To think having a wedding on a Thursday is a bit ... well, inconsiderate

[sheeplikessleep]

I know, I know, I know, it's their wedding, they should have it however and whenever they want it. Of course they should.

But because we live 4 hours away, it's taking DS1 out of school for 2 days and 2 days holiday for DH. Of course, we will go (it's my SIL), I just wish it had been on a Saturday, or even a Friday (which would have been just one day off).

This is your issue rather than hers. So she'll go mental, so what? Be an adult and make your own decisions.

Can I just say I hate midweek weddings.

Cheaper for the bride and groom but much more hassle for 90% of guests. Just pick a cheaper venue if you can't afford it at a weekend.

If you book a midweek wedding, people will complain and bitch behind your back.

DH goes on his own. Job done. If she kicks off, explain she's booked a day you can't go, if she'd talked to you first, you'd have told her. She didn't think to ask.

Many hotels, especially premier inns and similar, are more expensive during the week because people use them for work and they can charge business rates.

inconsiderate.

she expects you to be there yet expects your dh to take precious holiday and your ds to miss school. big ask in my book.

i'm still bitter about having to take a day's holiday, buy dress, hire car, buy ridiculous present from unbelievably expensive wedding list to go to a work colleague's wedding. they got divorced 2 years later. i felt like asking for my bloody pasta dishes back.

YANBU. Of course people can have their wedding whenever they want, but it is inconsiderate in that they haven't considered the needs of their guests, even close family.

My SIL is getting married this summer and when she was discussing initial plans, DH told her that if they chose a weekday, we wouldn't be able to make it (he's a teacher). She was a bit grumpy as she thought we should move heaven & earth for her wedding, but it was just a fact, and they have organised it on a weekend now.

I think getting married on a Thursday is up to the bride and groom. As long as they accept that whether or not people take annual leave/kids out of school to attend is entirely up the guests.

Therefore laying on a massive guilt trip to guests who don't want to do that is inconsiderate.

Sis planned her wedding for a particular day and I said would she mind if teacher DH didn't come as he couldn't take the time off school. So she changed the day as she wanted him to come.

I don't think people should say it's important to them that certain guests attend but then expect to do it exactly the way they want to without considering those guests. Yes it's their wedding, but they don't get to dictate what other people do.

"Cheaper for the bride and groom but much more hassle for 90% of guests. Just pick a cheaper venue if you can't afford it at a weekend.

If you book a midweek wedding, people will complain and bitch behind your back."

I put the price difference behind the bar. My guest did not bitch. because they were so fucking spannered

*guests plural that should be. Not that many people failed to make it!

When we got married we checked availability if immediate family (parents & siblings) before we booked.

We want for the Sunday if a bank holiday weekend.

So DH has got off the phone and said SIL sounds really upset.
DH thinks IABU too, so we will go. It's his sisters wedding and his decision.
Doesn't stop me thinking it's a PITA though! I'll also have an 8 month old by then, so I will be sat in the hotel room with the kids thinking why did we stay.
DH thinks IABU to want to leave 8pm'ish on the wedding evening, when everyone will still be there.

Dashoflime I would bet a large amount of money that at least one of your guests no actually most had a moan with work colleagues/family/random bloke at the bus stop about your midweek wedding.

I'm sure they had a lovely time once they were there but they will still have had a good old moan.

Compromise, he helps you put the DCs in the car, you drive back at 8pm (they will sleep on the journey back) he can stay over if he can find someone to share a room with him?

ok if you're going to go, go and have a really good time. take a pram that your 8mo can lie down in and put him to bed in the pram. party into the night. have a good time. lots of family there to help you keep an eye on him. don't go and sit in a hotel room on your own. you will resent EVERYONE and just be pissed off.

Yes, it is inconsiderate. As has been said, it's transferring the cost onto your guests. The majority of people still work Thursday and Fridays so it can be effectively asking people to lose a day's wages or use leave they had planned to use covering school holidays etc. Of course couples should get to choose when they want to have their wedding, but they shouldn't be ignorant of the consequences for their guests. It is definitely nobbish behaviour to have a weekday wedding in this fashion and then kick off if people find they can't attend or can't afford to.

I was involved in a wedding guest debacle last year where a number of us who were (we thought) close friends of one of the couple marrying got invited to the evening do only, midweek, with the venue at least two hours away and more like 4/5 hours for most people. Kids not invited either. They seemed surprised when people weren't bowled over by that level of invitation, which was still going to require at least 1.5 days off work/school, hotel room cost, gift cost etc in return for getting to drink with them at the evening reception. Genuinely didn't see this as a problem for anyone.

I hate the "it's so much cheaper to have it mid week on a tropical island" crap. Yeah, cheaper for the bride and groom perhaps, because the guests are the ones who have to make up the price difference in their holiday/travel/childcare costs.

"Dashoflime I would bet a large amount of money that at least one of your guests no actually most had a moan with work colleagues/family/random bloke at the bus stop about your midweek wedding.

I'm sure they had a lovely time once they were there but they will still have had a good old moan."

My friends are extremely well accustomed to midweek drinking. It would have been nothing new to them.

I'm tempted DontmindifIdo, I really am.

I am going to see how I feel about it nearer the time, but it is a 200 mile journey and it's not the driving that puts me off (I drive a lot with work and in the evening / night), it's doing it with 3 kids including an 8 month old.
It's also the cost then that we'd have to take 2 cars up with us.

YABU - I've had to turn down rather a lot of wedding invites (another teacher - people can be as narked as they like, I. Am. Just. Not. Allowed) & wouldn't be taking ds out of school for more than one day.

Early departure & back for school/work Friday sounds like an excellent compromise. She'd definitely BVU to object given that you guys are the ones staying sober/driving through the night/staggering off to work exhausted next day.

Agh, bloody weddings, bloody families

My SIL got married miles away in the middle of the week. I just didn't go. I had work commitments.

Yes, if you are going to have to go, get a babysitter (point out the cost of this to your DH) - I would say ask family who are also there, but I think you said there weren't many of you. It is a PITA, you're right. I hope they don't expect an expensive gift!

I should add- the registry office and reception were quite small- very close friends and family only.

The remainder of the guests were effectively being asked to come across town and drain the free bar on a school night. This they had no problem with.