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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think having a wedding on a Thursday is a bit ... well, inconsiderate

259 replies

sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 19:53

I know, I know, I know, it's their wedding, they should have it however and whenever they want it. Of course they should.

But because we live 4 hours away, it's taking DS1 out of school for 2 days and 2 days holiday for DH. Of course, we will go (it's my SIL), I just wish it had been on a Saturday, or even a Friday (which would have been just one day off).

OP posts:
Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 20:10

It is a financial reason.
I have no clue how the school will respond - are they likely to authorise it?

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 10/03/2013 20:12

Does your son need to go? If you're concerned about him missing school, could he skip it? I've worked weekends and my husband does shift work as do lots of our friends so any day of the week could mean taking annual leave.

rubyslippers · 10/03/2013 20:12

we applied to our DS's school for time off for a family wedding

they authorised it without a problem

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 20:12

We will go, we both want to go and see them get married.
Funny how this seems to split opinions!

OP posts:
Trills · 10/03/2013 20:13

YANBU. It is inconsiderate.

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 20:13

SIL would not be happy if our DS didn't go. It would cause WW3.

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 10/03/2013 20:14

I know it is their day and lots cheaper during the week, but I think that the total cost of a wedding including the cost to guests should be considered. A day off work can cost guests either lost wages or a lost day of holiday resulting in childcare costs in the school holiday when they would normally take their leave.

louschmoo · 10/03/2013 20:14

I think it's fair enough for them to plan to for a Thursday to save money. But it's totally not on for them to then be difficult or resentful if people can't go or leave early. They planned it at a time which is difficult for working people and kids to go - they have to accept that some people will be less than enthusiastic about taking the time off.

CloudsAndTrees · 10/03/2013 20:14

If it would cause WW3 if your ds didn't go, she shouldn't have booked her wedding on a school day!

Is she usually very selfish?

Annunziata · 10/03/2013 20:15

YANBU, it is inconsiderate.

NightmareSpoon · 10/03/2013 20:15

Depends on your school sheep. I have asked for similar reasons and they wouldn't, but like I say they're strict due to high rates of absence.

Trills · 10/03/2013 20:15

Since I have been with DP his family have managed to have weddings n a Friday, a Monday and a Thursday. None of these were bank holidays.

All other weddings that we have been invited to have been on a non-working day, followed by another non-working day (if you work Mon-Fri and have bank holidays off).

I think this falls under the same category as child-free weddings - you can choose to do it if you like but then you should not be allowed to be miffed when people say that they will not come.

IslaMann · 10/03/2013 20:17

In getting married in a Thursday, in 3.5 weeks time. We're having it on that day as, quite frankly, it's 2.5k cheaper than on a Saturday, which means we're able to pay for it ourselves without resorting to either a bank loan or parents. Our family and friends love us enough to be happy we're marrying and understand our reasons. Maybe your family member hoped the same?

Maebe · 10/03/2013 20:17

Honestly, I'd start WW3 if anyone told me I had to, or expected me to, take my DC out of school.

tabulahrasa · 10/03/2013 20:19

I hate weekday weddings - we can't afford to lose a day's wages on top of normal attending wedding expenses.

Then I feel bad about resenting it or sad because I couldn't go and I live weddings.

So I think yanbu

Sunnysummer · 10/03/2013 20:19

Seem to be the only one here... But I think YANB very U - this year we've already had 2 weekday weddings and a destination wedding, all chosen primarily to save lots of money for the couple in question, but which ended up costing so many guests far more in days of annual leave, baby sitting costs, travel etc.

Agree that it's different if for example many of the wedding party need to work on weekends or if the location was deeply meaningful and somehow unavailable on weekends (or in the case of a destination wedding, is overseas), but often it just feels like a way for the bride to have a celebrity wedding at half price, guests be damned.

The 'optional guest' bit also doesn't really apply for family weddings, unless your families are a lot more tolerant than ours.

Weekday weddings are a horrible trend and should definitely be squashed.

tabulahrasa · 10/03/2013 20:20

I love weddings, obviously I don't know how I'd live weddings...wander round in a dress trying to grab random flowers maybe? Lol

ENormaSnob · 10/03/2013 20:22

It is a massive pita.

I imagine it would cost lots of people both financially and inconveniently.

I would begrudgingly go for a very close friend or sibling but other than that would decline.

Anyone that books a wedding for a thursday then creates a drama when people can't attend is a nob.

Picturesinthefirelight · 10/03/2013 20:23

Dh is a teacher. There is no way he could attend a weekday wedding no matter who it was.

Then again I work Saturdays in term time and am also not allowed the time off.

Squinkie · 10/03/2013 20:23

Aren't they just transferring the cost onto everyone else?

MidniteScribbler · 10/03/2013 20:24

I agree with you. If it's so important to her that you are in attendance, then she shouldn't expect you to have to take days off and take your child out of school.

But people can have weddings whenever and whereever they choose. But they also don't have the right to get snotty when someone else doesn't think that it's a priority to take time off work/spend a fortune on babysitters/travel/etc.

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 20:27

DH is on the phone to her now.
I am going to see what the school say tomorrow.
I'm tempted to see about driving back on the evening / through the night. Then at least we're going for the day and DS can go to school on the Friday (although he'll probably be exhausted).
I wonder how many people will stay late into the Thursday evening do anyway.
Trouble is, DH has only one sibling and parents, no other family. I know SIL will lay on the guilt trip to DH if we don't go for the full schebang. I can overhear it now!!

OP posts:
dashoflime · 10/03/2013 20:29

YABU

Have you seen the cost of wedding venues on a weekend? Loads of people do it on a weekday to save money. That said, if you go for a weekday wedding, you need to be prepared for some people not making it.

Mine was on a Wednesday. This is because my Dad works at weekends and when I told him I was engaged his first reaction was "Well I suppose if you have it on a Wednesday I'll be able to come"

When He'd had time to think about it- he did realise he'd been a bit of a selfish and took it back but by then we'd checked prices, noticed the difference and Wednesday it was!

EasilyBored · 10/03/2013 20:33

It's only inconsiderate if most of your guests have children and 9-5 jobs. Could it be that lots of their guests work in the kind of jobs where it is difficult to take a weekend off?

And to be honest I don't think it's that much of a pain. Hotels might be cheaper as well.

raisah · 10/03/2013 20:34

My brother got married 2 years ago in a beautiful manor house on a Thursday. They could only afford to get married there because of the £4,000 discount offered if the wedding took place during the week. Friday to Sunday is regarded as peak wedding time so venues charge more for the privelige of getting married during the weekend.