Should I really have to explain our financial situ to a teacher?

[bottleofbeer]

Ok so my 14 year old son is very hard on his shoes. About a week and a half ago he managed to rip the entire sole off his school shoe. Being completely honest at this time of year I just didn't have the funds to replace them immediately so I wrote a note in his planner explaining the situation and promised they'd be replaced by the time term starts in Jan. In the meantime I told him to wear his black trainers, so not wildly different from school shoes.

Last week he came home and told me he'd spent the entire day in isolation, where they're removed from lessons and they basically copy useless text all day (absolutely nothing to do with the curriculum) I already knew this because I got a phonecall from the office explaining that he was in isolation because of his shoes. I told them I wanted him taken from isolation because it's unfair to punish him over something beyond his control, that they know he struggles academically as it is and he can't afford to miss entire days.

Anyway, they didn't remove him from isolation. So we wrote a letter to the head of year outlining why he shouldn't be there and pointing out we had already explained the situation. He's not getting to school and slipping his shoes off in favour of his trainers and short of going barefoot he had no option. No reply.

Today I get a letter saying he'll be back in isolation unless I replace the shoes, and to phone the HOY to discuss this. I'm fuming, it has been explained to him three times now and frankly I don't see why I should have to phone him and tell him about the financial situation - again. I don't see that it's any of his business and a note from parents apologising and promising to recitfy it asap really should be enough. AIBU?

I have worked in many different places and never had rules about shoes , only that you should wear them!

Some posts on this thread are quite unbelievable. I don't understand this strange macho I-can-do-it-so-should-you rhetoric you get on MN.

Heavily pregnant on a train? You're pregnant, not ill, you should be able to walk 6 miles in the rain, and what's wrong with you for not asking properly?

Buggy on the bus? You should be able to fold it up while balancing your baby on your head, your toddler on your neck, and your shopping bags under your chin.

Children in the supermarket? Why haven't you organised your life so that you can leave them elsewhere, with someone else, so you don't risk annoying anyone else in the aisles?

No school shoes and no money? You should crawl on hands and knees 60 miles through the snow to find a late night supermarket that offers them for 63p a throw. Or try bribing some little cobbler elves or something.

School rules are important, of course. I have no problem with uniform policies. But sometimes justice needs to be tempered with a little mercy, understanding and wisdom.

Yeah, I've never worked anywhere that specified what shoes I should wear.

2 weeks in trainers with an explanation from a parent as to why,and knowing he'll be in "proper" shoes again after Xmas? It's hardly the end of the world is it?
Or,IMO,going to cause total collapse of uniform policy with accompanying fall in achievement and descent of school into special measures.
It is just silly - we hear all the time about how important it is that children not miss school,but it is ok for a school to stop a child learning for this?

I am beginning to think no school uniform would be a better idea - save all that energy and time expended on making children wear things they don't want to wear,and use it for something more useful.It is like the whole battle over the length of school skirts which has been going on forever - what exactly does it achieve?
I get the argument about economic factors not being apparent,but I'm not sure about the need to follow basic rules bit - if it is that important at secondary school why isn't it important at university/college? And you do get some choice about your workplace,and get paid for following their rules (though I've always though uniforms in ,for example,Banks and Building societies are a bit silly as well...)

Yanbu black trainers and a note are a good enough temporary alternative. I'd be inclined to keep him home instead of isolation too.

Can't quite believe the lack of understanding about money, £10 is a lot if you've not got it.

These rules whilst may seem stupid and insignificant to some of you are there for a reason and whilst it is the one that as a secondary teacher I sometimes hate being part of my job to monitor I do appreciate the basis of these rules; i.e. everyone in the same dress so no economic factors immediately disadvantaging students, the need to follow basic rules as life dictates becomes a norm etc

Brilliant, I for one am glad this rule is to prevent disadvantaged student having poverty made obvious.

Ohh that brilliant is more a hahahahaha

If my son came home from school tomorrow with ruined shoes then I wouldn't be replacing them. We have no money till Friday. NO money till Friday. That means what little there is in my purse (about £6) has to last till then, so I wouldn't be going out buying a pair of shoes.

Besides, it's a week before they break up, you've explained the situation, he should not be in isolation.

DS1's shoes did break at the end of the summer term, he had a week and a half of wearing trainers - not even black ones, they are white and blue - and he got a shoe pass fine when I wrote a letter explaining (Shoe pass - note from HOY to show other teachers to say he has permission to wear trainers)

God, this 'rules is rules' stuff is such bullshit.

Most people don't get much choice over schools anyway. I don't want my DS to attend the school he goes to - however as he failed to get into the grammar school (which places more importance on education than clothing, and as such has a less draconian uniform policy) I was left only with the school he does attend, and it's petty rules and regulations!

'everyone in the same dress so no economic factors immediately disadvantaging students,'

Tell that to the Op's son!

When I was at school I remember my friend got put on 'uniform report' because when she was getting dressed on a gloomy winter morning she put on a pair of navy socks instead of black socks. A genuine mistake but she was still punished. Other kids got away with wearing trainers because they had a note from parents.

At another local school they were really strict about uniform and one of my friends got given detention because a teacher saw him on his way home without his blazer on. he was about 2 miles away from school and it was out of school time but he still got in trouble!

And when my mum was at school she was running for the bus, her hat blew off and her teacher saw her without her hat on and she was also punished.

I think in general schools aren't as strict as they used to be about uniform but I think people's attitude towards uniform has changed. Half the kids at DS's school (primary) wear trainers, when I was a kid it was only the really poor kids who wore trainers.

And fwiw at my place of work we have guidelines about what shoes we can wear. I work in an office so need to wear smart office wear, no trainers, no sandals, no flip flops and no ugg type boots.

Go and buy him shoes NOW?

Ahhh, giz a break it's twenty past eleven! :)

Couple of examples of this school's uniform policy. In year 10 the PE kit changes, radically. So if they've left year 9 with a perfectly good condition kit that fits well it is of absolutely no use to them for year ten. Why? so we can tell a year 9 from a year 10 on the playing field? How utterly pointless and wasteful!

Girls absolutely plastered in make-up with blue hair is apparently perfectly acceptable. A pair of black trainers that are not even obviously trainers are not and should be punishable by effectively stopping education but you can betchya if I asked for one day for personal reasons it wouldn't be allowed.

I've read all of this thread and think myself very lucky tbh that this is temporary for me and how bloody hard it must be when it's your way of life.

I was brought up to believe it was very rude to ask people about finances (when my in laws went guarantor for our house they point blank refused to fill in the part about salary because it so offended them) yet I'm basically being forced into discussing ours or my son gets punished for something beyond his control.

All input muchly appreciated!

Quite so Devora! why does rigidity, authoritarianism and blind following of every rule for any reason come above mercy, understanding and wisdom.

I value mercy, understanding and wisdom an awful lot higher don't you? And if 'authority' can be so easily fractured & lost (the slippery slope brigade)... Doesn't that suggest there was no real authority or control to begin with?

Wow, this is getting deep.

Great post,
b Devora.

Indeed bottle it's not just shoes, it's liberty & freedom you're fighting for!

RE: agreeing to adhere to uniform policy and I knew all this when I applied for his place. This is true, can't argue with that but I seriously doubt anybody thinks "oh, this school is doing so much better but has a much stricter policy on shoes, best go for the other one instead".

And that's for those lucky enough to have had that choice.

You may take (exception) to my shoes, but you'll never take my freeeeeeedom!

Just my education. Ratbags.

:) he'll be free to wander shoeless and fancy free... Hummm.

Lottikins

'Even if the situation is the truth, the only way to put pressure on the parents is via the children. '

anybody with this mindset should not be let anywhere near children

Best you start getting a lot of school govenors & HT's replaced then m'dear.

I can only assume that some posters dont know what it is like to have everything budgeted for to the last penny and literally not be able to get any more.
Crisis loans? Payday loans? Nice! Make the whole problem worse why dont you?

Sell something? Just "find the money"? How? What if you have nothing left to sell? What if you already used up your benefits loan allowance on buying uniform earlier in the year, or buying a new cooker when the old one died?

Some of you are in cloud cuckoo land.

Sometimes £10 really is beyond the budget.

YABVU, especially with this: "Let's say you work full time and your child comes home with a ruined, beyond gluable shoe. You physically cannot replace them before Saturday. You honestly accept that your child is kept in isolation, getting no education at all? for your "misdeed"?"

It's not your misdeed, it's his. He's 14, not a little boy, and he should be more responsible! How the hell did he rip the sole off a pair of school shoes? I doubt I could do that if I tried with all my strength.

Buy him new school shoes tomorrow with the money you were going to spend on his Christmas present, or if you've already bought it, take it back to the shop for a refund and buy shoes with the money. And make sure he knows that's what you're doing.

The school are being ridiculous, it's total bullshit. If my dd came home with broken shoes I would be able to afford to replace them but I certainly wouldn't have the opportunity until the weekend. (no 24hr supermarkets near me sorry, and even if there was I wouldn't be dragging my youngest out at that time of night on public transport to get crappy pair of shoes).

I would though explain the reason why to the school, even if it was because I couldn't afford it, though I wouldn't go into details. If they still insisted on putting her in isolation then I would have no problem keeping her off school and telling them I don't give a shit about their attendance records if they aren't going to educate my child anyway.

I think uniform is important. I think letting kids where their own clobber sets them up for ridicule if, for instance, someone comes to school in the same two outfits every week or someone can't afford very nice clothes and only has clothes too small/too big/with holes in or whatever. At least when its a uniform you all are wearing the same. For instance on none school uniform days there was a boy who always came in neon coloured tracksuits. Everyone ripped the shit out of him, imagine if he had to go through that every day? It also puts kids into little 'clicks' like America. No, uniform has to stay. I know kids can be ridiculed for various other reasons but I think them wearing whatever they like is just asking for shit..

Slightly off topic.

What has annoyed me is that you said if he only had white trainers then you would find the money. So it is really just you being a bit awkward.. Nothing to do with having fuck all money at all. But tbh if I really didn't have pennies to get the expensive ones now then I wouldn't bother just settling for a cheapo pair for the last week of term. Its just a waste of money and resources, not worth it for a week. Plus the last week of term was always a piss about anyway.

or if you've already bought it, take it back to the shop for a refund and buy shoes with the money.

That seriously mean. Shoes break!

The school sound ridiculous, as do many posters here, tbh. Bottle, I've PMed you- we are practically neighbours, and if I've got anything suitable in the right size here, I'll drop them over tomorrow. Just let me know.