Should I really have to explain our financial situ to a teacher?

[bottleofbeer]

Ok so my 14 year old son is very hard on his shoes. About a week and a half ago he managed to rip the entire sole off his school shoe. Being completely honest at this time of year I just didn't have the funds to replace them immediately so I wrote a note in his planner explaining the situation and promised they'd be replaced by the time term starts in Jan. In the meantime I told him to wear his black trainers, so not wildly different from school shoes.

Last week he came home and told me he'd spent the entire day in isolation, where they're removed from lessons and they basically copy useless text all day (absolutely nothing to do with the curriculum) I already knew this because I got a phonecall from the office explaining that he was in isolation because of his shoes. I told them I wanted him taken from isolation because it's unfair to punish him over something beyond his control, that they know he struggles academically as it is and he can't afford to miss entire days.

Anyway, they didn't remove him from isolation. So we wrote a letter to the head of year outlining why he shouldn't be there and pointing out we had already explained the situation. He's not getting to school and slipping his shoes off in favour of his trainers and short of going barefoot he had no option. No reply.

Today I get a letter saying he'll be back in isolation unless I replace the shoes, and to phone the HOY to discuss this. I'm fuming, it has been explained to him three times now and frankly I don't see why I should have to phone him and tell him about the financial situation - again. I don't see that it's any of his business and a note from parents apologising and promising to recitfy it asap really should be enough. AIBU?

I don't agree with the schools decision (sounds like they have lost sight of priorities), but if I were the OP I would either explain the situation, or keep him off school. I would probably go with being honest with the head of year, but then I have a good relationship with DSs head of year.

The thing is OP, if you lack of cash is impacting on your child not having the correct school uniform/equipment it is the head of years business.

I would glue the soles back on and tell your son to save up to buy new ones? I am assuming he is old enough to know better if it matters for him not to miss school? How can someone destroy expensive shoes in 3 months?

Another Scot here! My ds is currently wearing black trainers to school as he ruined his school shoes playing football or some other game (he is 7), the school either don't care or haven't noticed, probably a bit of both!

Fuuny that, i was just about to post that where i live in Scotland such strict adherance to uniform is unheard of. Our schools are similar to ForgetfulNess.

What is it people don't understand about genuinely not being able to afford something? I fairly often don't have a spare £1, let alone £15-£25. This is reality for some.
Feel your pain OP.
YADNBU.

YANBU

Disgraceful behaviour by the school to expect your DS to wear broken shoes rather than plain dark trainers. Ridiculous that they put the precise design of his footwear above education which if memory serves is what they are there for.

I have DCs who go through shoes in a matter of weeks. It isnt being careless just that walking to school in all weathers will take it out of any shoes - except trainers which seem to be able to stand up to the job.

I find the rather anal obsession with the precise design of footwear totally bizzarre. Surely the important thing is that they are suitable to wear all day not that they conform to insanely narrow definitions of suitable footwear.

Some of the sanctimonious comments on this thread have been quite revolting. Why should a family put itself into debt when a suitable (other than to school uniform obsessives) temporary alternative was available?

Expensive shoes does not mean that they are suitable for a day spent walking to and from school, walking around all day, a bit of running around at lunch time.

If you want shoes to stand up to that sort of thing then really you need to be looking at Army boots. Only schools dont like those because someone, somewhere once heard that in a school far far away a knife might have been brought into school tucked into a boot.

I agree Bottle about schools constantly asking for money - even a few quid on a bad day or week or month is a bloody pain...

Especially at xmas when the stupid mums org expensive all chip in a tenner for presents for teachers you dont even like.

I also dont understand how someone can purposley destroy thier shoes before time...

school shoes do take hard knocks - perhaps trainers would be a better option...

Write to you local LEA and copy in the school. Explain that your son is being denied an education because you are poor.

could op - " customise" army boots? cut round the ankle bit to make them more shoe like?

Don't get it, why couldn't you just replace the shoes on a credit card and pay it off in Jan? You're gonna buy them anyway, won't your DS be missing out on seasonal fun with his friends? (well I guess its secondary, they don't do much at Xmas but watching films in class instead of work maybe? kinda sad to be in isolation til Friday).

This is completely unacceptable behaviour by the school. If you do not make sure he attends school you can be fined, but because you cannot afford to go out in the last week of term and get him new shoes his education has to suffer, outrageous.

I would be kicking up a stink, luckily my kids are too young to be in school, but we are flat broke too, I haven't bought any presents even for the kids and the money I have right now is for food essentials not shoes. Not everyone can afford such outlays at short notice.

YADNBU

I don't think that charity shops sell (school) shoes. Many times I tried to donate immaculate school shoes and all the shops in my area refused as they don't do school shoes.

Personally, I totally agree with OP that it is outrageous. Then again, I think the whole school uniform thing is ridiculous and actually quite expensive.

butterfingers, this may be news to you but not everyone has a credit card, and those who do have them may well be up to the limit in these dire times.

School shoes are ridiculous. In any other setting you wear shoes appropriate to the job - safety shoes in factories, football boots on the pitch, walking boots to walk up a hill.

What do you have to wear at school? Light office shoes designed for no more than walking to and from the coffee machine and photocopier. No wonder they fall apart.

Not sure that cutting down a pair of army boots would work as
a) they are designed to be the shape they are so probably would fall off/rub like hell
b) they would be near impossible to cut as the leather is so thick & strong
c) would look like cut down army boot
d)they are also not cheap

Firstly this hasn't happened before, I've aways been able to replace them before it's been a problem, so tbf I wasn't aware of how hard they came down about it. No particular incentive to buy them before I could easily afford to.

The note in his planner basically apologised for the fact he was wearing trainers and I'd replace his shoes asap - in this instance after the holidays. When they called to say he was in isolation I was a bit exasperated that they chose isolation to punish him as he struggles as it is. I can't understand the logic behind it as a punishment in the same way I've never really understood the exact reasoning behind suspension and explained to the secretary (who'd phoned me) and asked them to remove him from isolation as it wasn't his fault - things are a bit tight, been explained in his planner will replace as soon as I can. So he's had a note from me, a second letter from both of us, a phonecall and now he wants me to call again. For what? to spell it out that I haven't the money right this minute. I agree they might have a little more right to know about families finances if it's a regular occurence or kids are going without food but as a one off? yes, I do resent it about as much as I expect he'd resent it if I asked him how he's doing for money right now.

I've no idea how you wreck a pair of shoes so quickly. My daughter is exactly the same while the other two grow out of theirs. Credit card has a small credit limit as it's only ever been there for emergencies and was already maxed on account of the month without salary. A lot of people don't even have them.

I understand both sides on this one..

Personally I agree with the other poster who said it will teach him to look after his shoes, wrecking shoes within 3 months is not acceptable and he should be more responsible at his age. My DD is the same age and she's been told about this too.

You could keep him home, it's 3 days til the end of school, phone the school and tell them he has a cold! (last resort obvs)

It's an academy and not answerable to the LEA.

butterfingirz. i have no credit card. Once that month's money is gone, it's gone. Until OH got a new job after three years unemployment I would have been desolated if DS needed new shoes for some reason after I'd done the last week's shop for the month. I'd literally have had no money to buy shoes with. None. Not, oh I shall have to cut down on cake! Or we shall just have to cut down on our eating out this month NO MONEY, NO EXTRAS, NO CINEMA TRIPS to cut down on.

I'm not stupid enough to put myself in hock to Wonga (or similar) have you actually calculated their APR?

Are you actually Marie Antoinette? (Sorry if I've outed you.)

It might be an academy but it must be answerable to someone. MP? There is a really good website called faxyourmp where you send an email and it arrives as a fax (apparently they are more likely to respond). What kind of education are we offering when a pupil is denied it for the wrong footwear.

Write to the Head and say you will hold him/her personally responsible if your child does not get the results he should.

Copy everything (write cc at the bottom) to your local paper. This really is shit.

Actually, as a suggestion for hard wearing school shoes it might be worth looking at your local cadet kit shop when the money comes in. Air cadets wear plain black leather shoes. DH (worked in shoe trade so knows a bit) thought that the cadet shoes looked to be good quality. Amazon are selling ATC parade shoes for £18 - £23.

Op did your son deliberalty smash his shoes?

If not I dont see how someone can delierbalty wear their shoes in ...maybe he just used them more vigoursly? Been in more rain?

NamingOfParts

Op could try and ask trad cobbler to see if they could do something with the army boot?

they can send rockets to the moon I am sure op could explore the army boot route....

Agree - not everyone has credit cards....

I'm horrified that your school has punished your ds like this.

This is not an appropriate reaction on the school's part at all. I'm in a similar situation. Ds's new school shoes fell to pieces last week because he bought ridiculous ones from Topman . Dh has newly started a job after redundancy and wont be paid until after christmas.

I have explained our situation to the school (not about the shoes but ds's music lessons.) They have been sympathetic, understanding and agreed to let us off the cancellation notice payments. Your school sounds draconian.

YANBU. You have my sympathies.

Well no, rubygates, I wasn't the one that suggested a payday loan. I said a credit card. If you don't have one, thats your business, I guess you're one of those that boasts of it until their up shit creek without a paddle.

"k, so let's imagine this was narthing to do with money. Let's say you work full time and your child comes home with a ruined, beyond gluable shoe. You physically cannot replace them before Saturday"

Course you can.. there are 24hr supermarkets all over the place, or you tell your teen to get them himself on his way home from school.