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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think having a wedding on a Thursday is a bit ... well, inconsiderate

259 replies

sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 19:53

I know, I know, I know, it's their wedding, they should have it however and whenever they want it. Of course they should.

But because we live 4 hours away, it's taking DS1 out of school for 2 days and 2 days holiday for DH. Of course, we will go (it's my SIL), I just wish it had been on a Saturday, or even a Friday (which would have been just one day off).

OP posts:
Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 21:06

We are going to go, I'd just prefer not to take DS out of school for 2 days. I'm trying to think of a solution. I guess DH and I need to decide on the solution, or not and we just go for the Friday too.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 10/03/2013 21:07

up to them. I don't think your kids should be going on a school day -education is more important than a fancy dress party. That means of course that you can't go either.

don't see the problem in that.

weddings are NOT that important!

holmessweetholmes · 10/03/2013 21:08

I guess it's their choice, and I can certainly understand wanting to cut costs. I've never been invited to a weekday wedding - luckily, as dh and I are both teachers, so there is no way we could go if it was in term time, however much we wanted to.

PavlovtheCat · 10/03/2013 21:08

take some homework for him. recite some maths on way up and back, read some books, practice french if he does a language. He can do writing practice at breakfast the next morning/if he get's bored at the reception!

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 10/03/2013 21:09

Oh just go and enjoy yourself! Unless your DS is actually in final year of a-levels an extra day off school is really nothing to get in a sweat about.

You're going to say he's in primary aren't you? In which case take the whole week off and have a holiday.

PavlovtheCat · 10/03/2013 21:10

specialsubject of course a fancy dress wedding is as important as education! Life is not just about formal education you know, extended family and fun is hugely important.

steppyhen · 10/03/2013 21:10

i got married on a thursday, in the height of summer saved me 5 grand :) gave friends and family plenty of notice !

Snazzynewyear · 10/03/2013 21:11

Themed outfits? Oh brother Hmm

ElectricalBanana · 10/03/2013 21:12

we got married on a friday but we chose the school holidays.....as most of our family and friends are teachers.

But that was our decision....we couldve easily done so in the term time!

Picturesinthefirelight · 10/03/2013 21:13

I do have to say regardless of dh being a teacher I also wouldn't bectakingvthe dc out if school especially as doing do might heaped use dd's performing licences.

serin · 10/03/2013 21:14

Yes they have possibly been a bit inconsiderate in inconveniencing others but I expect this was totally unintentional on their behalf.

You can't not go! She is DH's sister, who grew up with him! and he will proabaly harbour resentment, the rest of his family will make sure of that.

Imagine how you would feel if one of your DC's didn't go to the others wedding.

bigfuckoffpie · 10/03/2013 21:14

YANBU - I feel your pain OP. My SIL has booked a Thursday wedding and we're about the same travel distance away from her as you are from yours, in similar circumstances. She's also gone for a venue that is several miles from the nearest town and has no accommodation on site - it almost couldn't be more hassle to go to.

I know it's their day, and everything, and I'll have to go along and make the best if it. But it is really irksome that I'm going to take two days off work, and toddler DS out of nursery, for an event that I'll have to leave early. And I don't think it would have done them any harm to be slightly more considerate to guests.

AlbertaCampion · 10/03/2013 21:15

You are most definitely NBU.

Family / close friends' weddings on weekdays irk me too: not only do most of our family live 200 miles away, but DH and I are both self-employed. So if the wedding is on a Thursday we end up taking three days out of work. It's a strain, financially - and doubly irksome because our time off is scarce. So it tends to be that one of us goes, and one of us stays.

As other posters have said, a weekday wedding is great for the couple; not so great for the guests. I have fun once I get there though. Smile

Adversecamber · 10/03/2013 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NightmareSpoon · 10/03/2013 21:16

Oh come on now, themed outfits is taking the piss surely?

I dare you to go in neon pink.

INeverSaidThat · 10/03/2013 21:17

Hoe old are you DC? If they are young'ish I wouldn't worry about skipping a couple of days as a one off. It seriously doesn't matter. It is different if they are older.

I think YABU

Original poster
sheeplikessleep · 10/03/2013 21:19

Thanks all for responding and your thoughts.

I know I'm being ABU, but I'm quite a 'black and white' person I know and it's just annoyed me (more the expectation that we will go for the whole day and evening, regardless of the fact it's a weekday). It's not major and it won't happen again, it's a one-off. There's no way we wouldn't go at all.

I know it's totally up to them what day they get wed, of course it is, it's just the feeling forced to go that is annoying and the guilt trip we / I've had tonight by us even saying "we've got to check with the school and might need to think about driving back Thursday evening, to get DS1 to school on the Friday".

Anyway, I'm exhausted, so off to bed, but will check again tomorrow - thanks again

OP posts:
SpecialAgentKat · 10/03/2013 21:20

I think SIL sounds a wee bit bridezilla if she would cause WW3 over you not bringing your son. Fine to organise your wedding at an inconvenient time, not okay to threaten family war pressure the invitees who want to be a part of your day but need to make allowances due to the day you chose.

landofsoapandglory · 10/03/2013 21:23

How old is DS1? I am sure it won't hurt him to miss 2 days from school.

My DS1 was in Yr12, and DS2 was in Yr10 when DSis got married. They both missed 1.5 days, and caught up the following week.

harasas · 10/03/2013 21:24

My brother's wedding was on a Thursday, they gave plenty of notice and I'm pretty sure everyone they wanted to come did come.
I can see how it might be annoying for the guests but as other people have said it's their wedding and I wouldn't dream of commenting on it.
Plus it will be an awful lot cheaper, which is completely understandable.
I hope you find a solution,

ELR · 10/03/2013 21:26

I got married on a Wednesday in Cornwall in January, all family live up north or in London. I worked on the theory that everyone who came wanted to come only had one person who couldn't come and that was because the had just started a new job. We were there for a whole week and all 50 guests were too it was fab!

pixiegumboot · 10/03/2013 21:28

FFS I actually am going to uninstall this app from my phone. I literally can not believe how many people have the time to be arsed with this shit. The world does not revolve around you and your kids. i actually dislike people immensely right now.

Rant over, bad day on eBay with other fuckwits who seem to think if they spend 2.99 the world revolves around them Angry

Kat101 · 10/03/2013 21:29

My DH would be going on his own. I would rather face WW3 than go and feel resentful (and face an extra £200 school holiday childcare bill to compensate for my resultant lack of annual leave).

What is the worst that will happen if you and the DC's don't go? (Apart from her having a sulky tantrum)

KentuckyFriedChildren · 10/03/2013 21:34

I'm pretty sure we got married on a wednesday, and it was because Dh was working at the weekend. He took off 2 days from work, the actual day and the day after for the hangover :o Ours was less than 30 guests for the actual ceremony and then meeting friends at he pub for rock karaoke and nobody complained about the day. The only people who had to travel were dh's dad and his granny who came to inverness from london but they were happy to do so. I guess we were lucky. It wasn't about cost for us, our wedding cost under £500 as we weren't bothered about the day really, in fact if it hadn't been for people wanting to come, we probably would've had witnesses only I think!

pictish · 10/03/2013 21:37

Driving through the night so your son can go to school in the morning is just barmy, and digging your heels in for the sake of it. He'd be knackered setting off at 8pm, and you would look obstinate and petty by doing it. "Sorry to leave the wedding in full swing, but ds has school in the morning and it's a four hour drive...bye everyone!"
Prepare for a sea of Confused looking back at you.

Thursday is a pain in the ass day to have a wedding, particularly to those guests who live a four hour drive away, but it's just one of those things.

You can't seriously be thinking to make your dh leave his sister's wedding at 8pm for school! Come on now.