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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite partners to wedding?

219 replies

MrsLovely · 06/01/2013 14:55

I am getting married in a few months time. Now I am of a fairly advanced age, and to be quite honest up until now the whole idea of marriage has scared me. But I'm finally grown up enough and in a relationship where I want to take this step.
Anyway, because of this, I'm having a very small ceremony, very close friends and family only. There are a couple of very old friends I would like to invite,but not their partners. Because their partners aren't old, close friends. Although they are friends. But I don't want them to be part of my wedding ceremony! They would be invited to the party (which, incidentally is on the day after the wedding).
Is this really terrible? I haven't sent out invites yet so will abide by mumsnet decision!

OP posts:
BunnyLebowski · 06/01/2013 14:57

YABVU. And rather odd.

LindyHemming · 06/01/2013 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TWinklyLittleStar · 06/01/2013 14:57

Unless you are having the ceremony and reception close to where they all live, it is bad form to expect the partners to hang around all day waiting to be allowed to join in.

difficultpickle · 06/01/2013 14:58

How long have they been with their partners? If it is new and casual then fair enough but if they've been together years then it is odd to exclude them.

RedToothbrush · 06/01/2013 14:59

Its rude.

Original poster
MrsLovely · 06/01/2013 14:59

Both the ceremony and the party are very close to where we all live, there will be no 'hanging around' for anyone.

I would imagine their partners will spend te day doing whatever they normally do!

OP posts:
Virgil · 06/01/2013 15:00

IMO it's rude and odd and you'll find that various of your friends are unable to make it.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 06/01/2013 15:00

It's your wedding so you must do what you want, however, it is very odd and could come across as quite rude and as if you don't like their partners :( Is it really worth upsetting your friends over?

BunnyLebowski · 06/01/2013 15:02

I wouldn't go to a wedding that specifically excluded my DP. No matter how close a friend.

But then none of my friends would do such a bizarre thing.

Ultimately it's your day and your choice but that doesn't mean it isn't downright rude.

austenozzy · 06/01/2013 15:03

unreasonable. we had a small friends and family only ceremony and meal followed by bash in the evening. partners were invited to both, nothing lost by doing so. also U as party is next day. seems overly precious to me, and not a little rude.

ohforfoxsake · 06/01/2013 15:04

Would strike me as not being good enough to come if you know them but don't invite them.

DH has been to a wedding where I wasn't invited but it was a work colleague who I had never met so I wasn't bothered.

You risk offending your friends by not inviting their partners. You will probably destroy any friendship which you may develop with their partners later on - unless you aren't bothered about that.

MrsBungleBear · 06/01/2013 15:04

I think not inviting long term partners is very rude and very bad form.

I'd feel really put on the spot and shocked if one of my friends invited me but not dh to their wedding.

AnnoyedAtWork · 06/01/2013 15:05

Horrible and rude, sorry. DP's friend did this, I didn't go, DP hated it.

GilmoursPillow · 06/01/2013 15:06

I would no longer be a 'very old friend' or 'very close friend' of someone who would not allow my DH to accompany me to their wedding.

I wouldn't be a guest at that wedding either.

MaBumble · 06/01/2013 15:06

One of my oldest friends invited me, but not my husband to their wedding, I (nicely) declined. We still see each other, but not as often.

My husbands oldest friend sat me with the maiden Aunts while my husband sat at top table, he was best man and wanted to leave when he found out but I made him stay and give the lovely speech I'd written. We don't see them at all. My husband just kinda drifted away.

You are asking you friends to celebrate your relationship with your new husband, while totally dismissing their relationships. If you do this prepare for some of them to just ... Drift away,

austenozzy · 06/01/2013 15:06

i think this might be another 'am i being u?' , 'yes', 'no i'm not' stroppy threads!

Original poster
MrsLovely · 06/01/2013 15:08

Oh bugger, next you'll be telling me I have to provide food and drink for them afterwards Grin

I did think this was probably bad form, but had kind of convinced myself it would be ok because....well, it was me!

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 06/01/2013 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pandemoniaa · 06/01/2013 15:08

I would imagine their partners will spend te day doing whatever they normally do!

I rather expect they will. But I wouldn't be at all surprised to discover that they do "whatever it is" in the company of their partners who will decline your peculiarly exclusive wedding invitation.

parakeet · 06/01/2013 15:10

Another vote for YABU I'm afraid. If someone did this to me, I would assume they disliked my husband and would be hurt on his behalf.

VoiceofUnreason · 06/01/2013 15:12

I think many of your friends would probably decide you were no longer entitled to be called MrsLovely

If a friend had a boyfriend or girlfriend they didn't live with and hadn't been with them that long and you'd not met them, that might just be understandable. But if these partners are also your friends (just not as close as your original friends) I think this would be exceptionally rude and bad form.

If you want something very very small, then you should have family only at the wedding and everyone else to the party.

NorksAreMessy · 06/01/2013 15:12

mrslovely nice to see you have a sense of humour about your bonkers plan :)

SantasENormaSnob · 06/01/2013 15:13

Rude and unreasonable.

Hesterton · 06/01/2013 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMelons · 06/01/2013 15:14

I think YABU. If they are that close friends then I don't understand why their partners would not be invited to the wedding.

We got married abroad but for the evening do here we were limited on numbers and I had several part time jobs as well which made it difficult as there were lots of people to invite. I spoke to one of the groups of staff at one job and asked if they would mind coming along to the evening thing together as we were really short on numbers and they thought that was fine. I had not even met their partners so wasn't an issue but would never have considered that for close friends of mine or DH. If it had been an issue for any of them then I would not have excluded their partners and would have chanced going over the numbers probably.

If we had been having a day time meal in the UK and I had wanted to invite these particular people from work then I would have only invited them if I could have invited their partners too as it would seem so rude not to.