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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that DH is being a selfish bastard (and to be a bit tearful about it?)

210 replies

Lambzig · 18/12/2012 17:19

I expect I will be told IABU, but here goes. We have a newborn DS and DD is nearly 2. I am struggling recovering from a c-section where I have had complications (not at all like my first one where recovery was a doddle) and cant drive/pick up toddler DD etc yet and still finding things painful.

DH started a new job a fortnight ago and on day 2 was asked to go to South Africa on 24 hours notice for 10 days. He rang me and we both agreed that although it wasnt brilliant timing he definitely should go and I would cope.

His trip has gone well although having him call, glass of wine in hand, from the verandah of the game reserve house he is staying in (telling me about the safari his client took him on) has made me very envious, I have managed.

However, I would say that I have found it tough, I am completely shattered, have had very little sleep with both DC up all hours and have gone days without speaking to another adult. A very close relation was diagnosed with cancer while he was away and it was hard not having him here to talk to about it. There has also been all the usual pre-Christmas stuff to organise.

DH is flying back overnight Thursday night and has to go strraight to the office on Friday morning to finish things before the christmas break. He has just called and told me that he is planning to finish work at lunchtiime on Friday.

Hurrah I thought, I can go for a coffee or have bath or a snooze and we can have a nice dinner together. DH then continued to tell me that Friday afternoon he is meeting a mate for a few drinks and then dinner and not to wait up. This is an arrangement that he made earlier today (so nothing longstanding).

I told DH I wasnt thrilled and he called me selfish and put the phone down on me. Feel like not being here when he does get home.

AIBU to feel really he is the one being selfish and to feel a bit rejected that instead of wanting to see his newborn DS, DD and me or realise that I might need a frigging break after 10 days, that his first thought is to go all afternoon/evening drinking with a mate he sees for drinks all the time?

OP posts:
cees · 18/12/2012 19:32

I wonder does he feel the combined rage of everyone here because he has made an awful lot of people all kinds of mad and it's all aimed at him.

Shakey1500 · 18/12/2012 19:36

Bloody Hell! YANBU and I hope he grovels accordingly.

I remember when DS was young (about 10months, I forget exactly) we both had the norovirus. It was absolutely fucking awful. I've never gone through so many clothes in two days. At the time DH was driving coaches around Europe. He rang one evening...

Him- How's things?
Me- Fucking awful I
feel extremely ill and depressed.
Him- Yeah, I totally get the feeling depressed
Me- How so?
Him- Weeellllllll, it's my day off, I'm in Paris and I just can't decide where to
eat later.........

^^I mean...seriously???? Had a few choice words for him.

mcmooncup · 18/12/2012 19:37

I think you should send the text you want to send.
Are you scared of upsetting him?
He doesn't afford you the same courtesy.

LalyRawr · 18/12/2012 19:38

My DH said you should LTB.

Though this may be because he tried to do something similar once and still bears the scars from my response!

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 18/12/2012 19:38

Your second text was better as much more to the point and demonstrated your fury. The first text is way too reasonable. Pound to a penny he'll stick to the plan with his mates the fucking wank sock.

CuriousMama · 18/12/2012 19:40

Shock My jaw dropped at this. Not often that happens.

sorry but he's a self centred git.

Feel so bad for you Sad

Idlegirl83 · 18/12/2012 19:42

YANBU.

Nothing else to say really.

He's a twat.

CuriousMama · 18/12/2012 19:43

Oh second text would've been my choice, except even stronger. Poor love.

MrsFlibble · 18/12/2012 19:43

My BIL, had been working all over the UK, him and my sister only been married 2 months at this point, wanted him to work up north til Feb, that would 5 months of only coming home on weekends, he decided to take a pay cut, because he was missing his family.

CuriousMama · 18/12/2012 19:44

BTW tell your friends with babies. They'll still be more mobile than you and will be glad to help out I'm sure. Get them round for a good moan Wink

MaryChristmaZEverybody · 18/12/2012 19:46

Do you know, I think if I were you I would now (having sent a nice text) send a text saying "this is the text I want to send you but I'm desperately trying to be reasonable. Frankly I'm exhausted and close to collapse.

And see what he does.

I have rarely seen such a unanimous YANBU Xmas Grin

Yama · 18/12/2012 19:47

I think I could do a survey of every person I know and wouldn't be able to find one single person who would think that your husband was being reasonable.

noddyholder · 18/12/2012 19:48

yanbu

MrsFlibble · 18/12/2012 19:48

I tell you all now, hes banking alot of bad Karma right now, lets send him some more.

HullyEastergully · 18/12/2012 19:48

dear lord

what an utter cunt

kill him

hermioneweasley · 18/12/2012 19:55

OP what's the update? I can't believe that YOU are the one sending diplomatic texts. What's all this about having to be non confrontational - why are you making things acceptable for him?

I travel for work and I would be desperate, desperate to get back to my family after 10 days.

He's a selfish twat.

Iggly · 18/12/2012 19:56

YANBU
Why the jeff you agreed for him to go in the first place?

Why the fuck did he think it was a good idea to go in the first place?

Why the monkeys does he think it's ok to not rush home ASAP?!

I do not know.

What an utter dick.

OurPlanetNeptune · 18/12/2012 20:00

Lambzig, this is actually so sad, because I can sense the exhaustion you feel. You need to rest, your husband is a selfish, inconsiderate boy.

I loathe men like your husband. I really hope for you and your children sakes the inequity demonstrated here is not indicative of your whole relationship.

You really should have sent the second text. I also read this to my DH as I was so gobsmacked and he says your husband can only get away with it if you let him. Don't. Do not set a precedent.

GreatGardenstuff · 18/12/2012 20:00

YADNBU. Sad to say, but your DH is an utter, utter selfish arse.

ChasedByBees · 18/12/2012 20:00

What an absolute cock he is. I prefer your second text.

CrackleMauve · 18/12/2012 20:11

You are so far from being unreasonable you cannot even see the Vale of Unreasonableness. Fuck him and the horse he rode in on. Oh how I would like to give him a piece of his mind.

COCKadoodledooo · 18/12/2012 20:13

Have not read all any replies yet, but he called you selfish?! What a prick.

Sorelip · 18/12/2012 20:23

My DH says your DH is a cunt. Are you in London? If so I can come and give you a break.

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot · 18/12/2012 20:23

You're more controlled than me, I would have gone for the second text. And then some.

waltermittymistletoe · 18/12/2012 20:23

What a horrendous fucker!