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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think having a wedding on a Thursday is a bit ... well, inconsiderate

259 replies

sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 19:53

I know, I know, I know, it's their wedding, they should have it however and whenever they want it. Of course they should.

But because we live 4 hours away, it's taking DS1 out of school for 2 days and 2 days holiday for DH. Of course, we will go (it's my SIL), I just wish it had been on a Saturday, or even a Friday (which would have been just one day off).

OP posts:
thistlelicker · 10/03/2013 19:55

Why should somebody's special day revolve around others! Many reasons why she may need to have it that day? Money? Perhaps only day they can get off! Stop being selfish! If u. Can't go explain to them why I'm sure they understand

Mandy21 · 10/03/2013 19:56

I know I'll get slated for this but yes, I think its quite selfish to be honest (unless there are specific circumstances which means couple have no choice) but if its just because they get a cheaper deal, then I think its cheeky.

flangledoodle · 10/03/2013 19:57

U

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 19:57

Thistlelicker - there is no way SIL will understand at all if I even suggest we cut it short / travel back Thursday night, to enable DS to get to school Friday / DH to go to work.

The expectation is that we will go.

OP posts:
Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 19:59

And believe me, I was so excited about going, really looking forward to it. But now I just feel a bit forced because I'm having to take DS out of school, which is something I wouldn't do unless a real emergency.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 10/03/2013 19:59

it's a wedding

it will be a one off

i don't think it;s a big deal in the slightest

if it was on a Saturday you would have had to have taken the Friday off to get there so this is a case of an extra day

it's your SIL - family

YABU

CocacolaMum · 10/03/2013 19:59

We got married on a Tuesday in July. It was our 10 year anniversary. We had quite a small wedding and 2 people cancelled as they had to work but everyone important was there and we would have understood if they couldn't have been. The bargains we got because it was a Tuesday were AWESOME too. I would do it again. You know, with the same bloke lol

Maebe · 10/03/2013 19:59

I don't think it is selfish, but I feel your pain. If you decide to have your wedding not on a weekend, or in another country/the other side of the country, then you should be very aware that many of your guests won't be able to come. I tend to think that people decide what's important: having all the guests there, or having the 'right' venue and event. It's the idea of a wedding as an event that often causes people to have a wedding on a week day, because that's cheaper. If they want as many of their friends and family to attend as possible, they'd throw it somewhere accessible to most people, and on a weekend.

But really YABU, as it is their choice. But they can enjoy half the guests not being able to make it Wink

cookielove · 10/03/2013 20:00

Oh dear, YABextremelyU this wedding isn't about you, regardless of their reasons for it being on a Thursday it's their choice, just as it is your choice not to go.

I would have loved to have my wedding on a Friday as it would have been £2000 cheaper, but for the convenience of my family and friends i had it on a Sat, turns out several friends couldn't come as there were several other weddings and family occasions on that day they couldn't miss.

canyou · 10/03/2013 20:00

Reasons to have a weekday wedding COST, much cheaper I mean hundreds of pounds cheaperfor them to book a function room on a week day
Give DC a day off school Wink
only day/time registrar was available thinking of DB who's wedding was 9am on a tue morning
Gives everyone a genuine gripe about the wedding I love how they have saved you having to think about something to complain about
Fills pages and pages of MN
Grin
How bored am I Blush
Hope you have a great day

rubyslippers · 10/03/2013 20:00

of course the expectation is that you will go surely?! it's your SIL

i'd be excited about this - is there something more to this?

it's 2 days not a 2 week jaunt to the caribbean

Christelle2207 · 10/03/2013 20:01

I suspect they will save a lot of money that way. We just couldnt get a Saturday unless we wanted to wait 2 years, and settled for a friday so people did have to take a day off and I have myself taken a few Fridays off for weddings. But have been invited to ones midweek (which would have needed 2 days off because miles away) and have to admit I didn't go.

I think taking two days out of school for two days is a big ask. We had a lot of teachers coming to ours, so at least we chose a school holiday Friday!

Jengnr · 10/03/2013 20:01

It really annoys me that people are branded selfish for having their wedding how they want it. It's their fucking wedding.

roalddahl · 10/03/2013 20:01

I was invited to a Thursday wedding. I think it was because it was cheaper for them. Would have meant me and DH taking 2 days' leave each to attend as it was 100 miles away. So I said I couldn't get the time off and we didn't go. Their choice to have it on a Thursday. I chose not to go!

Rhubarbgarden · 10/03/2013 20:04

Yabu. Don't go if you don't want to. End of.

SparkleSoiree · 10/03/2013 20:04

Yabu.

It's their day, their money and I'm sure they considered the fact that a weekday wedding may mean more guests wont be able to attend. It's very unreasonable to expect somebody to book a wedding on a certain day because its more convenient for their guests when there is no guarantee that all guests will attend anyway.

wigglesrock · 10/03/2013 20:04

So they should arrange their wedding around your children? Are there other children going?

Inertia · 10/03/2013 20:05

Doesn't matter what their expectations are - to trot out an MN favourite, it 's an invitation not a court summons. You can decline, or accept and stay for as long as you can manage. I couldn't get time off work to go to my brother's wedding (was abroad though).

CocacolaMum · 10/03/2013 20:05

Our thinking was that a lot of people work on a Saturday anyway and it was the school hols so our teacher friends were guaranteed not to be working. There were very very few people who found it a PITA

NightmareSpoon · 10/03/2013 20:06

Difficult one.

Of course it's up to them when they have their wedding.

But nethertheless it would annoy me as:

a) DH and I have to save all our annual leave to cover school holidays.

b) it would be difficult to pull kids out of school for things like this, unless you're prepared to lie and say they're sick. At my DDs school it would go down as an unauthorised absence (but they're strict due to high rates of absence).

Hulababy · 10/03/2013 20:06

It is not selfish to have your wedding whenever, wherever and how ever you like.

It is, however, selfish to expect everyone to put themselves out in order to attend, or to expect people to do so and to be upset if people won't.

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 20:07

I'm not saying they're selfish. I don't think they are. People should have weddings as and when they want.
I'm asking if it's inconsiderate. We are expected to go and we will go. I just feel a bit, I don't know, resentful. But I guess IABU then.

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 10/03/2013 20:08

I think Friday weddings are ok, but I agree that any other day of the working week is quite inconsiderate.

Mandy21 · 10/03/2013 20:08

But on the assumption that there are no other reasons for having it on a Thursday, they're doing it simply to save money for themselves - to the inconvenience / cost of their guests. I think asking people to take 2 days off, especially if they have children and there is an expectation that they will take them out of school for 2 days, just to save money is not something I'd be comfortable with.

Guntie · 10/03/2013 20:10

Massively inconsiderate.

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