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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that DH is being a selfish bastard (and to be a bit tearful about it?)

210 replies

Lambzig · 18/12/2012 17:19

I expect I will be told IABU, but here goes. We have a newborn DS and DD is nearly 2. I am struggling recovering from a c-section where I have had complications (not at all like my first one where recovery was a doddle) and cant drive/pick up toddler DD etc yet and still finding things painful.

DH started a new job a fortnight ago and on day 2 was asked to go to South Africa on 24 hours notice for 10 days. He rang me and we both agreed that although it wasnt brilliant timing he definitely should go and I would cope.

His trip has gone well although having him call, glass of wine in hand, from the verandah of the game reserve house he is staying in (telling me about the safari his client took him on) has made me very envious, I have managed.

However, I would say that I have found it tough, I am completely shattered, have had very little sleep with both DC up all hours and have gone days without speaking to another adult. A very close relation was diagnosed with cancer while he was away and it was hard not having him here to talk to about it. There has also been all the usual pre-Christmas stuff to organise.

DH is flying back overnight Thursday night and has to go strraight to the office on Friday morning to finish things before the christmas break. He has just called and told me that he is planning to finish work at lunchtiime on Friday.

Hurrah I thought, I can go for a coffee or have bath or a snooze and we can have a nice dinner together. DH then continued to tell me that Friday afternoon he is meeting a mate for a few drinks and then dinner and not to wait up. This is an arrangement that he made earlier today (so nothing longstanding).

I told DH I wasnt thrilled and he called me selfish and put the phone down on me. Feel like not being here when he does get home.

AIBU to feel really he is the one being selfish and to feel a bit rejected that instead of wanting to see his newborn DS, DD and me or realise that I might need a frigging break after 10 days, that his first thought is to go all afternoon/evening drinking with a mate he sees for drinks all the time?

OP posts:
Yama · 18/12/2012 22:36

Good, good. I can go to bed happy now. Smile

MrsFlibble · 18/12/2012 22:36

I think he must have got burning hot, from the collective flaming he got, atleast hes being reasonable.

BridgetBidet · 18/12/2012 22:36

Ah, that's really nice. Glad it's sorted.

waltermittymistletoe · 18/12/2012 22:36
Xmas Smile

Good for him. Literally. As there were murders being plotted!

Greensleeves · 18/12/2012 22:38

bless him he's a muppet like my dh Grin

I am seriously impressed with your handling of it all - I would have been much less grown-up about it and we would have had a row for sure

theoriginalandbestrookie · 18/12/2012 22:39

Aww a happy Christmas ending, it has been a long time since we had one of those.

Lambzig · 19/12/2012 09:07

Sorry, went to bed after I posted and the usual nightime early morning chores with the DC. You have all forgiven him quicker than I have! Would definitely have been more shouty and door slamming if we had been face to face.

Bogeyface yes, I will have that on DH's gravestone, along with "I didn't have chance" and "oh, I forgot".

I think I wont show him the thread in the interests of not getting divorced Grin.

53 hours till I can hand over the DC and have an hour to myself (not that I am counting).

OP posts:
noseynoonoo · 19/12/2012 09:09

Well done. You much more grown up about it than I would have been.

NuclearStandoff · 19/12/2012 09:11

It is always better to try and be the reasonable one and save the inflammatory texts/comments for when you really need them.

I have many years of experience of arguing with dh ... and you are much more likely to 'win' if you keep calm and maintain the moral high ground.

A bit shocked at all the comments trying to goad you into being more inflammatory/angry/abusive (even though you were probably entitled to be, a man never sees it like that).

Glad things have worked out well for you.

Delalakis · 19/12/2012 11:12

Sounds like male one track mindedness. Friend contacted him, he thought (a) am I free that day and (b) do I deserve a break after ten days' solid work, got the answer "Yes" to both questions and agreed to arrangement with friend. Being incapable of multi-tasking he thought solely in work terms without factoring in his home life, and then went defensive when he realised what he'd done. Let's hope reality dawns on him before Friday.

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