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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage ds (18) "I might bring a girl home tonight"

159 replies

marriedinwhite · 01/02/2013 20:28

DS just 18 - not had a serious girlfriend - didn't know he had one now. Just dropped him and in the car (I know, I know - he's 18 and has his own car but he's partying and he was late) he announced "I might bring a girl home tonight" I said really and where will she sleep and he said in his room. I said "I didn't know you had a girlfriend" and he said they had a bit of a thing going and I know he's had sex so what's the issue.

He took me by surprise and I said no because we don't know her, we don't know anything about her and it needs to be properly discussed with dad as well as with me. He was a bit meh said thank God he would be at uni soon but took it quite well and said thank you for the lift. I did say that if she came back with him that was fine but it was on the understanding that she slept in the guest room and he slept in his bedroom and didn't visit the guest room.

Oh bugger. What to do? He has a 14 year old sister and not sure I'm ready for this out of the blue. Fraaaaaaank are you there?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 21:57

I dunno, I have a different outlook from most of MN.

My DS is 20, This is his house too.

I hate all the your house your rules bollocks spouted on MN.

usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 21:58

I don't think my children are rude because they want to have friends over, male or female.

This is their home FFS.

Annunziata · 01/02/2013 21:59

I welcome everyone too. At the front door, for dinner and some sort of conversation. They don't traipse in at 3am and reappear at my breakfast table.

I'm quite strict though.

morethanpotatoprints · 01/02/2013 22:00

Not saying you should agree with me but I have never allowed it, dss 21 and 18.
Lol, ds 1 has girlfriend of 4 years but I make them sleep separate when she stays over.
We have dd 9 and whilst I know they have sex obviously they aren't in a partnership as such.
Ds2 hasn't got a gf but no way would he dream of announcing he was bringing a girl home.
Your house, your rules. Fair enough if you think it ok, but its your decision.

CarriedAwayAnnie · 01/02/2013 22:03

He's 18.

It's a normal thing for him to want isn't it? Sex. What did you think living with an 18yr old would be like?

defineme · 01/02/2013 22:04

This is my kids home, but I don't think things work particularly well if no ones in charge-I'm in charge and I like to know the people that stay over night. I have a duty of care to all my kids and I reserve the right to veto unknown guests of either sex.

StickEmUp · 01/02/2013 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sallyingforth · 01/02/2013 22:09

OP I think you are absolutely correct.
If this was an established girlfriend that you had met it might be different.
Could you ask your son to bring her round for a meal instead?

exoticfruits · 01/02/2013 22:11

I think it fair enough that you should get to know people before they stay over night..

CarriedAwayAnnie · 01/02/2013 22:13

'Can we have dinner together before I decide if you can have sex under my roof?'

Arf.

landofsoapandglory · 01/02/2013 22:14

Bloody hell, I had a similar conversation with DS1(18) yesterday afternoon!

I was driving (why do they wait until you are driving) back from town and he asked if I would object if he brought a "friend with benefits" back one night!Shock. I was a bit taken a back TBH, but in all reality I would prefer it if it were a steady girlfriend and told him so.

But saying that, I did say, if they had nowhere else to go, as long as she was consenting, over the age of consent and neither were off their face then I wouldn't mind, but could he leave me a sign like a red sock on the door handle. The cheeky sod said he only has one pair of red socks, so could I buy him some more!

It is a difficult age. They are adults in age, but still children to us, living in our houses, going to school etc. It's hard!

PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 22:19

Just hang on in there and remember what you would have wanted at that age. But don't let him take the piss. And remember its another parents child he will be with.

Original poster
marriedinwhite · 01/02/2013 22:20

"friend with benefits" ? It is bloody difficult.

OP posts:
PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 22:20

And they are economically dependent, so you can exercise some control if you want to be the bad guy.

PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 22:21

Pretty foul of him though.

landofsoapandglory · 01/02/2013 22:23

Friend with benefits is having no strings attached sex with a friend, Married!

Original poster
marriedinwhite · 01/02/2013 22:23

Perhaps if DH and I decide it's OK, I should take them in tea and toast in the the morning. Bet that would be so embarassing it won't happen again - esp if I ask if they have had a lovely time Grin and was there a minor earthquake last night?

OP posts:
CarriedAwayAnnie · 01/02/2013 22:23

"parents child" - Presumably she will be an adult and not a child. An adult old enough to make her own decisions.

Original poster
marriedinwhite · 01/02/2013 22:24

Oh, thanks for clarifying lofs&g.

OP posts:
CarriedAwayAnnie · 01/02/2013 22:25

Why would you want to exercise some control over an 18yo?

BigSilky · 01/02/2013 22:26

Just because he's 18 doesn't mean he has free reign in my opinion. He should still treat his parents and siblings with respect.

MsTakenidentity · 01/02/2013 22:28

YANBU MiW, and handled the situation very well.

Original poster
marriedinwhite · 01/02/2013 22:29

He asked; and he accepted the answer. I was actually quite impressed to be honest.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 01/02/2013 22:30

Just a thought but would the reaction be the same if it were your daughters.
God help the bf that tries to sleep round here when dds older.
Dh, and 2 older brothers. Grin

usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 22:30

an 18 year old is not a child

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