.
My husband is at work so I'm glad I came on here for people to talk to.
Thanks for all your help :)

[Cherriesarelovely]

How horrible for your DS op. Of course you are not BU. I am a very gentle, laid back teacher, who always tries to give children the benefit of the doubt but I would consider this an extremely serious incident. I would have the parents of the other child in like a shot and I do not say that lightly. When the teacher says there was "no malice" in it does s/he mean that they boys were mucking about and laughing? Even if they were I would find this behaviour extremely shocking. I would also be very upset, if I were you, that your child was punished before for the previous incident without listening to his explanation. Hope you get on ok with the school tomorrow. Don't be made to feel as if you are complaining about nothing. This needs to be sorted.

[tully67]

Your poor son. I would be so mad if that happened to one of my sons. It's beyond disgusting. I'd be with the head teacher tomorrow and want action.

[FrameyMcFrame]

I'm fuming on your behalf and for your DS. Please cause no end of trouble for these teachers who have not taken your DS seriously. :(

[giraffesCantDateDucks]

Poor DS

However sounds like other boy also needs some help/monitoring if he doing this.

[Cherriesarelovely]

I would like to add OP that in 15 years of teaching I have NEVER heard of a child do that before (I've always worked with Key Stage 1). It is very strange behaviour quite apart from being very upsetting for your son and you.

[Mumblepot26]

Bloody hell, make a big big fuss.

[TapselteerieO]

I would write a letter first, basically outlining both incidents, how upset your ds is, and how upset you are. (Create a paper trail) school must deal with complaint in writing by writing to you outlining what measures will be taken to support your son - I would mention the foot stamping and telling other children not to be friends with your ds. It is important to keep everything simple, to the point and ask the school to get back to you with solutions they think will resolve the issues and ensure your ds is not a target of really awful behaviour.

The other child may have additional support needs, but you need to make sure your ds is safe.

What a horrible experience for you all.

[mam29]

so sorry this soounds awful,

There was issue in dds old school with recption boys in boys toiliet.
The parent couldent resolve the issue not same as yours as felt the school failed to safeguard and called social services who have duty care to investigate,

If you cant resolve with school I would ring social.

do not wiat until parents evening not time or place,.

from what you say bullyings persistant and in other ways not just toiliet.

i would look at school, safeguarding policy and anti bullying should be on website.

[piprabbit]

I think that, as a parent, I would be raising this with the school as possible bullying and asking them how they plan to protect your child.

Now, I quite agree with posters who say that there may be more to it, that the other child may have some sort of SN or be at risk in some way. But you are not in a position to speculate about that, all you can do is raise the issue with school stating the simple facts...that this child seems to be targeting your DS while he is using the toilet.

Perhaps your child wasn't deliberately targeted, in which case it is either a huge coincidence that your DS just happened to be using the toilet on the only two occasions that the other child behaved inappropriately or there have been other incidents involving other children of which you are not aware (but the teachers presumably are). Either way the school needs to do something.

[saintlyjimjams]

If the head teacher doesn't think there was any malice in it it suggests that there may be more going on with this boy that you realise. But if that is the case then there needs to be better supervision for the children when using the toilet.

Had they tried to rinse the clothes? Could that be why they were so wet (sorry if you have made it clear that wasn't the case - am not well so have skim read on way to bed)

[fluffypillow]

I'm so sorry this happened to your little boy

Please make sure you put your complaint and everything you discuss with the School tomorrow IN WRITING, asking for them to reply also in writing stating exactly what they intend to do about this problem. It makes such a difference with things like this. They can never then tell you at a later date that certain things weren't said and agreed.

In my experience Schools will take a problem much more seriously if you write it down, as they may have to explain themselves at a later date, and procedures have to be seen to be followed.

You ask in your op if you are over reacting???? NO NO NO you're not.

Please be strong, and get this sorted for your Son A.S.A.P. I would want a cast iron guarantee (in writing) that this will NEVER happen again whilst my Son was in their 'care'. Schools have a 'Duty of care' to all children, and they did NOT care for your Son today

I really hope you have a good outcome tomorrow.

[Floggingmolly]

Malice aforethought or not, (and who would be in a position to say that?), why should any child have to put up with this?

[PrammyMammy]

I will keep you updated with tomorrows outcome. :)
The more I think about it the worse I feel for my ds. Imagine being wee'd on. Kids are evil.
The little boy in question was at ds birthday party in December, and to be honest he didn't seem to behave any different from any of the other boys at the party. He played well, took part in everything, ate all his lunch and was pleasant throughout the whole thing.
There are only 7 boys in the class so keeping an eye on them all shouldn't be too hard really.
The clothes had not been rinsed. The jumper had an obviously wet mark in the centre, and they smelled so bad. It's amazing the amount of times I've had to change wet beds and wet pants over the years without hesitation but as soon as its another's child's wee it makes you heave lol.

[candyandyoga]

Your poor boy. Raise massive merry hell. Do not let them fob you off. Sounds like this boy is bullying your boy.

[foreverondiet]

Totally vile and unacceptable bullying, make appointment with class teacher to start with, parents night slot not long enough.

Do you think your son needs speech and language therapy?

[Andro]

I hope you get this sorted OP, incidents such as this can easily trigger issues wrt children refusing to use school toilets...not good for their health.

[PrammyMammy]

Foreveronadiet (good name btw)
I asked on the phone why she thought he needed s&l because I had no concern. She said for example he can not say his sisters name (he can) He calls her Gosie or Dosie when her name is Josie.
I just said 'you know what, I'll speak to you on thursday'
My ds and dd have 20 months between them. He couldn't say Josie when she was born. Now she calls him Noah Boah and he calls her Josie Gosie. It's nix names that have stuck since she was born. Cute little sibling nic names. Even I call her Josie Gosie sometimes. I didn't go into that on the phone because I had just collected him and he was upset and I was angry. That was the only example she gave me.

[Flojobunny]

Something is terribly wrong here and I would not be sending my DS anywhere near that school.
If the head teacher went in then your DS must have been screaming ut

[Flojobunny]

No way would I send my DS back to that school.
I'd be straight on to finding him another tomorrow.

[PrammyMammy]

Yeah he was shouting that is why she went in. She told me that on the phone. She caught him red handed.

[IDontDoIroning]

The child can't have any excuse for this such as being desperate for a wee as you've said above there are urinals as well as cubicles.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I know you are upset but kids are NOT evil.

[SoupDreggon]

The boy has been punished, his parents have been told, he will not be going into the toilets unsupervised.

Of course it was horrid for your DS but what more do you think the school needs to be doing?