To think that DH is being a selfish bastard (and to be a bit tearful about it?)

[Lambzig]

I expect I will be told IABU, but here goes. We have a newborn DS and DD is nearly 2. I am struggling recovering from a c-section where I have had complications (not at all like my first one where recovery was a doddle) and cant drive/pick up toddler DD etc yet and still finding things painful.

DH started a new job a fortnight ago and on day 2 was asked to go to South Africa on 24 hours notice for 10 days. He rang me and we both agreed that although it wasnt brilliant timing he definitely should go and I would cope.

His trip has gone well although having him call, glass of wine in hand, from the verandah of the game reserve house he is staying in (telling me about the safari his client took him on) has made me very envious, I have managed.

However, I would say that I have found it tough, I am completely shattered, have had very little sleep with both DC up all hours and have gone days without speaking to another adult. A very close relation was diagnosed with cancer while he was away and it was hard not having him here to talk to about it. There has also been all the usual pre-Christmas stuff to organise.

DH is flying back overnight Thursday night and has to go strraight to the office on Friday morning to finish things before the christmas break. He has just called and told me that he is planning to finish work at lunchtiime on Friday.

Hurrah I thought, I can go for a coffee or have bath or a snooze and we can have a nice dinner together. DH then continued to tell me that Friday afternoon he is meeting a mate for a few drinks and then dinner and not to wait up. This is an arrangement that he made earlier today (so nothing longstanding).

I told DH I wasnt thrilled and he called me selfish and put the phone down on me. Feel like not being here when he does get home.

AIBU to feel really he is the one being selfish and to feel a bit rejected that instead of wanting to see his newborn DS, DD and me or realise that I might need a frigging break after 10 days, that his first thought is to go all afternoon/evening drinking with a mate he sees for drinks all the time?

why isn't he desperate to see you and his children? i feel quite upset thinking about how i would feel in your situation.

yanbu

YANBU. Unbelievable. I seriously would have bin bags on the lawn for him if he thought this was acceptable.

Tell him that it matters because you are RECOVERING FROM SURGERY AND HAVE TWO CHILDREN TO LOOK AFTER.

And as a father and husband he needs to step up and do his bit.

Fucking hell

Seriously, what a knob.

Yadnbu. I would have an epic meltdown if my Dh did that. He needs to get his priorities straight!

I think the work trip is fair enough. If his job involves travel and he's just started at the firm I can see that being awkward about it might not look good.

However the Friday arrangement makes him a 24 carat cunt.

What a selfish swine!

If I was his mother I would be ashamed of him. Does she know what he's up to? If I were her I would want to know and I'd be down to whatever pub he was languishing in to drag him out by his ear.

YANBU. You need to show him this thread.

A few years ago I had a thread on here about how I was away for a few days but when I got back dh went for a drink with his sister after work instead of coming home to see me. Your case is x1000 worse than mine. He is being thoughtless. I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he might not have thought it through but if he does not realise how selfish and inconsiderate he is being he needs a good kick.

Ask him how much he's prepared to shell out for a nanny to cover for all the parenting that he's not doing.

Kill him, you will get off after the judge hears why you did it.

yadnbu, he's being unbelievably selfish.

Dh and I go out seperately quite a lot but there's no way either of us would go after 10 days apart. Let alone a newborn and a cs in the mix.

YANBU

"its been ten days, what does another afternoon matter" It's not just an afternoon is it, it is afternoon, evening, night, most likely the most of Saturday morning and that is not counting jetlag etc.

YANBU.

I tell you what, I'd definitely be doing confrontational! By now he'd have received a text that was so red hot that his phone would have melted.

I strongly suggest that you send him similar. Or at the very least an extremely factual message that spells out just how selfish you find his behaviour and how his first priority is you and the family. Including the new born child any reasonable and thoughtful father would have rushed home to see.

Or just call him a selfish, cockjuggling thundercunt. Whichever is shorter.

Yanbu - he is!

What a nasty bastard!
I am in awe of you coping with all this! amazing woman you are!

I can't actually form a well constructed sentence I am so angry for you. What an utter knob.

Yanbu. He is. I'd ask him if he can recommend a good divorce solicitor, that'll put a rocket up his arse!

yanbu and sometimes when we know we are in the wrong we are defensive. Is this him?

I think he may need time on his own with the dc's, just to reinforce how hard it can be!

As my 5yr old DD would say, "I'd kick him in the willy!"
(I should add that she only says this about imaginary robbers )

I'm stunned for you OP. I can't believe after 10 days he doesn't want to race home and see his little family. I'd be double locking the door so he can't get in when he does return.

id be fucking furious

Corblimey. You are not BU.

Out of interest, how old are the children?

There is no way on earth I would have coped with a toddler and a newborn (never mind the CS!) so I think YANBU! I would never have let him go. You are a brave woman!

Don't bother composing a text - just send him a link to this thread the selfish bastard!

OMFG!

YADNBU!