Should I really have to explain our financial situ to a teacher?

[bottleofbeer]

Ok so my 14 year old son is very hard on his shoes. About a week and a half ago he managed to rip the entire sole off his school shoe. Being completely honest at this time of year I just didn't have the funds to replace them immediately so I wrote a note in his planner explaining the situation and promised they'd be replaced by the time term starts in Jan. In the meantime I told him to wear his black trainers, so not wildly different from school shoes.

Last week he came home and told me he'd spent the entire day in isolation, where they're removed from lessons and they basically copy useless text all day (absolutely nothing to do with the curriculum) I already knew this because I got a phonecall from the office explaining that he was in isolation because of his shoes. I told them I wanted him taken from isolation because it's unfair to punish him over something beyond his control, that they know he struggles academically as it is and he can't afford to miss entire days.

Anyway, they didn't remove him from isolation. So we wrote a letter to the head of year outlining why he shouldn't be there and pointing out we had already explained the situation. He's not getting to school and slipping his shoes off in favour of his trainers and short of going barefoot he had no option. No reply.

Today I get a letter saying he'll be back in isolation unless I replace the shoes, and to phone the HOY to discuss this. I'm fuming, it has been explained to him three times now and frankly I don't see why I should have to phone him and tell him about the financial situation - again. I don't see that it's any of his business and a note from parents apologising and promising to recitfy it asap really should be enough. AIBU?

Are you genuinely unable to spend a tenner on a pair of shoes for him? I would have thought basic clothing for a child takes precedence over christmas spending.

It is not fair on him to be in isolation, I agree, but he should be provided with shoes.

Not in the slightest, and I would be writing a very strongly-worded letter to the HT, copying in the CoG and possibly the LA.

I get your point. But I also get that the school will stick by their rules.

whether we agree with strict uniform isn't the issue. But if he wears trainers today, tomorrow someone will wear white trainers tomorrow.

having a strict uniform policy is a very hard line to tread.

I really think it's shit when kids are punished for things like this. Yes, there is a uniform, and some think it's important to adhere to it. Most schools have a policy.

But I don't think children should be punished for anything beyond their control: our school punishes latecomers, even though it is a primary and their parents take them to school. It's not their fault if they're late!

I can sort of see the school's point, but basically I think YANBU.

If I were you I'd be on the phone to the overall head first thing. It's totally out of order.

why do you think your child shouldn't wear uniform when everyone else has to? get him some shoes. if he has to go without something else, fine, let him, it will help him remember not to damage his shoes in future.

or find another school where they don't care about uniform - though you'll be looking around for a while, i'd guess.

YABU

The school must treat all kids the same. All the other kids will want to wear their trainers, so you are making your kid special. Unless you want the school to tell all the kids ur financial situation too.

Do you not have a few pounds for a charity shop pair, or glue the old ones?

I bet you are having christmas dinner and presents? A tenner will buy cheap new ones, three quid from the charity shop.

YANBU my school was really strict on uniform when I was a teen and in winter I had my coat and jumper taken from me every morning in registration because they didn't adhere to the uniform rules.
My dad would not buy any others as he would rather spend the money on alcohol.
I used to get soaked in the rain at breaks and the teachers said they couldn't give them back until last bell. My dad didn't care though.
At least you are explaining and giving them a reasonable time frame of when his shoes will be bought.

The bottom line really (where the school is coming from anyway) is that they're having a problem with kids coming into school wearing Vans/Converse.

It was only noticed through a shoe inspection because at a glance they don't look like trainers.

Cheap shoes do not last him five minutes, the ones he's just wrecked weren't cheap and only lasted Sept-Dec as it is.

My husband is only just back in work after being made redundant a few months ago, ironically he's a teacher. I just don't want to explain this to the HOY but feel like I'm going to have to to keep him out of isolation. Squeakytoy, he's got more than the basics but a fortnight before Christmas I admit new school shoes cheap or otherwise weren't my immediate priority.

If it was me and I didn't have 20 quid to buy a pair of black shoes then I'd sell something to get the money to buy them.

If I had nothing to sell I'd get a social fund loan or a wonga type one.

It's far more likely if you wouldn't do the above that you think your son shouldn't have to conform to the uniform policy for whatever reason.

And because lots of people think that they have a uniform policy which you are made aware of in year 7 before you send your child there.

This is standard.

I broke my leg in three places and my foot in my second year at high school. I couldn't physically get any shoe on, and had to wear trackies because the cast was massive. I was isolated until the cast was reduced and I could fit in a school uniform.

To join in, you need to be in a school uniform. Otherwise, you are isolated. It'll teach him to stop ruining his shoes. If you actually can't afford any shoes, fill out the forms and the school will get some for him, but you will have to detail where your money goes. If it's just too tight to get some before Christmas, then there isn't long left and maybe it'll teach him not to ruin them in the future?

I think the school are being very harsh on your son indeed, especially as you've explained the situation three times.

However, is there really no way you can get the money together to get him a new pair?

Why not get the sole replaced on the shoe then?? That would be cheaper than a new pair of shoes.

Shoes ARE more of a priority than christmas.

Caja, that's ridiculous. They put you in isolation because you'd broken your leg and had a plaster cast, FFS?

I'm guessing you did your Christmas shopping before he broke them and that's why you don't have the cash.

My dd's old school tried doing this to her when she had to wear padded trainers due to scar tissue causing problems with normal shoes. Needless to say they were not successful in there attempt.

School uniforms that dictate footwear rather than just colour off footwear are over the top ( IMHO ) and I don't see the harm in being flexible.

YABU. Schools have uniform policies for a reason. If your DS is seen to be getting away with wearing trainers the other 900 kids in the school will flout the rule too.

You can buy men shoes in Tescos for £15 - £25. Shoes before Christmas presents.

OP, I totally understand,

I have friends who have been in the same stupid situation, those making these rules have no comprehension of the financial situation some people are in,well they do but they don't give a shit.

I know of many children that get kept off school at moments like these,parents phone them in sick, the schools seem despite a lot of education not to understand, which seems a little odd, but as ignorance is not a plea, in this country, I think(know) they just chose not to understand, because it's easier than looking at changing to a fair system.

if it is between electric and food for the week or new shoes, you are not unreasonable to try to protect your child.

What a bunch of cunts (I don't use that word often) if your son could do anything about it I'm sure he would, so they are punishing him to get at you, which is bullying.

In isolation for a plaster cast oh em gee!

Thanks for the input y'all :)

Caja you have got to be kidding me!

Given that its so near the end of term, send him in to school in trainers and with a good book her enjoys.

Perhaps the HOY wants to talk to you to see if the school can help you out in anyway? We have a hardship fund for genuine cases of need. The maximum allowed to sort out new shoes here is 3 days, after which the pastoral team become involved and apart from really exceptional cases e.g. house fire, family fleeing DV etc, it would be isolation.

I have never in my life heard of actual schools who provide new shoes for kids.

Yeah Christmas was pretty much sorted but we've had to budget down to the last pound for the last few weeks because he's worked a month in hand.

Bit of a shock to the system to find myself unable to magic up the money for shoes the minute they broke!

I'm in two minds about this one. Isolation over uniform does not occur at my school but then we have a lot of poverty. It is recorded and action taken where necessary.

Whilst it is not fair on your son as it's not his fault, if the rules are strict over uniform then they need to be adhered to. If they let your son off, they have to start letting other people off, and then when do you decide who to let off? Not being able to afford shoes is a good reason, but then how do you distinguish between someone who really can't afford it, and someone who can't afford it because they've just bought a new ipad.

When you apply to a school you agree to follow their policies.

Nice thought whathasthatcatdonenow but from the tone of the letter it doesn't seem that way. I've got three kids at the school and they're always kitted out properly, I thought maybe they'd give me the benfit of the doubt for a few days.

We're not in any form of hardship really anyway, we've got by but just didn't have the funds immediately to replace them. I'd have found a way to do so if his trainers were obviously trainers or bright white or something but they're not. They'd have a point if it'd gone on weeks without any form of explanation from me but I made a point of telling them why straight away.