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AIBU?

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Original poster

Teenage ds (18) "I might bring a girl home tonight"

159 replies

marriedinwhite · 01/02/2013 20:28

DS just 18 - not had a serious girlfriend - didn't know he had one now. Just dropped him and in the car (I know, I know - he's 18 and has his own car but he's partying and he was late) he announced "I might bring a girl home tonight" I said really and where will she sleep and he said in his room. I said "I didn't know you had a girlfriend" and he said they had a bit of a thing going and I know he's had sex so what's the issue.

He took me by surprise and I said no because we don't know her, we don't know anything about her and it needs to be properly discussed with dad as well as with me. He was a bit meh said thank God he would be at uni soon but took it quite well and said thank you for the lift. I did say that if she came back with him that was fine but it was on the understanding that she slept in the guest room and he slept in his bedroom and didn't visit the guest room.

Oh bugger. What to do? He has a 14 year old sister and not sure I'm ready for this out of the blue. Fraaaaaaank are you there?

OP posts:
PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 22:49

But I do add this is not what we did but you are in your rights as a home owner not to feel uncomfortable. Our DDs were really nice and did bring guys home and it was not awkward. I just hate this entitled child thing.

PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 22:50

Carried, it means everything if you choose it to.

CarriedAwayAnnie · 01/02/2013 22:50

Why does she have to be committed BigSilky?

It's illegal to have sex in Tesco Pessasry. And as the OP's son doesn't live in Tesco, I'm once again failing to see the logic of your point?

PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 22:50

And to usual too.

usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 22:51

I hate the term 'entitled' nearly as much as 'your house your rules'

CarriedAwayAnnie · 01/02/2013 22:51

entitled child

HE'S NOT A CHILD

StickEmUp · 01/02/2013 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 22:53

He is a lodger at 18.

BigSilky · 01/02/2013 22:54

It's the aspect of bringing a stranger home that I wouldn't like, so I would let a girlfriend stay over but not a one night stand.

StickEmUp · 01/02/2013 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarriedAwayAnnie · 01/02/2013 22:54

Carried, it means everything if you choose it to.

But why would the OP choose to use the fact that her son is studying hard and therefore unable to work FT against him? Confused

PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 22:54

But TBH I really don't care what you do with your sons. We did what we did with our DDs and it was fine. I just don't like people being railroaded into feeling uncomfortable in their own homes.

Original poster
marriedinwhite · 01/02/2013 22:55

This is getting really silly. I don't think he was being entitled. He told me what he was planning and gave me the opportunity to say no. He could have just done it but he didn't; he's more respectful than that. I didn't interpret his presentation of it as him expecting the answer to be yes no problem. I think he phrased it in a fairly normal way for a teenage boy. I would have been a bit more shocked if he had said something like "mum, I have been getting to know a girl and please may I bring her back tonight to sleep and have sex in my bedroom with me"? Now that would have been odd.

OP posts:
OrangeLily · 01/02/2013 22:55

Sounds like he is fairly sensible! Maybe worth a proper talk tomorrow and explain your reasons.

For what's its worth DH wasn't allowed in my room/in the same room at my parents until we were engaged at 23/24. We were allowed at DH's parents from 18/19. Guess which house we'd still rather stay at and feel more respected as a couple?

PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 22:56

Oh I am so sorry if he is studying hard your should all prostrate yourselves before him. Alternatively you could all make allowances for each other in the family home.

usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 22:57

Hes entitled to be an adult, hes entitled to have sex.

PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 22:57

Orange we always allowed our DDs to have friends of either sex stay over with them. but it's not fair to force parents to do something they are really uncomfortable with.

CarriedAwayAnnie · 01/02/2013 22:58
PessaryPam · 01/02/2013 22:58

Usual if they want they are entitled to tell him to sling his hook it works all ways.

usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 22:59

He asked his mum, he didn't just smuggle here in up the drain pipe.

usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 23:00

Her*

Original poster
marriedinwhite · 01/02/2013 23:00

Confused and [tired] emoticon

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 01/02/2013 23:01

Oh yes, lets chuck our 18 year olds out, because they are just lodgers after all.

Not our children.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 01/02/2013 23:01

I would not want to find a stranger at my breakfast table. Ever.

When my sons are old enough to have serious relationships, and we have met those people then yes I expect they will be welcome to stay over.

landofsoap - friends with benefits? No way.

If my brother or my cousin were staying here and announced they might 'bring a girl/boy back' then the answer would be the same. No strangers in the house overnight.

BigSilky · 01/02/2013 23:01

Asking doesn't make it okay... and no one said anything about chucking them out.