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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that DH is being a selfish bastard (and to be a bit tearful about it?)

210 replies

Lambzig · 18/12/2012 17:19

I expect I will be told IABU, but here goes. We have a newborn DS and DD is nearly 2. I am struggling recovering from a c-section where I have had complications (not at all like my first one where recovery was a doddle) and cant drive/pick up toddler DD etc yet and still finding things painful.

DH started a new job a fortnight ago and on day 2 was asked to go to South Africa on 24 hours notice for 10 days. He rang me and we both agreed that although it wasnt brilliant timing he definitely should go and I would cope.

His trip has gone well although having him call, glass of wine in hand, from the verandah of the game reserve house he is staying in (telling me about the safari his client took him on) has made me very envious, I have managed.

However, I would say that I have found it tough, I am completely shattered, have had very little sleep with both DC up all hours and have gone days without speaking to another adult. A very close relation was diagnosed with cancer while he was away and it was hard not having him here to talk to about it. There has also been all the usual pre-Christmas stuff to organise.

DH is flying back overnight Thursday night and has to go strraight to the office on Friday morning to finish things before the christmas break. He has just called and told me that he is planning to finish work at lunchtiime on Friday.

Hurrah I thought, I can go for a coffee or have bath or a snooze and we can have a nice dinner together. DH then continued to tell me that Friday afternoon he is meeting a mate for a few drinks and then dinner and not to wait up. This is an arrangement that he made earlier today (so nothing longstanding).

I told DH I wasnt thrilled and he called me selfish and put the phone down on me. Feel like not being here when he does get home.

AIBU to feel really he is the one being selfish and to feel a bit rejected that instead of wanting to see his newborn DS, DD and me or realise that I might need a frigging break after 10 days, that his first thought is to go all afternoon/evening drinking with a mate he sees for drinks all the time?

OP posts:
harrietlichman · 18/12/2012 17:54

YANBU. I hope he isn't usually like this, he sounds a real Prince.

JustFabulous · 18/12/2012 17:54

I want to come and help you. I will look after you children while you have a lovely bubble bath and then a sleep.

YANBU and if anyone says you are I would be questionning their self esteem tbh.

Don't wait for him to grow up and get it. That is a load of bollocks. Tell him now he needs to come home asap and stop making allowances for him taking time to be considerate.

KindleMum · 18/12/2012 17:56

GIT! I'd be seriously tempted to stroll into his office on Friday morning, say "look, children, Daddy's back!" and then leg it, leaving them with him.

YADNBU

MmmnoodlesoupIsDueXmasEve · 18/12/2012 17:56

Yanbu. He should be rushing back to help you and see his chidren. What a knobber.

IRCL · 18/12/2012 17:58

Hang on, he called you selfish?!

YANBU, He is!

HumphreyCobbler · 18/12/2012 17:59

why the fuck doesn't he want to spend some time with his children and wife? Especially a newborn he hardly knows Sad

mrsmindcontrol · 18/12/2012 18:01

What a grade A cuntrag

Turniphead1 · 18/12/2012 18:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

DoodleHolly · 18/12/2012 18:05

You poor poor thing.

I'm with the other poster who suggested walking into the office at lunch, dropping off the kids and going incommunicado for the rest of the day!

BelleoftheFall · 18/12/2012 18:05

You say he's got a history of doing staggeringly unselfish things until his brain kicks in. Honestly, I'd have a chat with him about this and say it's not good enough anymore and that you need more than this now and in the future, rather than having to wait around for his moral compass to start working again. It's not really on now that you've got two little ones, is it?

HoHoHokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 18/12/2012 18:06

Bloody hell op, you would think he'd have missed his family and want to get back to see them asap.

He is being a total fuckwit and i would be livid.

And, putting the phone down on anyone is beyond rude and i have lost the plot in the past when dh has done it to me.

YADNBU.

StanleyLambchop · 18/12/2012 18:06

May I add to the unanimous chorus of YANBU. Selfish pig your DH.

thebody · 18/12/2012 18:06

For once I am speechless. Think he has lived a single mans life for 10 days and thinks he can continue.. He needs a dose of reality love.
Call him back and tell him to haul his arse home ASAP.

TheCraicDealer · 18/12/2012 18:07

YANBU! I like a PP's suggestion of shooting and stuffing him.

Pleeeeeease link him this thread! You will have to name change but it'll be totally worth it.

Moominsarescary · 18/12/2012 18:09

That's awful, I'd want to cry. Hope your ok and the dickhead comes to his senses

singledadof2 · 18/12/2012 18:09

You are NOT being unreasonable. The guy needs a kick up the ass and made to realise he's a husband and father first, career man and social gatherer second.

Let him do this without letting him know how wrong it is and you'll be a drudge for life.

balia · 18/12/2012 18:09

I'm stunned you agreed to him going at all - I have no idea how I would have coped post-caesarian without all my family to help, never mind alone with another child.

What an absolute fucker.

Alligatorpie · 18/12/2012 18:12

Yanbu. I would send him this link. He is being a twat!

EuphemiaInExcelsis · 18/12/2012 18:12

No way! He needs his arse kicked into touch. Shock

YANBU!!!!!

mcmooncup · 18/12/2012 18:13

Oh come on.......he's been away working sooooo hard for 10 days, bringing home the bacon. He deserves a night out after that.....don't you get it?? He is a superior being to you, so please just get on with the domestic chores and stop moaning.

Acandlelitshadow · 18/12/2012 18:13

Shock just Shock

He is a knob.

OlivetheotherReindeer · 18/12/2012 18:14

YANBU, show him this thread......OPs husband, here's your Xmas Biscuit. Ours a twat of the highest order. How about rushing home to your wife with a lovely gift, telling her to go relax in a hot bath whilst you take care of the little ones? Twat of the highest order.

lolaflores · 18/12/2012 18:15

I think everyone has covered the list of things he is. Except perhaps potentially homeless! For christmas?
Suck on them chestnuts sunshine.
And not a safari in sight

lottiegarbanzo · 18/12/2012 18:17

I feel quite sad for you.

He doesn't want to see you and he sees his children as a burden, a task, not a joy. He completely takes your role as full-time child-carer for granted.

He needs a rapid re-think but more importantly, he needs to re-tune his feelings.

TeamBacon · 18/12/2012 18:19

KTB

Seriously Shock

My DP would be legging it back from the airport as fast as possible! Mind you, he wouldn't have gone in the first place!

Wanker. No, you are definitely not being selfish. You're being a saint!