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AIBU?

A child has urinated all over ds.

223 replies

PrammyMammy · 18/03/2013 17:58

I'm not sure if I am over reacting or not.
Ds is 5 and in primary one. The boy in question is also 5 and in the same class as ds.

Firstly in February I had a letter sent home saying my ds was outside the toilet cubicle with his pants down and had lost 'Golden time' because of this. I asked him about it and his reason was that he was in the toilet doing a poo and the boy pushed him off the seat and told him he was to use another toilet.
When I called the school with that story they said that isn't what they had heard and as far as they knew that isn't what happened.
So, today at my work I got a call.
Ds has been involved in an insistent, he was sitting on the toilet and another boy opened the door, entered and wee'd all over him. He has been changed, is no longer upset and the other boy's parents have been called.

At first I thought that the school had dealt with it well and appropriately, until I got my son off the school bus and he had an entire change of clothes, his own clothes in a bag, completely soaking wet, I'm talking woollen jumper, trousers, poloshirt, vest and pants, all soaking. This boy had done a full wee on him.
I asked him about it, and it turns out it was the same boy who pushed him off the toilet in February.
About ten minutes later the school called me. I expected it to be about the insistent. It was his teacher asking me for my permission to sent ds to speech and language therapy. I brought up that it was the same boy who they said hadn't pushed ds off the toilet before and again she said 'no that didn't happen as far as we are aware'.

I doubt my son has made up that he was pushed off a toilet seat by the same boy who has wee'd all over him a month later.
I don't know if I should meet with the school or leave it at this. I mean there is nothing else that can be done about today, but if this is an on going thing then I'd like them to realise it and not just dismiss me.
What would you do?

OP posts:

Report

PrammyMammy · 19/03/2013 18:12

Yes it is a mainstream school.
It's a new school, this is their first year.

OP posts:

dublindee · 19/03/2013 18:53

Glad you're getting things sorted prammymammy and that your DS is doing ok since. Little lamb.

At Jamieandthemagictorch: kids CAN be evil. I was VERY badly bullied in primary school and some of the things done to me I would class as evil. Also look at some of the things "kids" do for "fun" ... Jamie Bolger???

Do not be naive. As parents it's our job to protect our children. Prammymammy was voicing VALID concerns.

Owllady · 19/03/2013 18:56

I am sure the school have a safeguarding officer in place and a senco

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 19/03/2013 19:05

Well we'll have to agree to differ there dublindee

PrammyMammy · 19/03/2013 19:51

Of course kids can be evil.
I was angry last night though. This wee boy is maybe confused/angry/unsettled or something else and I hope he gets the support he needs.
I've spoken to ds and asked him to stay away from him as much as possible, if their personalities are clashing that will help both parties.

OP posts:

WhatchaMaCalllit · 19/03/2013 19:51

Based on what has happened so far Prammy, what I would do is try to keep the channel of communication open between you and the school and stay in touch with the school.
As others have already suggested, don't make contact with the other parents, the reason being is that these incidents took place during school time and the school seems to be dealing with it.

Best of luck in getting it sorted

TapselteerieO · 19/03/2013 20:21

I would make it very clear to the school that you want to know what is happening, without waiting for an incident like this to spur them into action! They need to be open with you from now on, so you can trust them to look after your ds properly.

Really hope everything settles down for your ds. For the other child to do what he did, I think he needs closer supervision, especially at break time when things might go unseen by adults!

cumfy · 19/03/2013 21:50

I don't feel the school are on top of this at all.

If he is acting like this toward DS, there must be other aspects of his behaviour which are setting off flags.

Did you notice anything at the party ?

PrammyMammy · 19/03/2013 21:59

The boys were all well behaved at the party.
There were just the 7 of them, my
Niece and my ds we went bowling and then lunch. There was not a single worry throughout the day. The wee boys mum also seemed really normal and nice.

I will make sure I know what's going on by asking ds every day and my husband will remind him every morning.

OP posts:

Flojobunny · 19/03/2013 23:37

Sorry but why on earth are you still sending your son to this school?
The head teacher sounds inexperienced. She contradicts herself, yesterday she said she went in to the toilets herself and today she tells you she wasn't even in school else she would have sent your DS home. It's been going on 6 months and this is the first you heard of it?
Sorry, but what are you thinking? Find him a better school where he doesn't get bullied and the teachers are on the ball and inform you of any incidents.

Glup · 20/03/2013 05:39

Just seen that at least one other poster has made the point I'm about to.....

I'm a CP officer and this incident would definitely have set off alarm bells. We would certainly have spoken to social services about the other little boy....but would be completely unable to tell you that we had done so.

Two incidents would spark a lot of concerns.

bangwhizz · 20/03/2013 07:45

The other interpretation might be that your DS is deliberately refusing to vacate the toilet when he doesn't need it, and knows that this boy does.That would explain the other boy yanking him off and also the boy's (misguided) decision to wee on your DS ratehr than weeing hios own pants.

ilovecolinfirth · 20/03/2013 07:48

Poor poor boy. You need to really kick up a fuss. X

Jelly15 · 20/03/2013 08:35

Reading between the lines it sounds as though wee boy is bullying your son. In past experience when my DS was attacked by another lad the school said it was six of one half a dozen of the other. then two weeks later the bully put another boy in hospital and was expelled, we are talking about 7 and 8 year olds. All too often schools try to brush bullying under the carpet as it is seen as a black mark the on the school.

DesperatelyChasingBloodyDog · 20/03/2013 09:24

bangwhizz surel that is not the only cubicle available.
Wee boy can use the urinals as well.

SneakyNinja · 20/03/2013 09:34

I agree with jelly15 There is a very strong possibility that the school are brushing off these incidents as the boys 'clashing' rather than dealing with them with the appropriate magnitude. So far I've heard about your son being weed on, pushed off the toilet ( and punished for it?!) and having his coat ripped. These do not sound like equal arguments. I would raise merry hell in your situation!

OxfordBags · 20/03/2013 09:39

Bangwhizz, your post is bizarre! Talk about victim-blaming, sheesh. The OP has already stated, more than once, that there are urinals and several cubicles in the toilets the incidents occured in.

Furthermore, even if there was one cubicle and nothing else, and the OP's son was refusing to vacate it, it would not be a satisfactory explanation of why it happened. It would still be aggressive and worryingly odd that the other boy's solution was to piss on the other child. It just wouldn't be the first thought - or any thought at all - of a well-balanced child. It is not 'misguided', it is extreme, alarming, threatening, humiliating and vaguely sexual.

PissesGlitter · 20/03/2013 09:53

The head was not on school to deal with this incident
She was the one who caught wee boy

This does not make sense to me

ScreamingFoxtrots · 20/03/2013 09:58

Has your son done anything to this other boy? If he hasn't then I wouldn't be at all satisfied with the "they just clash" explanation you've been given. It does sound, from what you've said, that the other boy is bullying your son - and even at 5 he should be learning that not getting on with someone doesn't give you the right to abuse them.

It sounds like the school are saying it's six of one and half a dozen of the other. From what you've said it looks like a dozen of one and none of the other.

OxfordBags · 20/03/2013 10:08

Even if her son had picked on the other boy, it doesn't justify him pissing on him!

MrsSpagBol · 20/03/2013 10:19

Kerstina - are you actually kidding me?!

"The boy who did it had he had not seen the boy. The toilets were dark and the boy was black "

Are you trying to say that a black child would not be VISIBLE?!

ARE YOU MAD?

OxfordBags · 20/03/2013 10:24

I missed that, SpagBol WTAF?!

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MrsSpagBol · 20/03/2013 10:26

can't breathe re Kerstina's INVISIBLE BLACK CHILDREN comment!

DangerousBeanz · 20/03/2013 10:32

Kerstina
I can't believe you actually put that!!

OP So sorry for your DS, Keep monitoring the situation and don't let the school think you have forgotten about it.

RooneyMara · 20/03/2013 10:35

'It was the head teacher who called me today at work and dealt with it as from what I can gather it happened at lunch time.
I offered to come and collect him at the time but they said he was fine now. '

and now she says she wasn't in yesterday or would have sent him home?

Can you clarify OP?

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