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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think having a wedding on a Thursday is a bit ... well, inconsiderate

259 replies

sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 19:53

I know, I know, I know, it's their wedding, they should have it however and whenever they want it. Of course they should.

But because we live 4 hours away, it's taking DS1 out of school for 2 days and 2 days holiday for DH. Of course, we will go (it's my SIL), I just wish it had been on a Saturday, or even a Friday (which would have been just one day off).

OP posts:
thistlelicker · 10/03/2013 21:38

Isn't a wedding initially about the bride and groom!?? If u care about friendships isn't it a unwritten rule to accommodate such events?

thistlelicker · 10/03/2013 21:44

Don't know if its been mentioned but seeing as your getting authorisation from school! Why don't u take photies and get your ds to write about his trip and his experiences and give it to the teacher as a mini project?

Knowsabitabouteducation · 10/03/2013 21:49

We were married on a Thursday.

We booked that day because of finances, but it turned out really well. Half of our guests were coming from the USA and Canada, so they could come from one weekend to the next and just take one week off work. The local guests didn't seem to have a problem given that they all showed up.

Everyone just assumed that our choice of day was to accommodate the North Americans and realised this was actually quite important and something to put ahead of their own inconvenience.

StuntGirl · 10/03/2013 21:50

I like the assumption that everyone would prefer a weekend wedding and the couple are shitheads for choosing anything else.

I work weekends. A lot of my friends do too, in various job/sectors. My parents business is at its busiest on weekends too.

Weekends aren't some magical perfect time for everyone!

Llareggub · 10/03/2013 21:56

What will you do if the school says no?

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 10/03/2013 22:00

The school can't say no, they can just refuse to authorise. But family weddings are usually authorised.

If the school don't authorise, it just gets marked as unauthorised. Which means naff all.

Sunnysummer · 10/03/2013 22:18

It's a bit funny to hear people like pixiegumboot getting angry at OP and others for 'being selfish' about having to take time out for a weekday wedding... Surely it's actually the bride and groom who think the world revolves around them in many of these cases? It's not enough to say that guests have a choice not to come - of course you want to support your friends and family on such a big day.

But when people say that they saved 5 grand by having it on wednesday, it's a bit shocking - you can have an entire wedding at the local registry office or church followed by a smaller local venue for not much more than that, if money is really tight, and have an awesome day! And do these couples ever add up how much it is costing each guest by the time you've covered travel, days off and gifts (plus for some babysitting, and in my recent case a 'non-optional' £300 bridesmaid dress)?

My friends and I love going to each others' weddings, but we are getting frustrated after using nearly half our annual leave and most of our annual travel and holiday budgets to do it. Still think that unless there is a great reason like the army families above, YANBU....

SingSongMummy · 10/03/2013 22:33

YANBU. I wouldn't go. I totally agree that it is their special day, but if couples are so keen to save themselves money, they shouldn't expect family/friends to be able to attend. It's perfectly possible to find a cheaper weekend solution if they really want to!

Snazzynewyear · 10/03/2013 22:38

sunnysummer totally agree, plus I love the irony of pixie posting about what a waste of time discussing any of this is, but still spending time on contributing that opinion herself, adding to the total amount of time wasted (for her) on the whole thing.

So you had to pay £300 for your bridesmaid dress? If so, that's exactly what I mean about (as another poster said) transferring the cost to others. It's becoming increasingly the case and I don't like it. If I wanted £300 bridesmaid dresses I would have felt obliged to pay myself; I wouldn't have expected others to fork out that unless they were Kate Middleton or similar.

Yfronts · 10/03/2013 22:44

I do think it's up to the bride and groom but also think it's a bit selfish if people are coming from afar and having to use holiday time. A Friday would have been much better for some.

simplesusan · 11/03/2013 00:02

It is not selfish to have your wedding whenever, wherever and how ever you like.

It is, however, selfish to expect everyone to put themselves out in order to attend, or to expect people to do so and to be upset if people won't.

^^

Yes I agree with this.

I think though that it will be very difficult for the op to decline the invite, seeing as though it is her dp's sister who is getting married. Therefore YANBU.

My dd's school would not authorise 2 days holiday for this, so it would leave me in an awkward position.

midastouch · 11/03/2013 00:16

It is a bit selfish they must know they will have less people attending, its a lot cheaper though

GreenEggsAndNichts · 11/03/2013 00:24

Take a deep breath, get DS out of school and enjoy the wedding. I agree, it's an inconvenience, but you say yourself you're obliged to go and indeed were even looking forward to it. Taking your son out of school for a couple of days will mean nothing in the scheme of things.

I do understand how you feel, btw. I think it's unreasonable of them- if they wanted to save money, they should have found another way of doing it. I'm sure some other expenses could have been cut.

But for your own sanity, just go and enjoy yourself. :)

MidniteScribbler · 11/03/2013 02:38

I went to a Friday night wedding once and it was fantastic. Local to most of the attendees, plenty on the bar, and a great night. No one had to leave work more than an hour or so earlier, and got the weekend to recover. Not a problem. But having a Thursday wedding at an away venue to save yourself money, but which requires guests to take days off work (which may not be paid), travel expenses, overnight accommodation, and a special outfit is just being bride and groomzillas. If you want to do that, then fine, but don't get your knickers in a knot when people decline for very valid reasons. While it may be the most important day of YOUR lives, it's not for the guests, and why should they be forced to go without in other areas to make up the shortfall in your budget for your dream wedding?

MummytoKatie · 11/03/2013 07:01

We went to a Wednesday wedding once. It was a bit of a pain but it was close to the in laws (who were also going) so we turned it into a long weekend. Dd was only 4 months at the time though so no school problems.

It was a bit galling when the marriage lasted less than a year though...

Actually thinking about it I've been to 2 weddings where the marriage lasted less than a year (out of about 20 before anyone thinks it's my fault!) Both involved serious amounts of hassle to get there. Not sure what that means. Maybe that if a marriage works you remember the loveliness of the day but if it doesn't then you remember the hassle!

aufaniae · 11/03/2013 07:07

A friend of mine got married on a Wednesday at 3 weeks notice!

bouncysmiley · 11/03/2013 07:09

Thursday's the new Friday - didn't you know?

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 11/03/2013 07:18

I'm a bit shocked anyone would consider it 'galling' when a marriage doesn't last - what about sad for the couple involved?!?

Iheartcrunchiebars · 11/03/2013 07:19

Yabu we had a midweek wedding and some people. (Including very close friends) couldn't come. But we knew that could happen. But we didn't have a choice as if we'd had it on a Saturday some of our family couldn't come.

diddl · 11/03/2013 08:23

"It's his sisters wedding and his decision."

WTF??

Let him go then-and organise school & the children!

I wouldn't want to take my child out of school for a wedding & therefore wouldn't go.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 11/03/2013 08:55

As I've been reading this I've been thinking about the people at the top of my guest list where I ever to get married. About a third of them are retired, a third students/not working and a third working. The third who are working all work in jobs where weekend working is the norm and would probably find it easier to get a weekday off. So weekday weddings aren't always an inconvenience.

YANBU not to want to take your DC out of school but in this case I'd take the two days off and go and enjoy it.

Whocansay · 11/03/2013 08:56

YANBU. SIL can have her wedding midweek on the Moon if she wants, but she can't then be pissed off if people can't make it. Taking the dc out of school for this is ridiculous. Let your dh go on his own.

diddl · 11/03/2013 08:58

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks that Whocansay

Are weekday bookings only cheaper in term time?

KatAndKit · 11/03/2013 09:47

Perhaps they have done it on purpose? They feel obligated to invite certain guests but really they'd rather keep it small so they are assuming that half of their invitees will decline saying they can't get the time off work.

If you don't want to go then don't go. If they really wanted everyone there then they would have put the wedding on a Saturday or in the school holidays. I'm having mine on a Friday this year as it is actually affordable on a weekday and everywhere was already booked up for Saturdays. But it is in August so no issue with school.

They aren't asking everyone to take 2 days off. Local people will only need one day off. They are only asking some people to take 2 days off. It is up to you. I think it is a bit crap really if they don't take the needs of their close family into account I can agree with you on that aspect.

jeanmiguelfangio · 11/03/2013 10:09

We got married on a Wednesday, it was over £3000 cheaper than the weekend. We did get married in the school holidays though as most of my ILs are teachers. We changed it from our original date because it wasn't during the hols originally. However, having a weekday wedding we knew that not everyone could make it. Actually, everyone did, but we weren't expecting it.