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AIBU?

Teenage ds (18) "I might bring a girl home tonight"

159 replies

marriedinwhite · 01/02/2013 20:28

DS just 18 - not had a serious girlfriend - didn't know he had one now. Just dropped him and in the car (I know, I know - he's 18 and has his own car but he's partying and he was late) he announced "I might bring a girl home tonight" I said really and where will she sleep and he said in his room. I said "I didn't know you had a girlfriend" and he said they had a bit of a thing going and I know he's had sex so what's the issue.

He took me by surprise and I said no because we don't know her, we don't know anything about her and it needs to be properly discussed with dad as well as with me. He was a bit meh said thank God he would be at uni soon but took it quite well and said thank you for the lift. I did say that if she came back with him that was fine but it was on the understanding that she slept in the guest room and he slept in his bedroom and didn't visit the guest room.

Oh bugger. What to do? He has a 14 year old sister and not sure I'm ready for this out of the blue. Fraaaaaaank are you there?

OP posts:

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WhispersOfWickedness · 01/02/2013 23:03

Nothing useful to add except that you could make a mint on the Lego on eBay

PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 23:03

Usual, I have a better idea. Get them to be active consultative member of the family. Ours are.

noddyholder · 01/02/2013 23:06

Usual,I agree. I regularly find people in our house. MN is the only place I hear all this take half their wages don't cook or do their washing etc. most of my rl mates have their pre and post uni kids at home and like it.

usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 23:06

So are mine. I never pulled the my house my rules, when you pay rent card either.

PariahHairy · 01/02/2013 23:07

I don't really get the whole you cannot have sex in my house thing, I have been having sex in the same house as my children since well, when they were born.

I don't have teenagers but will have soon, at 18 I don't think I would mind them having sex in my house, unless I could hear it or something,that would be grim.

I want to be as open and accepting as I can with my children. When i got with dp who was 18 years older than me, he and my Mum didn't meet until I was literally giving birth, she was such a judgy moo I had hidden him until then.

bringmeroses · 01/02/2013 23:08

FWIW it sounds like you handled it perfectly OP. You gave him clear boundaries of what needs to happen if she comes back. If they have a quick bit of nookie before going into separate rooms your DD is none the wiser and no harm is done assuming theyre' being safe. And if the relationship gets more serious then perhaps they can share a room? He's prob equally uncomfortable at the thought of his mum knowing he's engaging in 'coitus'...

PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 23:08

We have not either usual but ours have never made us uncomfortable.

usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 23:09

MN is so weird about teenagers, I feel like an oddball most of the time.

I like my kids to have friends round.

Letmeintroducemyself · 01/02/2013 23:09

I have a 6 month rule for overnights, because I have younger children in the house, if they want space for randomers, then they need a place of their own.

noddyholder · 01/02/2013 23:11

No usual younaren't odd! It is like they get tom18 and a whole set of rues designed to make them feel unwelcome kick in. Inthink the op and her son sound lovely though and just think she was caught unawares

usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 23:11

I don't feel uncomfortable about my teenagers having friends to stay.

noddyholder · 01/02/2013 23:12

iPad spelling sorry!

usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 23:12

I think the OP has a great attitude to her teenagers usually.

bringmeroses · 01/02/2013 23:12

Ahh! I had to read back for Whispers' reference and the thought of him being into Lego one minute and into... ahem... the next... don't they grow up quick!!

CarriedAwayAnnie · 01/02/2013 23:14

When mine reach teenage age, I'll be searching for Usuals posts on how to deal with it.

PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 23:14

I don't either usual but then I like my kids friends. What would happen if they had some friends that were really dodgy? What would you do then? And I know people this has happened to. Would you resort to 'it's my houes'?

PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 23:15

FFS house

usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 23:20

I've had 3 teenagers, I welcome their friends into my house. I don't do the my house my rules shit. oh yes, theres been some dodgy ones, but my kids soon learnt who was a twat.

It's worked for me.

noddyholder · 01/02/2013 23:21

They do have their own twat radar no matter how cool they find thevlocal pita to start with.

usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 23:23

They do though, I've told my DS that boys a twat and mostly he will say you were right mum

noddyholder · 01/02/2013 23:36

I've had that too the mates you have concerns about always disappear quite quickly

marriedinwhite · 02/02/2013 07:54

Good morning all. He's tucked up fast aspleep in bed. The guest room is empty. I will update later but out for most of the day and won't be able to talk to him until much later. Thanks for support.

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CabbageLeaves · 02/02/2013 08:13

I think you handled it fine MiW. It's less to do with the sex (for me) and more to do with the timing of the request. He sprung it on you rather than dealing in a more adult way (understandably)

I own my house, I still mention to my children if my DP is coming to stay and check its ok with them because they my important cohabitees. I want them to feel comfortable and acknowledged.

I've told both my teens they can have regular b/fs back but I would expect to meet them first. Same as I would suspect they'd like to have met a man before finding him having coffee in my bed in the morning

wannabedomesticgoddess · 02/02/2013 08:41

I hadnt really thought about what I would do in this situation as my DDs are still tiny but I agrew with usual on this.

Infact, I hope my DDs will bring boys home. Not a different one every week. But if they are bringing them to the house at least I will know whats going on in their lives, unlike my parents who hadnt a clue because I had to be sneaky.

Also, I will be able to sort them out with the pill etc.

I would rather know and be greeted with a teenage boy now and again, than drive myself crazy worrying about the unknown.

Oh, and its their house too.

pingu2209 · 02/02/2013 08:57

I wouldn't let a total stranger stay in my house. She could be a murderer. Unlikely though.

However, she could have really bad manners and different social ettiquet that would really piss you off - in your own home.

I wouldn't let anyone I didn't know in my house. End of.

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