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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think having a wedding on a Thursday is a bit ... well, inconsiderate

259 replies

sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 19:53

I know, I know, I know, it's their wedding, they should have it however and whenever they want it. Of course they should.

But because we live 4 hours away, it's taking DS1 out of school for 2 days and 2 days holiday for DH. Of course, we will go (it's my SIL), I just wish it had been on a Saturday, or even a Friday (which would have been just one day off).

OP posts:
Shoppinglist · 10/03/2013 20:53

Your friends maybe but what about your family? My Great Aunt Maud would practically write to the local paper she would be so outraged Grin

ravenAK · 10/03/2013 20:53

sorry, YAdefinitelyNOTBU! Typing fail!

DontmindifIdo · 10/03/2013 20:53

no, you can all drive up together, I'm sure someone in your family/friends will dump him at the nearest train station and he can make his own way back...

Or you compromise of making a long weekend out of it? Is it a nice part of the world? Nice hotel, stay until Sunday to make that long drive and taking all the stuff for 2 DCs worth it...

landofsoapandglory · 10/03/2013 20:54

We got married on the Thursday before Easter. We did it for a variety of reasons. Firstly, DH is in the Forces and he was posted and there was an issue with dates and leave, and it was one of the few dates we could get where he could have a few days off following it.

Secondly, my parents have a business and Saturday is their busiest day, so they would have lost a heck of a lot of money to have closed it on that day. We always sort of knew that when we came to get married we would get married on a weekday. My brother has since got married on a Wednesday and my Sister a Friday.

TBH, when we arranged our wedding we did it to suit us, my parents and PILs first and foremost. If anyone else came it was a bonus.

PavlovtheCat · 10/03/2013 20:55

come on lets face it, weddings, for some of you lot, are just a fucking pain in the ass full stop.
Costs childcare
Costs us a day's leave
Costs us a day's pay
Takes too long to get there
I work at the weekend and they know that, should have had it on mondays, i have that day off
They have not invited my children
They have children going and I hate children at weddings
Have to pay for hotel with our hard earned cash and we could go on holiday with that
Have to buy a present and they live together they have toasters
They have written a silly poem asking for money
They have a list from House of Fraser
They don't have a list and I don't know what to buy
They have invited someone I don't like

Jeez. a) go, stop moaning and enjoy yourself. If you chose this option you children will not end up stupid due to missing two days of school b) don't go, live with the consequences of not going to a close family's wedding. Your children will unlikely become geniuses for not missing two days of school.

They are not inconsiderate to choose a wedding day they want! It's their fucking wedding! It's their money they are spending/saving, and they obviously hoped their family would do whatever it took to ensure they would make their day special, not bitch about it.

Because, let's face it, you are pissed off about it, but you won't say it to her, you will buy a nice present, dress up, smile and tell her how wonderful it was to be there.

DontmindifIdo · 10/03/2013 20:56

Oh yes, factor in a childminder in the room for the evening do - it'll be about £8 an hour for someone to sit with them while you're downstairs joining the party - it's going to be v expensive either way, driving back makes more sense.

dashoflime · 10/03/2013 20:56

shoppinglist My Nana actually kicked off on an unrelated issue. She was upset that she didn't get a button hole. She tried to give me the silent treatment but I didn't notice. I just thought her hearing aid wasn't switched on!

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 20:57

DH is annoyed with me and he thinks it's a "non issue". He says he knows I've got principles, but that it is a one-off. He also says we moved away from his family, so we need to suck it up.

But then he's also said he could go by himself, or I take the kids back in the evening or we all go back in the evening. He's asked me to make the decision. I've told him it isn't my decision to make. It's his family and therefore he should be the one to have the final say.

I'm going to just have to grin and bare it. It isn't worth arguing with DH over, even if I massively disagree with staying for the Friday too!

OP posts:
Snazzynewyear · 10/03/2013 20:58

'It's their money their are spending/saving' but Pavlov, as many other posters have said, it's not only their money that's being spent.

PavlovtheCat · 10/03/2013 20:58

Grin and bare it? So, you don't actually like her very much then?

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 10/03/2013 20:59

I think YABU really, your DS will not miss much if he is off an extra day, it is a wedding, a happy time, a special day and you just sound a bit mardy tbh.

PavlovtheCat · 10/03/2013 20:59

snazzy of course it is! OP doesn't have to go. And she has just said her DH is willing to go on his own. And he is not moaning/unhappy about it.

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 21:00

TBH yellow, I feel a bit mardy at the moment Wink that's why I posted on AIBU, but I've pretty much got half / half responses so not sure either way

OP posts:
PavlovtheCat · 10/03/2013 21:01

and let's face it, going to a wedding costs money whatever day it is - present, staying overnight at a hotel for a weekend costs more than a weekday usually, travel costs if it is far away, childcare in the evening if that's your thing will cost whatever day it is, new outfit if you want one costs the same whether on a thursday or saturday.

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 21:02

Pavlov - I do get on OK with the in-laws, and I was really looking forward to going, genuinely.
I meant 'grin and bare it' as in bare taking 2 days off for it, not the day itself.

OP posts:
Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 21:02

Outfits is also a black and white theme for all, so I have to get DH / mine / 2 boys and 8 month old baby black / white outfits for the day.
But seriously, that is my only other gripe.

OP posts:
YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 10/03/2013 21:03

What 'principles' do you mean? not taking your DS out of school? For a massive family occasion? You now sound like you are just trying to make a fuss.

Yes, it would be exceedingly mean not to go, your dh is the bride's only sibling.

twooter · 10/03/2013 21:03

It's a wedding. May be one of many for you as a guest, but the only one for your sil as a bride. Remember how special it is when it's yours, and be happy for her.

It's 2 days off school. That's what your dc would have for a runny poo. Don't stress it as its a one-off. How old is your dc?

TrippingTheLifeFantastic · 10/03/2013 21:03

Well it's good to know that I was inconsiderate when I got married on a Thursday 10 years ago! Hmm

The wedding is about the bride and groom and no on else. Dh and I were broke and saved a huge amount of money by getting married on a Thursday. It is not inconsiderate - not everyone has buckets of money to throw at one day so they do the best they can with the cash they have. It is inconsiderate of YOU to be upset by their choices.

PavlovtheCat · 10/03/2013 21:04

oh black and white theme is perfect for me, that's all I have Grin I went to a wedding reception yesterday actually and wore back and white, very coordinated.

ApocalypseThen · 10/03/2013 21:04

Well, I'm getting married on a Friday - it was the only date we could get both the venue and the church. I hope people are able to come, although I fully accept that some won't. But the ones that do, I hope none come with such resentfulness and bad grace. Really, I'd prefer to only have those who want to come there.

jamdonut · 10/03/2013 21:05

I went to a Thursday Wedding, which was 300 miles away. We were lucky it was in the school holidays (bride,DH's neice, is a teacher) so (as a TA) I was able to go without any trouble, as were my children.
We took it as a week's holiday (Saturday to Saturday) in a nearby caravan park ,thereby killing several birds with one stone! The expensive bit was getting taxis to and from the event.
The reason for having it on the Thursday was that the venue she wanted was a huge amount cheaper, and only available on that date during school holidays. The majority of family went (and it was not child-free!) and stayed either at the venue or nearby.It was a lovely day, and we had a beautiful Scottish holiday into the bargain.

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 10/03/2013 21:05

However, I have 'principles' about not buying themed outfits, maybe I am mardy too!

Snazzynewyear · 10/03/2013 21:05

If you're not going to be drinking much (not to say you can't but I know I wasn't with an 8 month old) then I woul definitely think about staying till middle of the evening (8/9pm) then driving back with the kids. Will save money on the babysitter, and possibly on a hotel room if your DH can share or get a single. Then at least you have been at the wedding itself and quite a bit of the reception.

landofsoapandglory · 10/03/2013 21:05

I'm with Pavlov.

The OP will still have to spend the money regardless of the day of the week the wedding is on. The distance they have to travel won't change if it was on a Saturday. It strikes me that the OP is looking for an excuse not to go.

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