about my DB not coming home with me because of his GF?

[tbwagg]

Ok, this may be a bit confusing and this is my first time posting but I need some opinions!

Bit of background, me, my DB and his gf are all quite young (early 20s). My DB and I live abroad very far away from our mother, who we haven't seen in 2 years due to financial difficulties. Our mother is desperate to see us, is very sad and depressed about it, and we really miss her too. My DB especially misses the hometown he grew up in. for the last few months we have been talking about going home for NY (my father has offered to pay half our flight tickets) because it is also my mother's birthday close to this time.

finally we have got the go ahead from our father to book the tickets and he sent me the money to book mine and my DB's. we would leave in about ten days time and stay for 2 weeks. i texted my DB to tell him i was booking tickets and he told me he would love to go but couldn't. his reasons were 1) that it was too rushed, 2) it would mean him missing a week of uni but the main reason 3) is that his gf has just found out she's pregnant but wants to have an abortion. she's only 20. he thinks he needs to be around to take care of her, even though they are planning to break up when she returns to uni.

My DB's gf goes to uni in another country from where we live and where our mum lives. She is back in our country for the holidays and is scheduled to leave before we return. so DB would not see her again for another six months or so (but they are planning to break up anyway)

i really think he needs to go home and see his mother, she hasn't seen us in 2 years and i know she'd be very sad if he didn't go (she doesn't know about gf's pregnancy so would just think he didn't want to see her). i know the timing isn't ideal, but the gf has enough time before we leave to get the abortion and have my DB be there to support her. she is leaving about a week after the abortion anyway so they wouldn't be together that long. but i know she doesn't want my DB to go home and i really think he should. he wants to as well but is just really stressed out and sad.

i've told him he needs to go home, and i'm thinking of just booking him a ticket anyway so he has to. am i being unreasonable?

Yabu.

You should be proud of your brother for behaving like a man.

YABU and very selfish.

Well done to your DB for being a good guy.

But surely if she's having an abortion in a country where it's illegal, it's even more important for him to be there to support her? What if something goes wrong?

Its very rare to come across someone so utterly self absorbed. You expect them to rush through such a life changing choice so you can have a knees up at xmas. Its clearly not about your Mum your last post proves that point.

If I were your brother I honestly would never ever speak to you again if you bought a ticket, or contined to nag about going to see a doctor or did anything other than be supportive at such an awful time.

Have some compassion. His gf WILL need support, and he is stepping up and being a man about it. As he should. Can't you see this?

YABU and I'm astounded that you're in your 20s and sound so immature. You should be proud of your brother, and an abortion is not an easy thing to go through regardless of the circumstances who are you to decide when she should do it?

My first ever

Yabu, if he can go in the summer then that's not too much longer till he sees your mum. He is right to want to support his girlfriend at what must be a difficult time.

You need to mind your own business in regards to the abortion and when this women should see a doctor, it has nothing to do with you.

You also need to grow up and stop thinking of yourself, this is isn't going to be easy for either of them and you have no idea how much time/support his girlfriend will need. Your brother may not exactly feel up to going away to see Mummy and Daddy after this.

So its not about dbro or your mum.

Its about the fact that your dad may not pay for you to go?

You need to mind your own business in regards to the abortion and when this woman should see a doctor, it has nothing to do with you.

You also need to grow up and stop thinking of yourself, this is isn't going to be easy for either of them and you have no idea how much time/support his girlfriend will need. Your brother may not exactly feel up to going away to see Mummy and Daddy after this.

you are unreasonable and unpleasant. you want to take the boy away from his (soon to be ex) girlfriend as she prepares (for whatever reason) to end the life of her baby. that's nothing to you, oh no, you'd like to have your brother home for new year.
i can hear you stamping your feet and say 'he's not your boyfriend, he's my brother!'
grow up.

Flipping hell. This: they found out she was pregnant a couple of weeks ago, and yet they haven't made any move to see a doctor about the procedure is shocking. Like it's a really easy decision to make . What a horrible person you are. Not to mention selfish.

You're all in your early 20s, you're all adults. Ergo, your DB can do whatever he likes, being an independent, free-thinking adult.

The fact that he is choosing to do something that is responsible and mature is great, albeit a secondary consideration. If he was choosing to stay behind because he didn't feel like coming, that is still his right.

Using "shoulds" and "needs" in your OP suggests that you feel you know better. Booking a ticket for him without his permission suggests a level of control that is far from adult. Let him be. Go and visit your parents. He'll catch up with them over the summer.

Maybe you could try and give your brother a bit of support? It's possible that they haven't been to see a Dr because they are not totally sure. You say his GF says she "can't keep it" which is different from definitely not wanting to. They could be confused, maybe they won't split up after all. You sound really heartless.

I can't believe quite how selfish you're coming across. Of course they haven't just rocked up to the doctors there and then and get an abortion. It is their baby, and they need to make sure that they are making the right decision before it is too late. Abortion isn't something which should be taken lightly. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment and think about the turmoil they must be going through.

YABU. Your brother is doing the right thing not rushing into this and supporting his girlfriend whether they intend to stay together or not. I would be proud if that was my brother.

YABVVU and incredibly selfish

Actually, if abortion is legal where your parents live (and they really have decided that this is what they want) I think you should give the GF your ticket.

I was hoping this was a reverse AIBU - perhaps it would help to think of what your brother would write ifhe were to post OP - try to see it from his point of view?

I'm intrigued as to why your parents can't come to you. And for that matter why you and your DB moved to the same foreign place.

But yes, YABU. Your DB has adult responsibilities which he is facing up to. Your parents should understand that and be proud of him.

What a busybody!
(planning to break up anyway, wouldn't be together that long etc)
Would you be this interfering if it were a friend, or is it a sister thing?

YABU. Your brother is doing the right thing.

Use the money to fly your mum out to see you and brother

YABU - and immature. I'm just glad your brother appears to have the maturity to deal with this situation in a more appropriate and caring way. His poor GF.

I'm sure your mum would rather her son stood by his GF and up to his responsibilities than just bolts home for a holiday.

Oh yes battle good idea.....send brother and girlfriend to mums for abortion

YABU.

And YAB Selfish
And YAB Controlling
And YA Acting like a toddler.

FFS it's not about you.